ni gute wabona uwo ushaka

[Augustin Nzayisengab]

Abantu batari bake bakunze kutwandikira batubaza uko babigenza ngo
babone inshuti z’abakobwa cyangwa z’abahungu. Ibyo bikaba ari ibintu
bisanzwe kuko n’Imana irema umugabo n’umugore ni uko yasanze ari
ngombwa ko ntawe ubaho wenyine kandi ikaba yaranabonaga bakwiranye.
Gusa abatwandikira bibaza uko babona inshuti iyo batubwiye muri
rusange ku buzima bwabo usanga uburyo babaho ari bwo bubabuza kubona
izo nshuti, zaba izo bahuje igitsina cyangwa izo badahuje igitsina.
Usanga umuntu nk’uwo ari wa wundi utinya kwegera abantu abo ari bo
bose, cyangwa wenda akaba ari umuntu ugira urugwiro kuri bose ariko
hari kindi abura.

Hari ikintu kimwe abahanga mu mibanire y’abantu basanze cyagufasha
kubona umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa w’inshuti utarushye kandi utaniriwe
ubitekerezaho cyane. Icyo kintu ni uguhindura uburyo ubaho n’uko ubona
abantu n’imibanire yabo muri rusange. Ibyo turabigarukaho ariko
impamvu ugomba guhinduka nta yindi itari uko niba uko ubaho
kutagushimishije nta kindi wakora uretse gushakisha ukundi wabaho kuko
iyo ikipe yitwara nabi mu kibuga iba igomba guhinduka nta kabuza.

Muri uko guhindura ubuzima bwawe, hari ibyo ugomba gukurikiza:

-Hindura uko ubona ibintu

Hari abantu babona kugira inshuti nko kwiyandarika cyangwa nk’uburyo
bwo kugwa mu bishuko. Abandi bo bafite ukuntu babona nabi abo badahuje
igitsina (nko kumva ko abakobwa bose bakunda amafaranga, cyangwa
abahungu bose ari ababeshyi), ibi bikaba inzitizi ikomeye mu mibanire
yabo n’abo badahuje igitsina. Guhindura uko ubona ibintu ni intambwe
ya mbere yo kubana neza n’abo mudahije igitsina.

-Ishimire uko umeze

Niba ushaka umuntu ugukunda ugomba kubanza ukikunda. Ikizwi ni uko
waba mugufi, muremure, igikara, inzobe, ubyibushye cyangwa unanutse,
uko wifata bigira uruhare rukomeye ku kuntu abandi bagufata. Niba uko
ureshya, usa cyangwa ungana nta kibazo bigutera, ntibizaba ikibazo ku
bandi kuko bazaba babona wiyizeye, ntacyo ubaye. Amikoro yawe cyangwa
aho ukomoka nutabifata nk’ikibazo nta wundi uzabibona nabi,
n’uwabikora ni we waba ufite ikibazo.

-Kugira inshuti mudahuje igitsina (boyfriend/girlfriend) sibyo ugomba
kugira intego nyamukuru

Mu buzima bwawe ukeneye inshuti nyinshi zitandukanye ziri mu byiciro
byose. Wowe ushaka inshuti y’umuhungu cyangwa y’umukobwa ugomba
gufungura umutima wawe ukongera umubare w’inshuti usanganywe. Ni
ukuvuga ko ugomba kwakira neza buri muntu ukugana cyangwa muhuye
(umusaza, umukecuru, umwana, yewe n’uruhinja) ku buryo aba inshuti
yawe.

Hari uwibaza ati “ibyo se kandi bimaze iki mu gushaka copain/ copine?”
OK, tuvuge niba uhuye n’umukecuru ukamwubaha, yaba akeneye ko umufasha
ukamufasha, yaba akeneye uwo baganira ukamuba hafi mugahuza urugwiro,
amahirwe aba ahari ni uko hari igihe muzahura ari kumwe n’umwe mu
buzukuru be akamubwira uburyo uri umwana mwiza, ugasanga wungutse
inshuti yo mu kigero cyawe. Uwo mwuzukuru we niyo atakubera inshuti
yakwereka izindi nshuti ze…

Ibyo bihuye n’uko ushobora guhura n’umukobwa ntumukunde, ariko
numugirira urugwiro mugatandukana neza, ubutaha mushobora guhura ari
kumwe n’umuvandimwe we cyangwa n’inshuti ye itagira uko isa akayibwira
ati “uyu ni kanaka ni inshuti yanjye…” ugasanga uhise uba inshuti
n’iyo nkumi (cyangwa umusore) utarinze kwibaza uko uzamugeraho. Muri
make ujye wumva ko uko uzamenyena n’abantu benshi ariko na bo bazajya
bakugeza ku bandi harimo n’abahungu cyangwa abakobwa wakuramo inshuti.

Uko kwegera abantu ukabubaha, ukanabasigira ishusho nziza yawe bituma
bakugeza ku bandi bityo bityo. No mu Kinyarwanda baravuga ngo inshuti
igusiga indi. Kubana neza n’abantu bose nta nyungu ubatezeho nibyo
bizagufasha kugera ku bakubera inshuti.

Iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa ashaka inshuti areba niba uwo muntu bari
kumwe azi kubana n’abantu. Kumenyana n’abantu benshi rero bimwereka ko
uri umuntu mwiza, ugira urugwiro kandi abantu bishimira.

Ikindi ugomba gukora mu gihe ushaka inshuti ni ukumenyana n’abahungu
benshi (niba uri umukobwa ) cyangwa n’abakobwa benshi bashoboka (niba
uri umuhungu). Ibyo bigufasha kumva ko kugira inshuti mudahuje
igitsina ari ibintu bisanzwe, kandi igikunze kugaragara nko ku bahungu
ni uko iyo uziranye n’abakobwa benshi (mu buryo bwiza ariko!) bituma
izindi nkumi zikubaha zikakubona nk’umuntu uzi kubana n’igitsina gore.

Ibyo byitwa social proof. Kuba ufite inshuti nyinshi byerekana ko uri
umunyarugwiro (a social person) kandi wibitseho ubukungu, bigatuma
abakobwa cyangwa abahungu bibaza uko byagenda ngo nabo bakumenye.

-Va mu cyumba utembere

Ibyo navuze haruguru ntiwabigeraho udatembera. Wahurira he n’abantu?
Akazi cyangwa amasomo sicyo cyonyine kikubeshejeho kuri iyi si.
Gutembera ugahura n’abantu nabyo ni ngombwa cyane! Itabire ubukwe
n’ibirori bitandukanye watumiwemo, si ngombwa ko uhamara igihe kinini.
Ibyo bituma umenyana n’abantu kandi n’uwo mutamenyaniye aho ushobora
kumubona ahandi ugahita ugenda ukamusuhuza ukamubwira uti “ndakwibuka,
nakubonye kwa kanaka cya gihe.”

-Ikindi ni uko imyambarire yawe igomba kuba koko ijyanye n’igihe kandi
itagusebya. Imyitwarire nayo bikaba uko.

Muri make jya usohoka iwawe wumva wishimiye uko wambaye, uko usa n’uko
wiyumva mu mutima wawe. Ibyo bizatuma ucya mu maso, kandi abantu
bakubone neza nyine, bityo wunguke inshuti. Muri make nta kindi
cyagufasha kubona inshuti uretse kubana neza n’abandi, ukumva ko
kumenyana n’abantu benshi kandi batandukanye ari ngombwa mu buzima
kandi ukakira ibintu mu buryo buri positive.

Ubutaha tuzavuga ku kuntu wakwitwara umaze kubona uwo wumva wishimiye.