An Englishman in Las Vegas and at the Grand Canyon

[Grand Canyon Tours]

An Englishman in Las Vegas. Trip report 17th - 20th November


Well you've entered this post and for that I'm very grateful but now you need to decide whether it is worth continuing for this will be a long report. I've read other peoples trip reports and found them both informative and entertaining with the nuggets of information usually buried in the small detail. I know some people like rambling and others short and snappy. For my sins this will be a rambling piece and thus I'll more than understand if you wish to hit the back button and eradicate this message of banality and tedium. For those that have chosen to persevere then thanks, grab a few teas or coffees and get ready for a fun filled ride (well I thought it was). Please also be aware that I get excited about even the smallest things so be prepared for animated language when discussing things as trivial as robes and bed sizes!

To gain a better understanding of me and to validate the credibility of my opinions I am 34 years of age, male, single and of average height, looks and build. For those who wanting an indication of whether it's worth trawling through here's a quick summary.

Flight with Virgin, check in at Bellagio, Bellagio pool and Jacuzzi, Caesars, Forum shops, Cheesecake factory, Ellis Island karaoke, Las Vegas outlet centre, In 'n' out burger, Gun store, Top of the World restaurant, Barry Manilow at the Hilton, VIP table service at Pure, Caesars Palace, Fashion Show mall, northern strip walk, freefall tandem parachute jump, dinner at Morton's, Penn & Teller at The Rio, check out, flight home.


Thursday. Check in

The trip was for a Christmas gift/do from the company I work for. Eight of us went and it was brilliant. It had been booked about six months previously and I'd used that time to research what I thought was good and created a loose timetable so I'd know when, what and where to go. The last two weeks had even seen the office filled in the morning and evening with a playing of 'Time to say goodbye' as I'd read that this was one the songs that accompanied the Bellagio fountain show.

Thursday morning came with a 4.15 am wake up after a night where I only really grabbed about an hour or two of sleep. I was excited but think was more concerned about oversleeping, despite having three different alarms dotted around the room to ensure I got up. Anyway I picked up a close living work colleague, hooked up with some others and after dropping off the car got a train down to Gatwick. We checked in, got some currency from Travelex and equipped ourselves with some breakfast. I'd been holding off on my intake of food before Vegas just in an effort to keep trim but was adamant that in the land of steaks and burgers the cuffs would come off. Hence the first breakfast was a nice double egg, sausage, bacon, beans, toast, mushrooms and chips feast washed down with two cups of tea. This was getting good, the suitcase was handed over and thus no longer a responsibility, my belly was full and content and we were getting closer to going to Vegas. Final mooch around the shops and we boarded the plane.

We were in a row of six towards the rear of the plane and I had an aisle seat which suited me fine. I'd been looking forward to seeing what the air stewardesses were like as I'd never travelled with Virgin and they are legendarily supposed to be good looking. They were and I tried my best, without being annoying, to be polite and humorous to obtain a glimmer of warmth from them but alas to no avail. C'est la vie but they couldn't dampen my enthusiasm. The plane rumbled down the runway and lifted off to a loud 'whoooh' from myself which received a stern look from my friend, Matt who was sitting next to me. It was a bit loud and I admit probably was annoying for others but this was the moment when Vegas was starting (bar landing of course) and I couldn't contain my excitement. The flight proceeded ok and I remained buoyant and bubbly throughout the 10 hour journey. The food was enjoyable, braised beef with some nice pots, carrots and broccoli and a profiterole dessert that was mucho yummy. I know some think airplane food muck, but to me it's free and passes the time so I was all for enjoying it. Tried to watch a film on the scratched and poor resoluted screen, 'Land of the Dead' which was ok but a poor entry in the zombie genre I feel. I also spent some time wandering around the plane and looking out the window towards the rear. The scenery was great, it might not have been stunning at some of the points I looked out but it was just the size of the country that was amazing. Wilderness would stretch as far as the eye could see yet snowed over roads appeared to still have been cleared despite the fact that only a few people might use them. The plane began its descent and the scenery became even better as we flew over the Hoover Dam and Lake Mead.

We touched down and the first glimpses of the Luxor and Mandalay were causing my excitement levels to peak in the red. We hurried off the plane and then spent an eternity in the immigration queue. By the time we got out of the queue I was the second to last person to go through but I understand the need for security and wasn't hugely fussed. Collected luggage and boarded the last shuttle to leave the airport. Interesting drive with the driver seemingly oblivious to her passengers and rambling with her co driver about the wayward ways of her daughter. She connected with us when I excitedly pointed out a motorcycle cop that looked like CHiPs and we all chatted on the remainder of the journey. It did make us chuckle and I was busily craning my head round to observe every different building and car that went past. Got to the Bellagio and swung into the car port with my excitement at virtual fever pitch. As we unloaded our suitcases from the shuttle the fountain show started up (not that we could see it from where we were) and the strains of 'Time to say goodbye' wafted over us. I was amazed, the very song that I'd been playing in the UK to prep us for the holiday was playing just as we arrived.

We entered the foyer and I just wandered through with my mouth open. It was wonderful. Vibrant, classy, buzzing with people milling around of different backgrounds and it smelt just so good with a mixture of citrus and fresh cut flowers. It had such a great feel to it, like you just wanted to sit down and take in all that surrounded you and just watch the world go by. I could see the conservatory but didn't want to venture in there while we were checking in and leave the others. I could also see across the casino floor which looked a mass of activity and combined with the pianist playing in the Petrossian bar I confess to being pleasantly overwhelmed. We got our room allocation and headed off through the casino to the lifts with myself constantly circling as I tried to take everything in. Our room, that I shared with a good friend and one of my directors, was on the 27th floor, room number 103. What a great room, large and spacious with a marble foyer, remote controlled drapes and nets (which I accidentally shut as I thought it was a light switch), plenty of wardrobe storage and a nice big TV. The beds were huge and comfy (certainly when I flung myself onto them) and the view from the window was great. Ok I wasn't looking over the strip but I was looking at the back of Caesars and its pool, the Rio and the mountains in the distant and the view became even better at night. Oh and did I mention the bathroom. I clapped my hands together and laughed when I saw the huge glass walled shower, the deep bath and the proliferation of big white towels. Oh baby.

One of our party called the room and we agreed to head down to the pool as we had discussed over that mornings breakfast. I slung on my robe and shorts and off we went. What a fabulous pool. It shut at 5.00 pm and we got there at about 4.15 but those 45 minutes were grand. The pool was lovely and warm, not too deep and lovingly detailed with underwater lights and the pattern inset into the tiling. Every time I drew breath I would look up at the hotel and shake my head not believing that, yes here I was actually swimming in the pool of the Bellagio. As the sky got darker the buildings lighting played more of a part in its beauty and it grew even more picturesque. We finished here and dived into the Jacuzzi. Well if the pool was great then this was fantastic. Even warmer water and strong bubbly jets that when you were close up to them gave you a great tingly massage over one's tired limbs. God I felt so privileged thinking wow, here I am reclining in a warm, oversized Jacuzzi looking up at the Bellagio in the Nevada desert air.

I returned upstairs to get ready for our first night out in Vegas. Matt had already showered and headed downstairs so I took the time to crank up the Bellagio music channel (number 31) and jump in the shower. I've not been to that many hotels so being able to take the time to prepare for a night out with in a huge roomy shower, with plenty of towels, no worries about how they would dry and some music playing was a real luxury that I enjoyed savouring. Although I'd been up nigh on 25 hours I felt great and that feeling of getting ready for a night out seemed to banish all thoughts of jet lag. I was on 'going out time' and my body was fine with that. I dressed in black velvet trousers and a nice white striped shirt and headed downstairs to hook up with the others in the Petrossian bar. Everything felt so right, the pianist was playing, people dressed for the evening were milling around along with the odd newly wed couple and I felt elevated to a very special club.

We had decided our first meal would be the cheesecake factory so we left the hotel and wandered down to the strip to take in the fountain show. They played some kind of 'I love America' song and the fountains were great. They are like a tidy, clean firework display with the same kind of whooshing sound and similarly eliciting 'oh's and aah's' but without the smoke or debris. I left them feeling warm inside and looking forward to seeing them again. We then walked to Caesars. Blimey this place is massive and although it could be construed as being a little tacky it has an ebullience and energy that you can practically taste. From the strip it's huge and very impressive and after passing through its doors it just seems to go on forever. We managed to follow the signs through to the forum shops and eventually found the cheesecake factory. The ceiling in the forum was just mad. We all stopped and stared and tried to work out if the ceiling was actually moving, it wasn't but it was so cool in how the changing light was affecting the painted clouds. We booked a table and split up to individually explore the mall with myself checking out the exotic car place. You can't view the cars up close but there is a fenced walkway around the edges and there are some cracking motors including a few wonderful Ferraris, a lovely silver Lambo Gallardo and a couple of Murcielagos.

Headed back to the cheesecake factory and got a table. The service here was excellent. Warm, friendly and helpful. I'd been warned about the huge portions so we settled for one chicken starter between the eight of us which was very nice and then all seemed to have a selection of burgers. I had the ranch burger which was big but I wouldn't say absolutely massive. It basically had bun, burger, chunks of steak, mushrooms, cheese and bacon slices (I'd asked for the healthy inclusion of tomato and lettuce to be removed) and was very tasty. The accompanying fries were very nice but I didn't think there were enough of them. Being in the gambling town we started to bet amongst the eight of us how old certain members of the staff were. For every person we guessed another one would appear, we would ask their name, get them to hold up the back and front of their hands and then ask them to return in three minutes. Everyone would chuck in a dollar to the pot, we'd all take turns and then relay them to the staff. It sounds silly but it was fun and with the good nature of the staff I think they enjoyed it as well. There was one poor girl though called Rosa who worked on the front desk. She came round, showed us her hands and then disappeared before returning 3 minutes later. We went round the table with ages ranging from 26 to 34 only for her to tell us she was 19!! Poor thing, she laughed with us but I hope she wasn't insulted. I ordered the original cheesecake because there were so many cheesecakes to choose from that I thought starting with the original would be the best. The waiter gave a nod of approval as he jotted down my request which made me smile. Two others ordered cheesecakes but couldn't finish them. Mine was very nice but suddenly my stomach began to close up and I couldn't finish it either (maybe that's why they only gave a smaller portion of fries!!) The others at the table began to goad me and started chucking in money to bet I couldn't finish the cheesecake. The pot hit $46 and I just went for it, who wouldn't? My glass of water helped and I even licked the plate to demonstrate my victory. Stomach was a little tight but what a sweet 46 bucks. We paid and left and two of our party had booked the helicopter flight to the Grand Canyon starting at 5.00 am so they hit the sack and the rest decided what to do.

I said I just wanted to check out Ellis Island and see what the karaoke was really like as I read reports that said it was a bit dingy. The others said they couldn't let me go on my own so tagged along. We headed off past Ballys to Koval Lane. As we proceeded further down the road you could see it becoming less glamorous. We didn't feel threatened but you could tell it wasn't as nice as the strip. Then we saw it, right next to the 7-11 and I began to have grave doubts. We continued on and strode in and wished we hadn't. We didn't feel intimidated but it was definitely a locals place and was a little cramped, dark and dingy. The guy singing was good but we felt a little unnerved probably like the two backpackers did in the film 'American Werewolf in London' when they walked into 'The Slaughtered Lamb'. I quickly bought a round, $1 a beer, and we vacated the establishment pronto. As I left I looked back and saw a guy playing the slot machine wearing a baggy, stained white wife beater vest and a pair of black, belt less trousers. Very disappointed and we scuttled back to the strip as quickly as we could. I was looking forward to going a little mad on our first night but after pushing to go to such a shit hole my credibility for choice of things to do was a little strained and I felt a little embarrassed for pushing us to visit a dump. The people were ok and I'm sure if we were more 'jeaned up' and fitted in more we would have seen real locals enjoying themselves but as it was it was a jarring difference to the world we had just been baptised to. We gambled a little bit in the Bellagio casino. I put $100 down on the blackjack table and played for about 25 mins losing about 30 bucks and then retired to the room at about 2-30-3.00 ish.

Friday

Awoke around 8.00 ish, showered (still loving the ease of the shower) and met the two who had gone on the helicopter tour of the grand canyon the first thing in the morning. They'd had a great time and thought the Grand Canyon stunning. We jumped in a cab and headed down to the Las Vegas Outlet Centre. Ok place although it is a little 'low rent' which I'd expected. The other two headed back to the strip after an hour as I was still mooching around. I'd been to Canada/American about six years previously and had kicked myself for not buying more items. I had a really good look around but just couldn't find things that I really liked. I then found myself fretting that I was trying to convince myself that I should buy something for something's sake as opposed to actually liking it. Wandered round the large Nike store but couldn't find anything that really fired me up. Headed outside to grab a taxi while I ummed and ahhed about whether to head to the fashion show mall or check out In'n'Out burger.

I'd read a lot about this before going and was really looking forward to checking it out, liking the idea of its refreshing simplicity. Just selling only burgers, fries and drinks should offer a better attention to detail as there are fewer things to distract from the menu. The cab dropped me off at the one on Dean Martin Drive and I had a nice chat with him en route. What a great place In'n'Out burger was. It was busy and vibrant with a real hubbub, energy and atmosphere to it. I loved the way they called customers guests and I moved to the desk to order my food. Double, double without the lettuce and tomato, fries and I wanted to order something from the secret menu so I'd feel a little special and thus went for a Neapolitan. Got my ticket and waited. How cool I thought to be able to wait for your order while they prepped it. It also gave me a good opportunity to do some people watching and bask in the moment. My number was called and I collected my food. It's great that it comes in those little red bucket tray things to prevent spillage etc of chips and as it was a nice day I decided to eat outside. Settled down with my shades on, jumper off, took a photo of it on my phone as the camera was with another in the party and then took my first bite. Oh god it was good. Yes the little wrapper wrapped around the backside of the burger was a little greasy but we are talking a burger here and you have to get a little dirty when enjoying a burger. It was just so juicy and succulent with the chopped onions and the toasted inside of the burger adding a little crunch. The fries were great as well, hot and freshly cut and the Neapolitan milkshake was excellent. Nice and thick so it took a fair chunk of sucking and then it would offer at different times during its consumption hit's of individual chocolate, strawberry and vanilla almost like some kind of Willy Wonka chocolate bar. After this I hit the store next door, keen to get some souvenirs especially now that the meal had lived up to the hype and also because I remember seeing Mikey wearing one in the film Swingers. Chose one for me my brother and one for myself after trying them on and debating what sizes, along with some key rings and a large handled mug.

I'd called some of the gang earlier and we agreed to meet at the Gun store on east Tropicana at 2.00pm to fire some guns on their range. I then had the task of getting across town and finding a cab. Needless to say there weren't any at In'n'Out so I struck out towards the strip to find a cab. Crossing the crossroads junction by the burger place must have taken me about 15 minutes. It's never entirely clear when you get a green man or walk signal how other cars can still turn into the road and it also seemed to take an age for the lights to change. Not a great deal of people walk I think. Anyway got across the road and over the interstate bridge, ducking past a homeless tramp who'd obviously lost it all on 'red' but didn't get a chance to douse me in an alcohol cloud while demanding money. Hurried down to the Excalibur (closest hotel) and jumped in a cab which then pulled round to the front of the hotel and said he had to wait until the cab in front had moved. I said fine I'll get in the cab in front and even though he'd only carried me about 10 metres told me I had to pay the standing charge of $3. I bundled into the next one and asked him to head to the gun store. He seemed a bit morose but I tried to jolly him along by talking about In'n'Out burgers (my fallback conversation piece with any cab driver it now seemed!) and how busy a day he was having. He dropped me off at the store with a fare of $12.00 and I gave him $15.00. No gratitude so I asked him if that was ok to which he replied that another dollar would make him happy. I responded that I'd made him laugh on the journey and he should be happy with that.

Wandered in and was like a kid in a sweet shop. Machine guns hanging on walls, handguns in cabinets, non politically correct paper targets on the wall, what bliss! The other guys arrived, I presented my coupons and requested my guns. Two 25 bullet belts for the SAW, two 30 round magazines for the M15 and 50 rounds for a Beretta 92F. The staff, or at least one of the main guys, wasn't particularly friendly. I understand that safety is paramount but when someone is spending money and is just demonstrating excitability I don't think it hurts to smile. I did ask if we could join the belt of bullets for the SAW together and then wrap them round my forearm as I fired the gun into the ceiling with one hand, he gruffly responded that doing that would take my arm off.

We went onto the range and started firing the machine guns. The SAW was wicked. Set up on a tripod with a laser sight and the belt in, it was joy to squeeze off a few rounds, puncturing the Osama paper target and kicking up the sand behind. As we grew more confident we fired longer bursts and the noise was fantastic. Next up was the M15. I had asked for the M4 carbine to which they feigned ignorance, even when I said the gun that de Niro fired in heat. Now this was a nice gun. Pulled in tight to the shoulder, the noise was deafening and the way the bullet casings ejected from the gun bouncing off the wall and onto the floor or onto me and the gun smoke drifted up through the holes in the barrel handle was just great.

Finally it was time for the Beretta. They seem to give you a lot more freedom with the handguns and basically gave a quick demo and said off you go. We had to individually load the magazines and even though the mag in the Beretta holds 15 rounds I could only push down 10. Call me weak but Jesus the spring on it was amazingly tough. I was pushing so hard to get the 11th bullet in that it felt like days at school when you played outdoor sports in winter and upon coming back in couldn't do up your shirt because your fingers were so cold and numb. In the end, and after ridicule from friends who I later discovered had had a similar problem, I settled on 10 bullets a clip and got stuck in shooting down range. I tried to adopt a million cop positions that I'd seen on telly and tried aiming but wasn't sure if I was hitting anything with the way the gun was riding up and to the right. In the end I thought to hell with it and just pretended I was either Martin Riggs or John McLane. I loved having a full clip (ok 2/3rds full), leaning the hand gun to the side, slamming in the clip, depressing the slide release, it chunking forward to chamber a round and then firing off 10 shots in quick succession. Granted I probably hit nothing but it did fulfil many Hollywood action fantasies. Fun was over and I put the gun down with the mechanism open as they had handed them to us. Turned to the instructor who told us to take the handguns back round into the shop. Turned to pick my one up, foolishly grabbing over the top and accidentally hit the release latch snapping it shut on my finger. My friends naturally laughed until the blood dripped off my finger where they then expressed concern. The instructor started to attend to it before asking me to come round to the shop side where he had some tape etc. I quickly slapped a little blood on my target as a reminder before washing it down in their toilet and getting him to bandage my war wound or 'Beretta's kiss' as I decided to call it.

We hopped on a bus back to the strip and started chatting to this nice older chap about his guns, life history and sister who used to be in the CIA. I stopped into New York, New York for a quick go on the Manhattan express which was ok. It wasn't awesome but it offered some thrills particularly the inverted loop which was quite novel. I think $9.95 would be a more accurate price for it. Anyway wandered back up the strip finding a large, clean chemist that was a great find stocking reasonably priced drinks etc. Picked up some plasters and water and hurried up towards the Bellagio. I've got to say that this was one of my favourite times of the day. Just as the sun was going down and the lights coming on there was a sense of magic in the air, a palpable tingling of expectant energy that you could almost eat with a spoon. It was like the strip was slowly coming alive, like a good friend waking up and wanting to party. Got back to my room for a quick shave (slightly more difficult with my bandaged finger) and a shower. Slipped into a dark blue suit with a pink shirt and headed down to the foyer. Hooked up with everyone and jumped in two cabs to zing over to the Stratosphere. Traffic was heavy but not immovable and we were only a few minutes late.

Went into the stratosphere and took the long walk to the elevator, which did seem an age away. Up the lift and out into the restaurant. A few steps down, greet the waitress and 'Oh my god, check out that view!' It stopped all of us in our tracks as we each saw it for the first time. Now that view really is something else. Over 800 ft up, looking down over a plethora of street lights and buildings. We were shown to our table of eight and I was sitting right on the end next to the glass. The view man just had me humbled, I'm quite chatty (as you can probably tell) but I was content to just sit there and just watch Las Vegas circle by me. In the distance I spotted a strange orange light and realising what it was watched as the moon slowly rose up over the mountains in the distance, amazing. The food arrived and I ordered Portobello mushrooms, the New York steak with maitre'd butter (unfortunately it had garlic in it) and shared the chocolate stratosphere tower desert. The food was good, granted it wasn't outstanding but I've a simple palette and was content to eat anything whilst enjoying the view. The service was also warm and friendly and we didn't get any hassle from the woman who offers to take your photograph (I say this because I've read people complain about her being pushy). We settled the bill. I'd didn't see it but I'm sure it was big and grabbed a couple of cabs to the Hilton.

Some of our party weren't too keen on seeing Barry Manilow but I was looking forward to it and if nothing else at least it was a Las Vegas show. We had picked our tickets up earlier in the day and made our way into the auditorium. I was surprised to see people as I entered waving luminous green glowsticks. I've done my share of proper clubbing and I couldn't imagine Barry belting out a couple of rave anthems. We sat down and proceeded to look at the rest of the crowd whilst we waited for it to start. Predominantly older (35-50) females with some already standing up and jigging to the piped music, there were also a few guys standing up and attempting to cut some moves but these were obviously guys who dance once every year at a wedding or gathering. It was all good fun and I was happy to see people enjoying themselves. The beginning started to build and 'Right here, right now' started coming through the speakers. You could feel the anticipation rise as the bass became more thumping, they started to mix the track with 'I see you baby, shaking that arse' whilst the screen on the stage started to flash up images of Barry and his album covers, the mixing between the two became more feverish and the lights began to twirl and by this point the atmosphere was reaching fever point with audience hands going in the air and people whooping and clapping. The montage ended with a voice saying 'I'm Barry Manilow's biggest fan in the USA' there was a crash and Barry walked out singing 'the miracle is you'. The crowd went utterly apeshit and I admit so did I. It was one of the best build up and entrances I'd seen in a long time. Barry was very good. He was funny, self deprecating and offered up some interesting stories about his launch to fame. When he performed Mandy the screen showed him playing when he was 23 and about a minute into it Barry drifted onto stage on his piano singing in perfect unison with his earlier recording. It was a good section and a stand out moment for many in our party.

Later he performed a number to the left hand side of the stage and chatted to a woman in the VIP audience who was from the UK which elicited roars from us and also from other Brits within the audience. He went on to talk about how he wrote commercials before he became a star including ones for McDonalds and the classic' Dr Pepper, so misunderstood'. He would change after every song into a new jacket and I've got to say that most, if not all of them, were pretty damn funky. Before too long he started Copacabana which got everyone up dancing (including ourselves) and clapping. A gantry came down from the ceiling which Barry and his dancers marched up and continued dancing to Copacabana to. It was quite cool as he was right above the stalls and almost level with us who were up in the circle. He finished in a blaze and swept off the stage before returning to perform 'one voice' virtually acappella. The lights shut down, the large M that framed the stage turned green, tiny little green lights embedded in the walls of the theatre came on and everyone started waving their glow sticks. It was quite a sight and Barry finished the song with the audience singing with him. The show finished to thunderous and deserved applause and we all poured out of the hotel to be greeted with the mother of all taxi queues.

One of our gang disappeared and then came back telling us to follow him. He'd managed to find this 10 seater mini van that was decked out like a stretch limo with neon and leather seats etc. I believe it was called a land yacht. It has the radio playing but seemed only to be playing adverts. It didn't matter though as we weren't queuing anymore and were heading down the strip. We went past the mirage as the volcano blew and it looked quite cool what with the fire and water spraying everywhere. Pulled up at Caesars as five of us were going on to Pure and the others were content to walk back to the Bellagio.

Met Vegas VIP from the LVOL board, who had arranged our VIP entry and table service to Pure, next to the sport book area, introduced him to the guys and then attempted to push up to the bouncers. The general admission queue looked ridiculous and must have meant at least a 2 hour wait. Considering what we were going to pay for the table service I was glad the place was popular. We managed to get to the bouncers, Vegas VIP cleared our entry and then they asked for photo ID. I went to pull out my driving license and it wasn't there, panic!! Oh god where is that? The others admitted they didn't have ID either so we moved away from the entrance. Vegas VIP was concerned that our table might be bumped so we all agreed to race back to the Bellagio and grab some ID. En route back I realised that after my Beretta's Kiss I must have left my license at the Gun store and that I'd have to use my passport. Hurried back to the room, grabbed passport, slapped on a little more eau de toilette, put a new plaster over my wound and raced back to Pure. Pushed to the front again and the bouncers thankfully remembered us and through the braided rope we went. Pure's VIP guy met us, introduced himself and ushered us through. We were told that due to our late arrival we had been bumped up to the patio and I feared it would affect our evening.

I needn't have worried. The view from the patio was just fantastic, especially as we were positioned more at the end of the VIP area and the warmth from the heaters kept the chill at bay. We were overlooking the strip with Bally and Paris in full view and views towards the Venetian and Bellagio Lake. The VIP area on the patio was very special. Braided rope border, some fancy pit with open flame to provide additional warmth and our very own VIP waiters and security. We did feel a little like we were in a goldfish bowl at the beginning as there were lots of people on the main patio but only about three parties, including ourselves, in the VIP area. The bouncers also said that if there were any ladies that we liked the look of in the main club that we could invite them back into the VIP or they could go and request their company for us. I loved it and relaxing on those comfy sofas, looking at that fabulous view with a drink in hand and knowledge that we had our own table laden with mixers and more alcohol was wonderful and made the financial outlay for the privilege worthwhile. A friend and I headed downstairs at one point to have a look around. We saw some girls performing in the pussycat dolls lounge which was entertaining. At one point there were five scantily clad girls on the stage, one in an oversized champagne glass and two more swinging from fur lined swings suspended from the ceiling!

Jim, our chief security guy, was really great. Polite, professional, always smiling and a really nice guy to talk to. Holly Voss, not our waitress but I think the main one, was also amazing. Incredibly attractive, classy, friendly and with such a pretty face that I just had to tell her in a non arsehole, purely complimentary way. She then astonished me by starting to talk to me, admitting to liking my accent and even asked for my email address. I think to be fair she was being typically American and just very friendly but someone looking as good as that doesn't normally just come out and say they want to talk to me so I confess to being quite bowled over. I did tell her that I thought her name was false though as I couldn't imagine such a pretty woman being paired with a name that sounded like it belonged in a James Bond film. For the remainder of the evening I addressed her as Sharon Brown and we'd laugh together when she walked past and would pull a typical waitress 'drop the hip, hand on waist' pose. She gave me her business card which had her email address on it but then seemed to cool towards me as the evening progressed. It was a shame but being able to chat to a grade A stunner whilst in the VIP area of an amazing club felt damn good and I was grateful.

It was still great up there though and with the 2 one litre bottles of vodka disappearing down our necks our mood was all good. I felt brilliant even to the point of telling a very good looking woman, who arrogantly knew she was, that she had a lovely face but quite possibly the biggest big toe I'd ever seen and maybe open toed sandals weren't the best thing. She knew I was being cheeky and non malicious but it did make her laugh and that was the point of it I guess. The people that I met that night seemed so friendly and approachable whether it was Jim, the guys working in the toilet or a host of others who came into the VIP area that I was finding the whole American nightclubbing experience incredibly addictive. To this end I must also add that I wasn't acting all arrogant and pretentious for being in VIP area, so please don't think of that me. I know my roots and was just keen to be feeling special for once. Unfortunately upstairs had to close at 4.00 am and we took up station on the dance floor downstairs for the last 45 mins. I seemed to be flying now and was chatting to everyone and managed to learn the two best names in the club. Von for a guy, who was this black bouncer, what a wicked name and Cheyenne for a girl who was dancing on the dance floor. What cracking names. We ended up leaving the club when the whole thing chucked out and looking back now I wish we had gone on somewhere else. I was pumped to the max, still had plenty of chewing gum left and was in a talkative mood. Tiredness was beginning to kick in though and we retired to one of the Bellagio bars for a couple of late night glasses of baileys. I foolishly, and probably drunkenly, ripped up Holly's card wanting to protect myself from making an idiot of myself in emailing her when I got back home but maybe this wasn't one of my best decisions. Headed up to my room and hit the sack at around 6.00ish.

Saturday

Got up at 8.30 feeling a little tired but a good blast in the shower brought me back. I had a busy day, it being the last full one and I couldn't afford to hang around. Dressed and out to nip down to the gun store (I'd phoned ahead to check they had my license) to collect it before asking the cab to then run me on to the fashion show mall. Wandered around picking up some jeans and t-shirts for myself and relatives then popped over to the Wynn to grab some dollar chips for folks back at home before walking back to the hotel. The weather was great, warm and sunny but not too hot. Dropped my things in my room and met two of my crew in the foyer. We walked down to the boardwalk hotel to be picked up and taken to jean airport for a tandem freefall parachute jump that we were doing with Vegas extreme skydiving.

I was in good spirits, not really nervous despite the forms we had to fill in and the blunt, but necessary, warnings that we could die doing this and there was no insurance cover. Yeah whatever I thought. I had some good verbal tussles with the driver and was labeled the trouble maker but it was good natured banter and maybe took some of the other people's minds off what was coming. Arrived at the centre which was run by Dale, an ex royal marine. A nice guy but I think he was a little stressed with being let down by others and his military abruptness came out a little. He was somebody I would love to have talked to in more detail. Put on my jumpsuit which I loved. It was quite snug, pulling in at all the right places and I wouldn't have minded wearing it under my clothes if I went out that night! We had to wait for a couple of hours while others had their jumps etc but I was ok with this. As the jump drew nearer they put me in the harness, which I might add also looked wicked and made me feel like a fighter pilot (I told you I get excited about small things) and was introduced to my tandem jumper, Frank. What a great guy he was and I was keen to talk to him as I wanted him to understand how much I had been looking forward to this. I love sharing things with people and although I know that he had done this a million times before I wanted him to know that it was special to me and the reasons why. We went through the basic maneuvers and then Frank and I and Neil (the other guy from my party that I was doing this with) and Jim walked out to the plane. We hopped in and took up our position for the flight.

Frank and I were going to be the first ones out which pleased me and thus we were closer to the open door. I watch fascinated and at close hand as we took off and slowly made our ascent. It was so cool just looking through the door at the world below, particularly as the sun was setting and it was going to be their last jump of the day. We continued climbing which was fine by me as I wanted the maximum height for the maximum freefall. As we got closer to the jump point Frank would lean through the opening and check our relativity to the drop zone. To be honest this was the only time I felt unnerved. I didn't mind the idea of jumping but didn't fancy the idea of tumbling out whilst just looking over the edge. Frank was a great guy and my total confidence in him removed any thoughts of fear or worry that I might die. We got to the point and shimmied over to the open edge. Frank positioned himself on the lip of the plane with me in his lap. My feet were tucked right back so they were under the fuselage and touching the skin of the plane. My hands were folded over my chest and my head right back into his shoulder. I think he said something and then . . .

Whoosh we were out of the plane and falling towards the ground at a fast rate of knots. I thought my mind might turn to mush but he tapped me on the shoulder and I extended my arms as I'd been told. Man what a rush. The wind was just racing past my ears yet the ground didn't seem to be approaching. We were over a road and my eyes became fixed on this white lorry trundling along the road. It seemed so surreal that this lorry was just ordinarily driving along the road yet I was extra-ordinarily racing down through the sky towards it. At one point Frank dropped his shoulder and we seemed to race down in a swoop which was amazing. Then just as suddenly the parachute opened, my nuts were rammed up through my stomach and the roar was immediately replaced by an amazingly peaceful silence.

Frank calmly asked me what I thought and it was all I could do to stumble together a few words like amazing and incredible. It was so wonderful to look down at my feet as a point of reference and then see the ground a further 2,500 ft below them. We took our time coming down with a couple of fast spins just for fun. Frank had to unclip the two lower clasps before we could land to allow me to lift my feet up and this was a little unnerving. From taking an age to arrive suddenly the gravel drop zone came racing up and we slid in on our arses. I just sat there, awed by what I'd just done while my ears literally seemed to gurgle as the pressures within or whatever fought to rebalance themselves. Frank pulled me up and I threw my arms around Neil who had landed just before me. It was great to have had someone else to share it with. The van pulled up to take us back and I admit to being quite muted on the way back to the airport. We got out of our flight suits and signed the visitor's book. I could only think of one word to say amazing but then as I walked away more words came jumbling out which I attempted to put down. I shook hands again with Frank and thanked him for everything. I gave him a $50 tip but I wasn't sure what the going rate was and to be fair was still in a bit of a daze. The journey back to the hotel was quite somber as I was reflecting on and replaying what had happened as well as trying to rebalance my ears which were acting a little funny. Chatted to a lovely couple on the way back who were also staying at the Bellagio but were off to see the UFC fight at the MGM grand.

We had booked Penn & Teller for that evening and also had to get some grub in before then, especially as I hadn't eaten all day. Booked a table for 8 of us at 7.00pm at Morton's steakhouse and jumped in the shower. I blew my nose when I came out and then had the mother of all nose bleeds. I don't know if my blood pressure was all over the place but this just wouldn't stop despite tipping my head back, pinching my nose etc. During this I was trying to wash my teeth, apply wax to my hair, scent up and get dressed without any spillages. Eventually it stopped after about 25 minutes but I still had to walk down to the foyer dabbing my nose in case of leakage, how attractive! Got 2 cabs over to Morton's and what a great place this was. Old world charm, nice atmosphere, felt a bit gangster but in a nice way. Our waiter was truly superb and offered some of the best service I've ever experienced. He was funny and understanding, showed us all the different kinds of steak we could have, talked about the other ingredients and vegetables used and offered advice on how many side dishes we should get so we didn't go over. We also ordered two of their famous hot chocolate sponges as you had to get the orders in early. The main course arrived (we skipped starters due to time constraints) and we tucked into to a number of huge, tasty and succulent steaks. I also had creamed spinach, mushrooms and lyonnaise potatoes which were all very nice indeed. Time was running out and we requested the bill and considered leaving the dessert until it arrived. Oh golly, this was good. Hot chocolate sponge exterior with warm chocolate sauce oozing out when your spoon punctured it. All this on a crisp biscuit base and a scoop of haagen daaz vanilla ice cream. We might have been stuffed but many of us found the room for it within us. Paid the bill which wasn't bad, about $70 each including tip, and all of us agreed that it was the best meal we had eaten in Las Vegas. I deliberately stopped the waiter and told him how impressed I was with his service and how I'd never met a waiter who was more informative about his food or passionate about his guests having a nice, filling meal. The restaurant had called us two cabs and we blasted over to the Rio.

I'd said to our driver that we needed to get to the Rio for 9.00 and as it was 8.52, he pulled out some crazy stuff including turning right when greeted by a set of red traffic lights and then driving through a car park and popping out ahead of the aforementioned lights. It was like some kind of getaway driving and hugely entertaining. He even had time to show us en route a portfolio of girls at a gentleman's club that he knew and promised he could get us into. His description of the girls and the proximity to which you could get to them was pretty graphic and almost put me off the thought of women for about an hour or so. He got us there on time and we raced through the casino and hotel to the theatre, which typically when running late, was right at the very back of the hotel. Everyone had gone in and Penn & Tyler had just come on as we settled into our seats. I've got to say that they were very good to begin with. The tall one did a witty monologue about his smashed bottle juggling routine but then the show did become very talky and a little bogged down. I know they pride themselves about not doing a Vegas style show but I think it could have done with some flashes and bangs to keep me more awake.

After the huge meal, adrenaline comedown after the jump, the darkened theatre and lack of on stage action I do confess to dozing off for about 20 minutes and missed the end of the show. Left the show and had a quick drink in the casino before cabbing it back to the Bellagio. A couple of the party rained off for the night. One of the party crew was asleep in bed and Matt was feeling the effects of a bad cold and we had the frustrating do we really go to town and have a final bender or play it safe dilemma. I was up for going mad, though was beginning to feel a little drained, but didn't want to force my wishes on others. My room mate and I seemed to mooch around and skirt the issue of going silly, trying to get into Light or heading over to the Empire Ballroom but we couldn't seem to get going. Whilst he settled down for some gambling with two others I went for a meander and wandered round Caesars before heading up strip to take a look at the Venetian. Discovered the karaoke at the imperial palace which frustratingly was what I wish we had gone to on the Thursday. Right on the strip, with a bona fide room for it, a little stage, an appreciative audience and a bar, damn it! Wandered around a little more and as it had got to three and it seemed nothing was going to happen decided to retire for the night. It was a poor end to my time in Vegas but I wasn't prepared to go to a club on my own and I was feeling the first strains of tiredness.

Sunday

Up at 8.30 and started packing the case, quick shower and popped to the Caesars and Bellagio shops for some final bits and pieces and then seemed to just mull around while we waited to check out. Made the classic error just as I left the room in noticing for the first time all the sweets and savories on top of the mini bar and then picked up the cashews to show my room mate. 'Hey look, Bellagio cashew nuts' I said just as the machine clicked and charged the room. Nice work, though I did at least get some Bellagio nuts, to go with the slippers which are about four sizes too small. We checked out, keeping the door key card for posterity. It's now nicely positioned in my wallet waiting for someone to comment on it! We waited at the taxi rank which was immense and would you believe it but the fountain show started up and 'Time to say goodbye' came on over the speakers again. Wow she greeted us and waved us away. To avoid waiting we crammed eight people and our luggage into a stretch limo with the bulging boot tethered down and drove to the airport. Checked in but with three hours to the flight time I wasn't done with Vegas so grabbed a cab back to the strip. Popped into the Adidas store which was just up from the MGM and grabbed a few tops before walking to the In'n'Out burger. I just had to get my one last fix. Double, double again with the guy behind the counter wanting me to quote him a line from Wallace and Gromit in my English accent. Got myself a soft drink and only then noticed the fact that you could refill as many times as you wanted. How great but the real coup de grace was not the free ice on tap but the little plastic pot of sliced lemons, how civilized. I love a slice of lemon with my coke and enjoyed it immensely with my burger and fries. Grabbed another Neapolitan to enjoy on the walk back to the strip where I hoped to get a cab to the airport and lo and behold managed to grab one which was stopped at the traffic lights. Made the flight with plenty of time and it was pretty uneventful. Didn't get any sleep on it, watched The Fantastic Four, which I've seen before but enjoyed, landed at 11.30 and straight back into the office, though the afternoon wasn't the hardest that we've ever had. Came down with a bad cold, caused mainly due to being run down but managed to get some major shut eye this weekend and am coming through the other side. Getting a cold though is a worthy price to pay though for living the dream in Vegas.

Well I hope that hasn't been too boring for those who braved managing to read it all the way through. I wish I could say there was a prize for battling through it but there isn't I'm afraid bar that of being able to witness Vegas through the eyes of an average, excitable English male.

For my sins I just wanted a good and detailed account of the trip written down when it was all still so fresh in my mind and also so I could email it to friends and family so they could, if interested, get a real taste of Vegas.

Highs for me.

 Bellagio and the accommodation
 The Pool and Jacuzzi at the Bellagio
 In 'n' out Burger
 Gun store
 Stratosphere view
 Manilow
 VIP @ Pure (thanks again Vegas VIP)
 Freefall jump
 Morton's steakhouse

 Thanks again and I hope it made some of you smile.

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