Japan Men Not Dating

[Domenec Reynolds]

Thefirst topic we agreed to write about is dating. Specifically, dating Japanese people in Japan. Kayo wrote her piece from the perspective of an outgoing, independent, and overall badass Japanese lady. Be sure to check it out here.

Then there is language. Japanese language is extremely high context, and the level of mastery you need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship goes far beyond what you need with friends or for business.

Naturally, people who feel exhausted with their lives in Japan figure the grass must be greener at the chalet. Usually you can tell when during the first few dates, your romantic interest asks you how long before you plan to go home, and how wonderful it must be to live abroad.

The most famous is the go-kon (合コン), which is basically a group first date. Many Japanese people are nervous of just meeting one-on-one, so instead they meet two-on-two, or three-on-three. A group of single ladies will meet with a group of single men, and couples will be formed.

I was also surprised by how many couples are formed within companies. Japanese employment is usually for life, so the company can be a second family. When you spend most of your time with colleagues, romance will naturally ensue.

Sadly, sometimes declarations fail. If she friendzones you, tough luck. On the bright side, you get to use one of my favorite Japanese phrases, furareta (振られた, meaning to get rejected)! Might as well turn it into a learning experience.

Also, as you say in your blog post: Speaking the local language really opens up lots of more possibilities. In China most people either speak very poor English, or (for the vast majority) do not speak any English at all.

The truth is (this is my gut feeling, you may challenge me on that ? ) about 95% of the woman will never consider dating a foreigner, about 5% would date both and then there is this tiny tiny fraction of women (actually significantly less than 1%) that will

exclusively target foreigners. They have the same weird motives of mixed blood child and this BS and some want to leave China ( a lot of Chinese people are not very happy with their lives).

Additionally, due to this stupid one child policy and the fact that still to this date women are considered as the inferior gender, men significantly outnumber the women. So there is a shortage of women especially in rural

areas. However, while men tend to stay at home the women tend to move into the big cities. Therefore in cities like Shanghai and Shenzhen women outnumber men a little bit.

Due to these circumstances foreigners (applies only to males) are considered to be stealing Chinese women while women that date a foreigner are considered inferior and therefore dating a foreigner gets a pretty bad touch.

1. Some girls will want to fuck/date/bfgf because you are white. These tend to be 1-3s/10 with the occasional cute party girl, but these girls are low not just because of looks but they will have the worst personalities. Girls that like you for being white, black, American- these girls are the bottom of the barrel, girls that japanese guys tend to not like (its no wonder they suddenly quit and turn to foreigners).

I can 100% confirm this experience. In Tokyo it is easy to get with women, but remember there are over 40 million people living in that area. In reality there are not that many women interested in dating a foreigner, especially high quality women.

It is commonly believed that dating in Japan is easy for non-Asian (particularly white) men and hard for women. I came across a blog post by zoomingjapn, a German girl living in Japan, writing about dating in Japan as a foreigner. She expresses this view.

However, there are many people who are successful at dating in Japan. Many people provided counter-examples in the comments. My personal experience also tells me that dating in Japan is completely feasible and a lot of my friends seem to be doing OK with dating here. Then the real question is this: what is the difference between successful and unsuccessful people?

Dating in Japan can be a bit harder, compared to a more socially open country, because Japanese people tend to be reserved and cautious with strangers. Every time I go to North America or Europe, I notice how easy it is to talk to random people. If it feels harder to date in Japan, maybe it really is.

I personally know many examples of foreign men marrying, having kids with, and even moving abroad (out of Japan) with their Japanese significant others and families and generally having successful relationships. That's not to say that they don't deal with culture differences and language barriers of course though.

I know ZERO examples of that with a foreign woman and Japanese man. The only relationships that I've seen be at least sort of successful are ones where the Japanese man is either half, speaks English very well (or whatever home language of the person they are dating), and/or has lived abroad for significant periods of their life. I do not think internationally minded, English speaking Japanese men is the norm at all. With a born and raised, Japanese only speaking Japanese man and foreign women, it just does not work for so many reasons. Take the normal difficulties of cultural differences and language barriers and then add just a fundamental difference in upbringing regarding what mens and womens roles are and it is a recipe for disaster.

While these traditional approaches are still commonly observed in the Japanese society, many of the younger generation nowadays are finding them hard to keep up with. Japan is undergoing a big change in perception and practice of dating and marriage, so if you take a close look, you will be able to find a diversity of opinions among themselves.

Unlike Japan, California is a true melting pot of cultures but since I had so little dating experience back home, I was nervous about getting into the dating scene in America. Mostly because I had no idea how the American dating culture worked.

I was young and nave so it was a little scary in the beginning and I soon discovered the dating process in America is quite different from the one in Japan. In this article, I want to talk about a few major differences I saw between Japanese and American dating cultures.

If you continue to read the article THAT YOU POSTED, you will also come across stories in which younger Japanese men want to split the bill and as a result, their partners get upset. (Please read) If you continue to read you will also find two more stories of Japanese women, one whose boyfriend paid for everything and another one who did not. (READ THE POST)

Me and my boyfriend have been dating from a long time and i am so happy with him as he treats me like a princesses. I found him while online dating and i am really happy with him. its love that matter weather you pay for dating or not.

Hi Mieko, I was talking about the beginning of dating..of course american guys tend to offer to pay for drinks and even food on the first day nowadays as it seems to be the norm..otherwise you can be considered a non-gentleman and many women would not feel comfortable seeing you again for the next date,,but once they enter into a relationship, things are much more equal here. I used to pay most of our expenses for my boyfriend (in the past) and we cover equally and these days he picks up much more as things are better. ?

Yes I was mainly talking about young jerks who live in Southern California. ? Unfortunately, dating seems rather complex and stressful as men tend to ask women out here but then they tend to have ultra motives.

Sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself..women are becoming more shallow in modern American society and I can see how stressful it is for men to have to ask women out, pick up initial bills and good guys seem to be screwed in many occasions especially when they are young.

Lol had the same problem at home. I went from 0 real girlfriends to like 6 and finally found a wife. She isnt even Japanese. Being a good man is not enough in America. You have to be cool and look be the right fit with charisma.

this reminds me the culture shock I learnt from dating a Japanese girlfriend in college days in Canada as I was raised in Hong kong, she asked me out and insisted to pay my dinner. How lucky most Japanese guys are LOL

In my opinion Japanese people are far more interesting than American people. The thing which I like about Japanese people is that they are very nice people and give much more warm welcome than any other person can give. I may be wrong bt Japan is better than America.

i think the Japanese one would be better excluding the cheap dates and paying only your own bill , the male should pay for the entire date in my opinion and the girls should be liberal enough to ask a boy out !

I learned the Japanese dating customs from watching anime so I copied them back in high school when it came to my crush, I pushed myself to confess to him even if my friends were already telling me I dont have to which ended badly since the guy wasnt interested in me. My country follows the American dating customs so my parents frowned upon my actions of confessing to my crush as well ask asking him out because they feel that it would make me a cheap girl if i do those and they believe its the guys job to confess to the girl and ask her out.

Is it just me, or does this sound like a series of additional hurdles for these poor souls to have to go through? The commenters in the article were absolutely correct- surely there are better measures to help this kind of thing?

Typical Japanese way to overcomplicate things and then wonder why it hasn't succeeded. Why would people willingly give up so much personal info and be pressured to get married? So what's next, you get kicked out of the app if you've met 3 people and still haven't picked a mating partner?

Hahaha... I laughed a lot when I read this. Knowing it'll be a government app it won't work, for starters. Then they'll ask you to hook it up to your MyNumber card if they ever get it off the ground.... I mean, if you're able to input your information, switching between zenkakumoji and hankaku, plus entering a bunch of PINs sent to addresses that need verifying by checking the app, which you can't submit to without the PIN. And we all know how great the government is with private information, too. The only reasons I didn't laugh harder at this was, a) they are using our taxes for this, b) they are doing this instead of taking actual measures to increase the desire to find a partner and possibly create a family. Reinstitute tax breaks for families? Nah... let's make a government dating app!

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