Our Hetero "Friends"
Ezekiel Krahlin
------------------------------------------------------------------
OUR HETERO 'FRIENDS'
Copyright 1997 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin (ekra...@fog.net)
(Permission granted to freely distribute this essay anywhere and
everywhere, in its complete and unaltered form, with credit to
the true author.)
Dear Compatriots of Same-Sex Love,
So, you have straight friends--even family members,
perhaps--who are so very understanding and accepting of your
homosexuality. Or are they, really? Take a second look and
see how they stand up to the seven litmus tests I describe
herein:
1) Of course, if they accept your homosexuality, they
are most likely "liberals". And--being the good liberals they
are--they proudly wear T-shirts and decals proclaiming their
support of black people's rights, women's rights, ecological
causes, anti-nuclear slogans, et cetera. But where are their
T-shirts that say something like "Another hetero for gay
rights"? If your straight friends do not display pro-gay
icons on a regular basis--as they do for other causes--then
they are not truly supportive of your sexual civil rights.
Just as in the past, many white folks did not vocalize support
for black people from fear of being called "nigger
lovers"...many liberals are afraid of being labeled "faggot"
if they display support for gay rights. (Their loss, and your
holocaust.)
2) Your "progressive" hetero friends love to chew the
fat over political issues (see above)...yet they never seem to
come around to discussing the gay dilemma. Unless, of course,
you yourself interject that topic, with resulting token
responses by your "supportive" chums. But if you're silent, or
not there, homosexuality is never a part of their progressive
agenda. If they donate to liberal causes, have they ever
included a contribution to some lesbian or gay organization?
3) If your "loving" family members say they support
you...how far will they go in defending you before a bigoted
relative? Or do they avoid the topic of homosexuality
altogether, in order to never be in a position to defend you?
4) If you lost a lover from AIDS or other tragedy: how
many family members rush to your side in loving concern, to
ease you through your passage of grief...as they clearly would
for their heterosexual kin? Or do they give you a cursory nod
of sympathy, then go on their own selfish way? (Implying, of
course, that no one can really take a homosexual relationship
seriously...it is, at best, a joke; and certainly something
one can get over in a few weeks or less.)
5) Has any close relative (such as a brother, sister, or
parent) ever voluntarily approached you to ask your opinions
of what it's like to be gay, and how you cope with an
intolerant society? Does any relative take the kindness to
recognize your humanity during Lesbian/ Gay Pride Week? (Or
do they all pretend they don't even know of its existence,
even when you remind them of the upcoming event each year?)
Has any one of them actually read a book about
homosexuality--just as they read about racism, Viet Nam,
etc.-- that they may better understand the issue?
6) Are your "understanding" hetero buddies often
rationalizing society's homophobia with statements like:
"Well, heterosexuality is so deeply ingrained in our
culture...it will take some time yet for society to come
around." Though they would never dream of saying the same
thing for other issues of oppression; such as black people's
rights, child abuse, job discrimination towards females, etc.
(Yet those negative aspects are just as ingrained in our
society, as is hatred towards homosexuals.)
7) Do your relatives go all ga-ga over conventional
"het" weddings within the family...and pretend to never
comprehend why you might feel a little less eager to celebrate
these breeder unions, than they are? ("Oh, cousin Peggy, I'm
so happy you're getting married to the man of your dreams!
I'll dance with all the bridesmaid's and sing, and play piano,
and in general, be the life of the party. Then when it's all
over, I'll go back to my little queer closet, where I can
brood to my heart's content over never being able to celebrate
a marriage with the partner of my dreams, as you, privileged
hetero, can so freely do.")
Note: Would you consider refusing to attend hetero
weddings until the time when gays can also marry...and mail a
written declaration to this effect to your closer relatives?
Or are you a slave to your family's every demand...and/or
afraid of losing certain fringe benefits, such as paid college
tuition, generous birthday and graduation gifts, family
business loans and donations, and a sumptuous inheritance or
two? If so, then you must also bear some guilt for
perpetuating homophobia. Mama's boys just don't cut the
mustard when it comes to defending homosexual civil rights at
the cost of making their mothers happy.
Many of us live in delusion as to the assumed "stalwart
support" from our heterosexual kith and kin. So I hope the
examples above will wake up some of our sisters and brothers.
I must also point out that if you do have family members and
straight friends who pass these litmus tests, then you are a
lucky soul, indeed.
I am a Christian who believes that Jesus is homosexual,
and whose lover is of course, God. And it is also my belief
that Jesus had the homosexuality/family issue in mind, when He
said (Matthew 10:35-36):
For I have come to set a man against his father, a
daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law
against her mother-in-law. And a man's foes will be
those of his own household.
President Clinton's signing of the so-called "Defense Of
Marriage Act" is clearly this prophecy on the way to
fulfilling itself. Best prepare for the revolution about to
come, and beware of family and most of your hetero
buddies--for they may kill you with "friendly fire."
END OF ESSAY "OUR HETERO 'FRIENDS'"
------------------------------------------------------------------