Happy Halloween
JAYNE MEE
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Today's Jokes
Racist joke - WARNING!
Question: Why don't witches ever have babies?
Answer: Warlocks have hollow weenies.Question: Why can't Witches have babies?
Answer: Because their husbands have crystal balls________________________________________________________
Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men
1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile.3. One usually makes a better pie.
4. They are always on the doorstep there waiting for you!
5. If you don't like the way he looks, you just carve up another face.
6. If he starts smelling up your place, you can just throw him out.
7. From the start you know a pumpkin has an empty, mush filled head to begin with.
8. A pumpkin is turned on (lit-up) only when you want him to be.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex
2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!
3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!
4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!
5. I got the best piece from that house.
6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!
7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....
8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!
9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.
10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!
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TRICK OR TREATING BY STAR
SIGN
Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door
first.
Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates.
Gemini
goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around
again.
Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other
trick-or-treaters.
Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out
because someone else had the same idea.
Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit
and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper.
Libra is still standing in front
of the closet trying to decide on a costume.
Scorpio isn't in it for the
candy.
Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next
town.
Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and
the optimal route to take.
Aquarius builds the costume out of spare
flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts.
Pisces skips
the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
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Top Signs you're too Old for
trick or treating!
12. You ask to use the washroom every two
houses.
11. You lose your teeth bobbing
for apples at Halloween parties.
10. You get winded from knocking on the
door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8.
You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in
your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great
Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the
door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4.
By the end of the night, you have a bag full of
restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that
won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in
the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your
ex-wives live
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Today's link
Seinfeld on Halloween
(video)
http://www.funlol.com/funpages/seinfeld-on-halloween.html
<a href=" http://www.funlol.com/funpages/seinfeld-on-halloween.html">Click here!</a>
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Today's jewels!
$19.99 (free shipping)
jayn...@yahoo.com?subject=set.erss30092.19.99
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
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Will be adding new children's clothes today .... need Christmas presents?
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
I'm selling Zoe and Natalia's dresses that no longer fit them... see link below
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/Asimenia-Sterling-Silver
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Jayne's Useless Gif
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POLITICALLY CORRECT
HALLOWEEN
Political correctness is taking
its toll on Halloween. Consider some old Halloween activities, for
example:
WITCH BURNING: Just singe one around the edges today and the ERA
types will be on you like stink on shit. What 30 centuries of white male authors
used to call witches, are today respected as complexion-impaired,
wardrobe-challenged women.
WINDOW WAXING: These days you'll only set off
the light-, noise-, motion-, and aroma-sensitive burglar alarm, and quickly exit
in cuffs and revolving lights, if you're lucky enough not to leave prime filet
of leg with the neighborhood rottweiler.
TRICK-OR-TREATING: This
obviously would be prosecuted as a violation of federal RICO [racketeering]
statutes, except that most of the perpetrators are juveniles, and thus have the
civil right to thumb their noses at the law and be back on the street before the
candy runs out.
And then there are the treats themselves:
Candy
should be dispensed only with balancing doses of Ritalin, soft-bristle
toothbrushes and an effective (but fluoride free) dentifrice.
Apples
should be organic, Alar-free, union-packed, washed in genuine American
Zephyrhills water, and X-rayed before being handed out. Any worms should be
housed, fed, read their rights, then returned to their native soil, or, if they
so choose, given refugee status in yours.
Certain traditional Halloween
games are not politically correct:
That icky old "autopsy" game in which
you blindfold little kids and tell them a plate of spaghetti is guts and a bowl
of peeled grapes is eyeballs will cost you your homeowners insurance because of
the choking hazard, and due to the risk of suits for emotional
damage.
Pin the tail on the donkey, with a real pin? Uh uh, cruelty to
animals, or their depiction, is a no-no.
Bobbing for apples is permitted,
as long as there's an equal (and not separate) opportunity to Jane for them,
too.
Jill-o'-lanterns are encouraged, after 2007 they will be
mandatory.
And, finally, costumes:
Ghosts are out of date. Casper
is clearly a dead, white male, probably European, and full of hot air to
boot.
Fairy princess costumes might offend both gays and
feminists.
Frankenstein monster costumes will offend transplant
recipients, not to mention employment-producing neck-bolt
manufacturers.
Dracula outfits will bring stern warning letters from the
Transylvanian consulate.
Those neat masks with jaws rotted away, eyes
bulging on distended optic stalks and massive, oozing wounds will get you in
trouble with lawyers who specialize in representing accident victims on
contingency bases. Which is to say, all of them.
Disney costumes. Sleepy
and Dopey will anger the vertically-impaired, Cinderella the adoption agencies,
and Aladdin the Arab-American lobby. Uncle Remus? You might as well wear your
robe and pointy hat. A cow person? Perhaps, but don't pack a gun. And don't even
think about punching a cow.
So there you are. The scariest thing about
Halloween these days is that you're not allowed to offend or scare anyone. And
if someone scares you, you can't scream. In some communities, any auditory
emissions over 75 decibels is a zoning violation punishable by a fine and/or
jail term. Whether you can react instead with a sullen but non-denominational
moment of silence will be considered later this term by the Supreme Court. Until
then, do so at your own risk.
Happy Halloween!
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GREEK NEWS
BRUSSELS (AP) – Greek authorities are “systematically” endangering the lives of refugees trying to reach the European Union in boats, human rights groups said in a report issued yesterday.
The report by Pro Asyl and the European Council on Refugees and Exiles – an umbrella group of 76 non-governmental organizations – also denounced the EU’s asylum policy, saying its core objective is to keep out refugees rather than to protect them.
Greek coast guard vessels regularly engage in “life-threatening maneuvers” such as circling the rickety boats and creating large waves that could potentially swamp them, the report said.
Other tactics include pushing the boats out of Greek waters, or puncturing rubber dinghies so they cannot remain afloat, it said. “This appears to have become systematic in recent years,” said Marianna Tzeferakou from Amnesty International Greece. “But this is not only a national matter, it is a European matter because it’s a result of the EU putting pressure on the Greek government to seal off its borders.” Contacted by The Associated Press, the Greek Interior Ministry had no immediate comment on the report.
Greek authorities deny mistreating immigrants and say that most of the illegal entrants are not refugees but ordinary migrants from poor nations in the Middle East and South Asia seeking employment and a better life in the EU.
“EU nations wash their hands of the responsibility for refugees while humanitarian dramas unfold at the borders of Europe, illustrating the decreasing commitment of EU states to guarantee even basic human rights standards,” said Karl Kopp, member of Pro Asyl, a refugee rights group based in Frankfurt, Germany.
Most asylum seekers use Greece and other south European nations such as Malta, Spain and Portugal as transit points to other EU nations such as Germany, France and Sweden. But according to EU rules, the member state that is the refugee’s first point of entry to the EU is responsible for processing the claims. If they move on, the refugees will be deported back to the receiving country. The 27-nation bloc is due to finalize by 2010 a joint asylum system, which would alleviate the pressure on southern entry points by sharing out the refugees throughout the Union.
Greece has seen a surge in illegal immigration this year. Around 18,000 people have been detained in 2007, up sharply from the 8,000 caught during all of 2005. So far this year, 44 people have drowned and 54 are listed as missing.
The UN High Commissioner for Refugees, due to publish its own report on European asylum policies next week, has criticized Greek treatment of refugees. “We have very serious concerns about Greek practices,” said Madeline Garlick, a UNHCR spokeswoman in Brussels.
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A word from Jayne
Happy Halloween everyone!
I wish Halloween was celebrated here in Greece - but sadly ... it's not.
I know this is not very nice to say but unfortunately hubby's family wouldn't need any costumes/masks ... they definately give the Adams family a run for their money! My brother in law who is only 42 (but looks at least 60) has just finished having all his teeth pulled out! Obviously he had never cared for them and now he's toothless ... it's a great scare tactic to make my kids brush their teeth.
Talking of spooky - my sister's son who's nearly 3. Was being put to bed the other day when he asked my sister 'Who's that?' and pointed to the bed (her bed). Sis: 'Who?' Christos: 'that!' Sis looks and asks if it's a man or a woman. Christos started laughing ' A man! He's funny! I like him' My sis was well spooked then and when Christos said he'd gone she made a quick exit! The next morning Christos noticed a photo of his dead Greek grandfather and took it to sis .... 'That the man on your bed, mummy!' Scary or what!??? Nice to know grandad's there but on the marital bed ..... yikes!
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Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
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