All About Them Download
Kip Veilleux
I think we have all been in a situation where a friend or family member looks at you with concern etched over their face and says the words "I am worried about you." or sends you a text that says "Are you OK? We are all so worried about you."
I was out for dinner with a friend at the weekend and he said "people keep texting me and telling me they are worried about me, I don't get it, I have just been busy". I got incredibly irritated on his behalf because what I saw was that well meaning friends were actually creating stress and distance, rather than providing support or companionship.
I hate this shit. I hate it. I hate it because, despite good intentions, telling someone you are worried about them almost certainly brings about the exact opposite response as the intention. When we say that to people (and certainly no doubt I have in the past) we are trying to let them know that we are here for them, that we support them, that we see that perhaps they are struggling. What we actually do, however, is make people feel judged, talked about, unsupported and like "a problem".
For example, my husband experiences mental illness, some days, weeks or months worse than others. If I tell him I am worrying, I am essentially ladling on some additional guilt and creating an unsafe space for him to talk. When we are experiencing difficulties, for most of us the last thing we want to do is feel as though we are having a negative impact on others, we likely do not want to feel vulnerable or exposed or like we are royally fucking up. Telling someone you are worried about them does exactly this. To me, it feels lazy, putting the burden of fixing back on the one suffering. There's so much more positive, proactive things we can say instead. For example:
Telling someone you are worried is often just the truth. We do worry about those we care about, though instead we can try to tell people that we care about them, that we love them and that we are here for them, rather than focusing on negative consequences they have on us.
One of my biggest personal \u201Cwow\u201D moments during my time at Uber as a developer, was when I began using stacked diffs. Stacking refers to breaking down a pull request (PR) for a feature into several, smaller PRs which all depend on each other \u2013 hence the term \u201Cstacked\u201D. It might sound counterintuitive, but this workflow is incredibly efficient by making it easier to review and modify PRs \u2013 or \u201Cdiffs\u201D as we called them at Uber.
For today\u2019s issue, I reached out to five former Meta software engineers for their insights on stacking. All are now cofounders, or early employees at the developer tooling startup Graphite, which builds this stacking workflow for any company using GitHub. I am a small investor in Graphite \u2013 after experiencing the major impact which stacking had on productivity at Uber, and being curious about why this tooling is not more widely available.
But you are blocked if you want to make changes in PR_2 that depend on changes in PR_1 being in the main branch. Then there\u2019s no choice but to await PR_1 approval and ping reviewers, asking them to speed up the review.
The idea behind stacked diffs is that you can keep working on your main branch, and worry about reviews later. You check out the main branch and start working on it, make a small change, and commit this as a diff \u2013 a very small pull request. You then continue working, creating a second diff, and a third, and so on.
Rebasing is not unique to stacked diffs, though: it\u2019s a pain point that happens any time lots of engineers are working in the same part of the codebase. Stacked diffs actually make rebasing a little easier because the conflicts you need to merge tend to be smaller, since the diffs themselves are smaller. The most risky rebase tends to be merging a branch with hundreds or thousands of lines of changed code and dozens of conflicts.
But the tech giant gives users little indication that it buys far more sensitive data about them, including their income, the types of restaurants they frequent and even how many credit cards are in their wallets.
When asked this week about the lack of disclosure, Facebook responded that users can discern the use of third-party data if they know where to look. Each time an ad appears using such data, Facebook says, users can click a button on the ad revealing that fact. Users can still not see what specific information about their lives is being used. The company said it does not disclose the use of third-party data on its general page about ad targeting because the data is widely available and was not collected by Facebook.
Users can ask data brokers to show them the information stored about them. But that can also be complicated. One Facebook broker, Acxiom, requires people to send the last four digits of their social security number to obtain their data. Facebook changes its providers from time to time so members would have to regularly visit the help center page to protect their privacy.
In addition, when asked about the best role models for civil and respectful behavior online, teens overwhelmingly pointed to parents (80%), followed by teachers at a distant second (49%), and other adults, athletes and celebrities at 22%, 17% and 15%, respectively.
Hemorrhoids are usually caused by increased pressure due to pregnancy, being overweight, or straining during bowel movements. By midlife, hemorrhoids often become an ongoing complaint. By age 50, about half the population has experienced one or more of the classic symptoms, which include rectal pain, itching, bleeding, and possibly prolapse (hemorrhoids that protrude through the anal canal). Although hemorrhoids are rarely dangerous, they can be a recurrent and painful intrusion. Fortunately, there's a lot we can do about hemorrhoids.
Band it. The most commonly used hemorrhoid treatment in the United States is rubber band ligation, in which a small elastic band is placed around the base of a hemorrhoid (see box above). The band causes the hemorrhoid to shrink and the surrounding tissue to scar as it heals, holding the hemorrhoid in place. It takes two to four procedures, done six to eight weeks apart, to completely eliminate the hemorrhoid. Complications, which are rare, include mild pain or tightness (usually relieved with a sitz bath), bleeding, and infection. Other office procedures include laser or infrared coagulation, sclerotherapy, and cryosurgery. They all work on the same principle as rubber band ligation but are not quite as effective in preventing recurrence. Side effects and recurrence vary with the procedure, so consult your physician about what's best for your situation.
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