Best Funny Quotes
Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the
case, and got my tuition back.
Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what
I am saying.
Groucho Marx
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but
together can decide that nothing can be done.
George Bernard Shaw
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
support of Paul.
(Thats how most governments are run ---- thanks to
coalition governments)
Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well
known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Robert McCloskey
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm
not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Mark Twain
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one
they flogged off me during school term.
Henry A. Kissinger
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Robert Frost
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and
ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Mae West
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've
never tried before.
Steven Wright
Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your
two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!
Charles Schulz
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already
tomorrow in Australia.
Jerry Seinfeld
There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.
