6th Nov 2007
JAYNE MEE
Subscribe: gadzooks-...@googlegroups.com
Some of the pictures/cartoons may offend the easily offended....what are you doing subscribed to an adult list anyway????
I put a lot of time and hard work into
bringing Gadzooks to you daily!
Please show your appreciation by buying
something advertised on the newsletter. Show your thanks and get great items at
even greater
prices!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's Jokes
Man, I've downed four of these things so far
and I'm not even
buzzed. What the hell kinda booze do they even put in a
shrimp
cocktail?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern. Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor. The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Official Butt Crack Calendar aims to take the lowly crack to new heights via divinely inspired and downright hysterical photography. Give it as a gag or keep it for yourself, either way it'll leave you bent over with laughter, cracking miles of smiles.
Get your 2008 Butt Crack Calendar!
http://www.prankplace.com/buttcrack.htm?kbid=3067
Poor Hillary ....
'CNN
found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire
her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows
her husband to cheat and get away with it.' - Jay Leno
'Hillary
Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York.
When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the
one with only seven commandments.' -David
Letterman
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be
an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be
an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted
to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling
people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president
because she can't do anything else.'Jay Leno
'Well, the big story
is -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why
I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to
sleep in the president's bed.' -Jay Leno
'Top Democrats have
mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for
president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while
others hate it.'
-Conan
O'Brien
'Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank.' Jay Leno
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture, cutlery and a Senate seat for mine.' -Jay Leno
'Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners can vote for her in 2008.'
Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.'
- Craig Kilborn
'Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family.' - David Letterman
'Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same.' -Jay Leno
'Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, is a promise broken. And then, out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.' - Craig Kilborn
And finally, we've saved the best til last!
In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts.' - Jay Leno
12-Step Internet Recovery
Program
1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my
newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2. I will eat breakfast
with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3. I will get dressed
before noon.
4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes,
and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5. I will sit down
and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are
Internet-deprived.
6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot
contact via the Internet.
7. I will read a book... if I still remember
how.
8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling
them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9. I
will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10. I will
try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or
not.
11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to
balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12. Last,
but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the
Internet will always be there tomorrow!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A man from Bangladesh named
Abdul was bragging that in his
country there are 79 different ways to make
mad passionate
love.
A gent from Florida listened incredulously. "Why
that's
amazing. Where I come from there's only one way."
"Just one?"
Abdul asked. "And which way is that?"
"Well," the Florida gent began,
"there's a man and there's a
woman--"
"Praise Allah!!" exclaims Abdul,
"Number 80!"
Thanks Wuppert
________________________________________________________________
After all of those cookies, Santa has to make a pitstop somewhere! Santa's Outhouse is a finely detailed, sculpted outhouse featuring lots of phrases to keep you laughing all through the holidays. Press the button and you will hear Santa fart and say one of many hilarious phrases. Santa's Outhouse also shakes and turns on festive christmas lights as Santa passes gas! A perfect holiday gag gift for those hard to shop for people in our life or the office Secret Santa exchange. 8" inches tall! 3 AA batteries included.
Funny phrases, lights, shaking, and farts all at once!
http://www.prankplace.com/santasouthouse.htm?kbid-3067
===================================================================
1. Which student seems to appear tired/sleepy?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's link
http://ourlighterside.com/stuff/screwyou/
Jerry
Seinfeld gets annoyed with larry king
(video)
http://www.funlol.com/funpages/jerry-seinfeld-gets-annoyed-with-larry-king.html
<a
href="http://www.funlol.com/funpages/jerry-seinfeld-gets-annoyed-with-larry-king.html">Click here!</a>
Thanks George
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's jewels!
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
Sterling silver CZ ring
ONLY
$16.99 available in sizes 6 7 8
Free shipping
jayn...@yahoo.com?subject=ring.16.99.DSR21172
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
History of the Vibrator
Back in the 19th century female
sexual arousal didn’t have a name, it had a diagnosis, Hysteria. Fortunately,
this recurring alignment could be cured with “hysterical paroxysm” (aka orgasm).
The use of vaginal massage as a therapy for “hysterical” patients dates back to
Hippocrates.
Back in the 19th century female sexual arousal didn’t
have a name, it had a diagnosis, Hysteria. Fortunately, this recurring alignment
could be cured with “hysterical paroxysm” (aka orgasm). The use of vaginal
massage as a therapy for “hysterical” patients dates back to Hippocrates.
The
treatment was not generally regarded as sexual but doing it by hand was tiring,
although lucrative, work for the medical professional. Not surprisingly, the
invention of stream-driven vibrating machines was welcomed by all but they were
expensive and not easily portable.
The vibrator was first patented as a
medical device by Joseph Mortimer Granville, a British doctor, in 1883. The
electromechanical version of the vibrator was designed to relieve Hysteria but
it too was large and not easily portable.
The huge potential market for
hand-held vibrators was recognised by entrepreneurs with Hamilton Beach of
Racine, patenting their first hand held vibrator in 1902. The vibrator was the
fifth electrical home appliance available, after the sewing machine but well
before the electric iron and vacuum cleaner. Vibrator innovation was even a
driving force behind the creation of the small electric motor.
In the early
1900’s women could use mail order to buy vibrating massagers from advertisements
in publications such as Needlecraft, Modern Priscilla and Women’s Home
Companion. One Vibrator advertisement, from 1910 stated, “The secret of the ages
has been discovered in Vibration. Great scientists tell us that we owe not only
our health but even our life strength to this wonderful force. Vibration
promotes life and vigour, strength and beauty. … Vibrate Your Body and Make It
Well. YOU Have No Right to Be Sick.”.
These days an enormous range of
vibrators can be purchased using the Internet. Broad categories would
include;
Rabbit Vibrators
From Dolphins to Rabbits with shiny little
pearls all rabbit vibrators have a clitoral stimulator for clitoral stimulation.
As seen in Sex And The City, the rabbit vibrator is the sex toy no girl should
be without! A girl’s best friends and the UK’s best selling sex toy.
G Spot
Vibrators
The G-Spot does exist and there’s no mystery about it. It’s simply
an area of increased sensitivity that many women like to have stimulated. Named
after Ernst Grafenberg, a German doctor who wrote about “an erotic zone located
on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra that would
swell during sexual stimulation”. G Spot Vibrators have curved ends or middle
bits just in the right spot to provide the added pleasure many women
enjoy.
Remote Control Vibrators
Remote controlled vibrators can be lots of
fun! Once properly inserted or secured your partner will get great enjoyment in
watching you squirm when the remote is activated. Nothing leads to a more
impassioned night of lovemaking than playing with remote-controlled toys while
having dinner at a nice restaurant. Matron warns, “Don’t think you’ll get away
with your little game in a quiet lecture hall or art museum. Stick to places
with a light cover of sound, and only use remote-control toys at events from
which you can easily escape!”.
Dildos
Dildos are for penetration, they
don’t vibrate, move, or talk, they just fit well in the hand and in whatever
orifice you choose to use. Vibrators vibrate; dildos fill space, whether it be
vaginal or anal. While lots of people enjoy the stimuli vibrators produce, many
others enjoy the feeling of fullness a dildo provides, as well as the level of
thrusting control they can experience with this stationary device.
Realistic
Vibrators
Realistic vibrators look just like the real thing with veins,
testicles and some even squirt on command.
Jelly Vibrators
Soft, supple
and durable, Jelly rubber is a great material for sex toys. Jelly toys can also
be very colourful, coming in pink, black, blue, red, orange and
purple.
Jackrabbit
Two pronged for stimulation of both the vagina and the
clitoris.
Discreet vibrators
Vibrators discreetly shaped as every-day
objects, such as lipstick tubes, cell phones, or art pieces.
Thanks HH
Learn more and Buy yours here!
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/products/vibrators.html?a=gadz
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Jayne's Useless Gif
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Will be adding new children's clothes today .... need Christmas presents?
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
I'm selling Zoe and Natalia's dresses that no longer fit them... see link below
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/Asimenia-Sterling-Silver
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
GREEK NEWS
One of the biggest problems plaguing Greek society is a failure to implement the law. The government recently made public its decision to clamp down on the illegal fuel trade. That’s all good. But it means little until the authorities finally manage to arrest the owner of some fuel-tampering factory or a big fuel smuggler.
If the government campaign is reduced to arresting a gas station owner or a tanker truck driver, it will be very hard to avoid charges of hypocrisy. If you can’t enforce a law, it’s better not to introduce it at all. Greeks will only truly respect the law when the state enforces the law for everyone, without exceptions – that is, when the big businessman who has failed to pay his IKA contributions receives the same fine as the average person; when a politician sees his illegal property knocked down; when the Markopoulo quarries are shut down. The citizen will respect the state only when the state has proved to respect itself and everyone else.
*************************************************************************************
Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
*************************************************************************************
Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
Want to UNSUBSCRIBE? - Please do
not ask me to do it - this is an opt in list.... you subscribed, you are the one
that must unsubscribe yourself.
It's easy - send a blank email to:
gadzooks-u...@googlegroups.com
