My First Urban Legend: "The Dead Cow Coffee Table"
Chief Thracian
another Hindu, a lovely young lady. Well, I always enjoyed visiting
them...and her homemade curries and chutneys were to die for!
Well, one day after several weeks being my new neighbors, I visit them
Monday evening (as usual), to find a large, stuffed cow lying on its
side in the living room, and being used as a coffee table! You know: a
large square of beveled glass riveted into the dead cow's side.
I know cows are sacred in India, but still, I think this is over the
top. However, I do find it humorous, and since no foul odors seems to
emanate from it, I think, "What the hey. I won't even bring it up.
They're such nice people." And so they never bring it up either, and
therefore I become more and more amused, not to mention CURIOUS?
Soon after the dead cow arrived, the couple became a little unhappy, a
little less loving...and even start to make snippy remarks at each
other (like theatrical asides) between their otherwise loving
dialogues. I grow accustomed to their new personnas as somewhat cooler
to each other, than during their first month here.
Then one day I drop by for our usual Darjeeling and chat, to find the
wife isn't home, just the husband. (For all my many evening visits
over two months, she's ALWAYS been home...until now.) And sitting on
the dead-cow coffee table, is an open jar of vaseline. (So hey, lots
of other stuff--paraphernalia and so on--is clumped upon that table.
In fact I had to shove aside a small mound of paper-and-trinkit debris
in order to set down my teacup.)
But what catches my eagle eye, has NOTHING to with anything on TOP of
the table. I just happen to notice how slick and shiny is the area
around the bovine's hindquarters, and nowhere else. "But what the
hey," I figure, "he's adding a lacquer to his prize 'objet d'moo'". (I
didn't, at that time, put moo and moo together.)
However, his wife never shows up again, for any of my visits. And soon
after, the husband moves out, one rainy night. You see, they had
divorced.
And where's the dead cow table now? Who knows? Last I saw of it was on
that stormy night my Indian neighbor moved out...and was lying, all
tilted, piled precariously atop a huge heap of junk...and chipped
around the head (and, and, maybe vaseline stains there, too)...must be
plaster of paris, huh? And the rain grew very, very heavy into the
dark, wee hours. So heavy, so dense, I could no longer see the
accursed coffee table from my back window. But I was kept awake all
night by a low, distant moaning that sounded kinda like a grieving
cow. "Mooooooooooo!" What, me superstitious? Nah...I wrote it off to
the creaks and groans of an old, arthritic building suffering a big
wet storm.
The next day, it was gone; the whole dumpster was gone. So beware of
the dead-cow coffee table. It's out there somewhere, at this or that
tres-chique, tsochke-loving drag queen's yard sale in some dusty alley
of San Francisco. Don't, I repeat, DON'T take it off the current
owners' hands, no matter how BIG a bribe, how enticing the offer.
(Satyromaniacs and hackers, be especially on your guard!)
---
Jehovah's Queer Witness: Ezekiel J. Krahlin
"Funnier than a barrel of lesbian monkeys with puffy v*ginas!"
-Siskill & Prevert
http://www.gay-bible.org
Light Templar
"Chief Thracian" <zekeol...@chiefthracian.mailshell.com> wrote in message
news:d46ddbb9.03051...@posting.google.com...
>
> The next day, it was gone; the whole dumpster was gone. So beware of
> the dead-cow coffee table. It's out there somewhere, at this or that
> tres-chique, tsochke-loving drag queen's yard sale in some dusty alley
> of San Francisco. Don't, I repeat, DON'T take it off the current
> owners' hands, no matter how BIG a bribe, how enticing the offer.
> (Satyromaniacs and hackers, be especially on your guard!)
Forgive me for being obtuse. But was there some point to all of this?
Letao
"Light Templar" <I...@DONTACCEPTEMAIL.FAM> wrote:
Uh...you're talking to Zeke...do you really think that's a fair question?
--
Letao
Chief Thracian
> Forgive me for being obtuse. But was there some point to all of this?
It was for your a-mooz-ment.
---
"Many are called but few are chosen;
Step right up for your lederhosen."
- Big Gay Brother [ gay-bible.org ]
Chief Thracian
> Uh...you're talking to Zeke...do you really think that's a fair question?
Now, now. Be nice. Don't forget I hold the key to your cage.
---
Jehovah's Queer Witness (Zeke Krahlin)
"Funnier than a barrel full of monkeys with hard-ons!" -Siskill & Prevert
http://www.gay-bible.org
Light Templar
"Chief Thracian" <zekeol...@chiefthracian.mailshell.com> wrote in message
news:d46ddbb9.03051...@posting.google.com...
news:<EyCxa.2222$rO.2...@newsread1.prod.itd.earthlink.net>...
>
> > Forgive me for being obtuse. But was there some point to all of this?
>
> It was for your a-mooz-ment.
>
Ah.. Okay...