13th Oct 2008

10 views

Skip to first unread message

Jayne Mee

unread,

Oct 13, 2008, 5:10:41 AM10/13/08

to gadz...@googlegroups.com

Started in 2001

Subscribe: gadzooks-...@googlegroups.com

Unsubscribe: gadzooks-u...@googlegroups.com

To send jokes etc: gadzook...@yahoo.com

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

Want clean humor?
join Pure Gadzooks!
pure-gadzoo...@googlegroups.com

WELCOME TO FUN!
Some of the pictures/cartoons may offend the easily offended....what are you doing subscribed to an adult list anyway????

I put a lot of time and hard work into bringing Gadzooks to you!
Please show your appreciation by buying something advertised on the newsletter. Show your thanks and get great items at even greater prices!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today's Jokes

A drunk says to the bartender, "I want a woman!" So, the bartender gives him directions to the local brothel. The customer was so drunk, he misreads the directions and accidentally goes into the office of a foot doctor. The receptionist at the counter asks, "Can I help you?" "Yes, I want some service," states the drunk. She sends him to one of the examination rooms and tells him to put it on the table. The drunk goes in and places his manhood on the exam table. When the doctor comes in, the startled podiatrist sees the man's member on the table and she says, "That's not a foot!" The drunk replies, "Give it time, lady, give it time."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A skull and a set of jump leads walk up to a bar..

Bouncer: Not tonight, lads.

Skull: Why not?

Bouncer: Cause you're out of your head, and he's going to start something!

hehe

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

New Words for 2008

* SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING
Sitting round in a group, discussing why

A deadline was missed or a project failed,

And who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,

Craps on everything, and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SINBAD
Single working girls. Single income,

No boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her

Hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE

MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an

Electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH - NO SECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake

(e.g. You've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant.

The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying

Stars that staff at fast-food rest au rants often

Wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but

there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night

While you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub

Is suddenly packed with stunners when you

Come back in.

* TART FUEL
Bottled premixed spirits,

Regularly consumed

By young women.

* PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her,

So she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Thoughts From a Wandering Mind

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
~~~
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
~~~
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
~~~
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
~~~
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
~~~
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
~~~
What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
~~~
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them..
~~~
Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
~~~
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
~~~
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
~~~
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
~~~
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
~~~
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
~~~
How can there be self-help 'groups'?
~~~
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
~~~
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
~~~
Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this Transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Italian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.

A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket
and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his
kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three
mighty swings!

The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the
shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded
sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing
Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still
doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the
table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and
shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd
went wild! Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after
the show.

'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know something.
You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?'

'Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to
stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in
my pocket."

"Oh really" she spat. "then you must have some job, because that's the fifth
raise you've had in the last half hour."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today's jewels!

Sterling silver ring - genuine emeralds

Sizes available : 5 6 7 8 9

Send email to receive an invoice

jayn...@yahoo.com?subject=ring.22.99.DT111R

ONLY

$22.99 FREE shipping!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
Children's clothes - sent Worldwide! New items will be added later today (13th Oct)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sex Toy Warehouse

http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today's pictures and cartoons!

Have a great day!
Gadzooks!

Want to UNSUBSCRIBE? - Please do not ask me to do it - this is an opt in list.... you subscribed, you are the one that must unsubscribe yourself.
It's easy - send a blank email to: gadzooks-u...@googlegroups.com

Black kitty knockout (Videos)
http://www.funlol.com/12084/Black_kitty_knockout.html
<a href="http://www.funlol.com/12084/Black_kitty_knockout.html">Click here!</a>

Dodge ball chick nailed (Videos)
http://www.funlol.com/12083/Dodge_ball_chick_nailed.html
<a href="http://www.funlol.com/12083/Dodge_ball_chick_nailed.html">Click here!</a>

Dumb guy getting a speeding ticket (Videos)
http://www.funlol.com/12082/Dumb_guy_getting_a_speeding_ticket.html
<a href="http://www.funlol.com/12082/Dumb_guy_getting_a_speeding_ticket.html">Click here!</a>

Punching a girl in Mcdonalds (Videos)
http://www.funlol.com/12080/Punching_a_girl_in_Mcdonalds.html
<a href="http://www.funlol.com/12080/Punching_a_girl_in_Mcdonalds.html">Click here!</a>