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During the period of shiva, mourners remain at home. Friends and family visit those in mourning in order to give their condolences and provide comfort. The process, dating back to biblical times, formalizes the natural way an individual confronts and overcomes grief. Shiva allows for the individual to express their sorrow, discuss the loss of a loved one, and slowly reenter society.[6]
The process of mourning begins with the first stage, otherwise known as Aninut. During this time, individuals experience the initial shock of their loss. Often emotions associated with the period of Aninut include anger, denial, and disbelief. This is the most extreme period of mourning, and the one in which the keriah (the rending of the garments) is performed; it begins the moment the individual dies and lasts until the end of the funeral service. Following Aninut is shiva, in which the mourners dedicate seven days to remembrance of the deceased person. Throughout shiva, individuals are instructed to take a break from their routines in order to focus on their loss.[11] The stage of mourning known as sheloshim (literally "thirty") lasts until thirty days after the burial. The first seven days of sheloshim is the period of shiva; sheloshim continues after shiva has ended. After the intense period of shiva, which is mainly contained to the home, during the remainder of sheloshim the bereaved leave their residences and begin to interact with others again. Sheloshim encourages individuals to participate in social relations in order to slowly ease back into normal daily activities. The final stage, yahrzeit or yizkor, is a twelve-month period of mourning, after which yearly remembrance ceremonies are held for the individual who died.[1]
The shiva period commences immediately after the burial. The remainder of the day (until sundown) is considered to be the first day of shiva, even though it is only a partial day. On the seventh day (e.g., on Monday, if the first day was Tuesday), shiva ends in the morning after shacharit prayers (if no public services are held on the morning of the seventh day, a service is conducted in the home of the mourner); thus, the seventh day is again a partial day. The sheloshim (thirty-day period of mourning) continues until the end of morning services on the 30th day, 23 days after the end of shiva; as with shiva, the two partial days at the beginning and end are counted as full days.[1][12]
Religious holidays during shiva and sheloshim change the mourning period slightly. Because Judaism embraces the holidays with joy, the sadness and grief associated with mourning are meant to be set aside until the holiday concludes. Typically, if an individual dies before the beginning of a holiday, the holiday removes the observance of shiva or sheloshim. The days of the holiday are counted towards the days of mourning, and the rules enforced during mourning are revoked in order to encourage the celebration of a holiday. If a death occurred during the holiday or unknowingly, mourning commences after the holiday ends. In other situations, if the entirety of shiva has been observed prior to the start of a holiday, the holiday will cancel the observance of sheloshim, signifying the fulfillment of this period of mourning.[1]
During Shabbat, private mourning continues, while public mourning is suspended. Individuals are permitted to wear shoes and leave their home to partake in public prayer services. In order to prepare for Shabbat, individuals are allowed to interrupt shiva for up to one hour and fifteen minutes in order to cook, dress, and perform other tasks. If this is not enough time to do so, in certain situations there may be two and a half hours allotted for such.[1]
During Passover, any days in observance of shiva before the start will equate to seven when the holiday begins. Since Passover is celebrated for eight days, any mourning prior will total to fifteen days when holiday ends, leaving only fifteen days of observance of sheloshim.[1]
During Shavuot, any days in observance of shiva before the start will equate to seven when the holiday begins. The first day of Shavuot equates to seven days. The second day of Shavuot is considered the fifteenth day, leaving only fifteen days left of observance of sheloshim.[1]
During Sukkot, any days in observance of shiva before the start will equate to seven when the holiday begins. Since Sukkot is observed for seven days, any mourning prior will total to fourteen days when the holiday ends. Shemini Atzeret is considered the eighth day of Sukkot, and equates to seven days of mourning. Simchat Torah is considered the twenty-second day of mourning, leaving only eight days of observance of sheloshim.[1]
During Rosh Hashanah, any days in observance of shiva before the start will equate to seven days when the holiday begins. Yom Kippur following Rosh Hashanah, will symbolize the end of mourning, and the end of both shiva and sheloshim.[1]
During Yom Kippur, any days in observance of shiva before the start will equate to seven days when the holiday begins. Sukkot, following Yom Kippur, will symbolize the end of mourning, and the end of both shiva and sheloshim.[1]
If the death occurs during Yom Tov, shiva does not begin until the burial is completed. Burial may not take place on Yom Tov, but can during the intermediate days of Sukkot or Passover, otherwise known as Chol HaMoed.[1]
If a burial occurs on Chol HaMoed of Passover, shiva does not begin until after the Yom Tov is completed. In the Diaspora, where most Yamim Tovim are observed for two days, mourning does not take place on the second day, but the day is still counted as one of the days of shiva.[1]
After hearing of the death of a close relative, Jewish beliefs and traditions instruct individuals to tear their clothing as the primary expression of grief. The process of tearing the garment is known as keriah.[15] The tearing is done while standing and is required to extend in length to a tefach (handbreadth),[16][17] or what is equivalent to about 9 centimetres (3.5 in). Upon tearing the clothing, the mourner recites a blessing which describes God as "the true Judge". This blessing reminds mourners to acknowledge that God has taken the life of a close relative, and is seen as the first step in the acceptance of grief. The garment is torn over the heart if the individual who died was a parent, or over the chest on the right side if the individual who died was another relative. The torn article of clothing is worn throughout the period of shiva, the only exception being on Shabbat.[18][19]
Within Judaism, candles are symbolic of special events throughout life. They are lit during major holidays, during Shabbat, and during the process of mourning candles are required to burn for the entirety of shiva. Prior to the death of Rabbi Judah HaNasi in the third century, he instructed that a light should be kept burning.[22] During shiva, the candle represents the deceased. The light is symbolic of the human being, the wick and flame are representative of the body and soul respectively, as well as their connection with one another.[23] Traditionally, candles are required to be made of either oil or paraffin and are not allowed to be electric. The candle is ideally burned in the home of the deceased, but exceptions can be made. Regardless, candles should be in the presence of those observing shiva. During major holidays, the candle may be moved in order to lessen the feeling of mourning and focus on the joyous occasion at hand.[1]
Individuals who are in mourning, or in a shiva home, are required to cover mirrors from the time an individual dies until the end of shiva. There are several reasons Judaism requires this. The first reason may stem from the idea that man was created in the image of God. In doing so, man acquires the same dignity and value as God. When a creation of God dies, this lessens his image. The death of human beings disrupts the connection between the living man and living God. Since the purpose of mirrors is to reflect such image, they are covered during mourning. A second reason mirrors are covered in Judaism branches from contemplation of one's relationship with God during the death of a loved one. At this time, individuals are instructed to focus on grief and mourning rather than themselves. In order to prevent selfish thoughts, all mirrors are covered within the homes of mourners. A third reason which depicts why mirrors should be covered comes from the law which states that an individual may not stand directly in front of an image or worship one. Therefore, mirrors and pictures are hidden during mourning.[1]
Leather shoes are not permitted to be worn during the observance of shiva.[25][26][27] The reasoning behind this involves a lack of luxury. Without leather shoes, an individual is able to concentrate on mourning and the deeper meaning of life. However, exceptions to this rule include pregnant women[28] and those with ailments of the feet.[29][30] Aside from those observing shiva or sheloshim, guests and individuals who are not should refrain from wearing leather shoes in the home of mourners as well.
Similar to the idea of wearing leather shoes, hygiene and personal grooming fall under the idea of the task being done for pleasure. Such acts are prohibited during the observation of shiva or sheloshim as they are seen as actions done for physical comfort.[31] However, there is a fine line which separates grooming for hygienic reasons and for comfort. Therefore, in order to prevent grooming for comfort individuals who are mourning are instructed to only bathe separate parts of the body, head, and face. On top of this, cold or cool water is recommended. The use of cosmetics is not allowed as this constitutes an act done for comfort and pleasure.[32] However, the exception to this rule is a woman who is a bride, is engaged to be married, or is dating to be married.[32]
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