20 Aug 2008
JAYNE MEE
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Today's Jokes
Scottish?
Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer
belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae
stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Stert workin'
like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye
blawin' a' ower the place
Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae
hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin'
air
Shify yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it disnae reek
But
aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets
aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almichty it fairly
reeks
Hope a huvnae s**t ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit
the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or twa are
nearly bokin
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! A shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled
ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur
me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty
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Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!
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Eminem's tour of Ireland is to go ahead
despite concerns over a sickening attitude to women, appallingly obscene
language, an irresponsible attitude to sex and violence, and, of course, the
booze.
Eminem said that, despite these shocking traits, he would wait and
"judge the Irish for himself."
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Today's Quote for the Day comes from Bono of U2, explaining why he would never want to run for the presidency of the United States:
"I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house."
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What’s the difference between a woman
and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.
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What do you call a man with no arms or
legs, playing the piano?
Clever Dick.
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Why does the pope wear trunks in the bath?
He
doesn’t like to look down on the unemployed.
Did you hear about the gay magician?
He vanished
with a poof.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a
warehouse.
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Today's jewels!
Unusual multi stone sterling silver ring
Available in sizes 6 7
ONLY
$24.95
FREE shipping
jayn...@yahoo.com?subject=ring.24.99.DRR1663
or send an email to jayn...@yahoo.com subject line : Ring 24.99 DRR1663
Please state the size required
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When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
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http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
Children's clothes - sent Worldwide!
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Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
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A word from Jayne:
Didn't anyone tell the Spanish basketball team .... this may be a bit insulting?
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to refer to someone who may deservedly have earned such
a title.
However, it should be noted that real "dickheads" do exist
in the wild, and may be spending some time this summer
at a community swimming pool in your area.
Be alert and exercise necessary caution
Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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