Gadzooks 8th Aug 2008
JAYNE MEE
Unsubscribe: gadzooks-u...@googlegroups.com
WELCOME TO FUN!
Some of the
pictures/cartoons may offend the easily offended....what are you doing
subscribed to an adult list anyway????
I put a lot of time and hard work into
bringing Gadzooks to you!
Please show your appreciation by buying something
advertised on the newsletter. Show your thanks and get great items at even
greater prices!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's Jokes
A carpenter gets called to do some work
at the local house of ill
Repute. The madam of the house explains that she
wants him to build a
Partition to divide one of the larger rooms into two
smaller rooms.
The carpenter spends all day building the partition and when
he's done
He gives the madam a bill for $300.The madam smiles and says,
"We usually pay all our bills around her in trade."
"Sorry ma'am" replies
the carpenter, "it's $300 cash or this partition
Comes out" "But you can
have some fun with any girl here,"
"Sorry ma'am," replies the carpenter, 'it's $300 cash or this partition
Comes out""But my girls can fulfill your every desire. Choose
The madam smiles seductively, "Why yes of course"
Once she is naked on the bed the carpenter slowly and gently inserts his
Thumb deep into her 'front opening' She sighs and moans with pleasure.
Then the carpenter carefully inserts his middle finger deep into her
'rear opening'The madam is writhing in ecstasy
Then the carpenter suddenly clamps his thumb and finger together and
says, "Like I was saying, it's $300 cash or this partition comes out
Snow White was desperate for a fuck
She went to the
woods to try her luck.
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw
some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
and went in for a
poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her
pants,
When seven dwarfs came marching in,
with a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
and thought she was in
heaven,
originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny needs a lick!"
And
when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"
So down he went onto all fours,
and said "I ain't licking that",
"Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The
next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said
"Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a fucking queer"
So reluctantly he
whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big
"Heigh-Ho".
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
and due to his impatience,
He couldn't
raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was
told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.
The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him
SNEEZY.
With three dwarfs left she turned and said,
"You're next, I
want your knob!"
But no sooner than he had entered her,
And he was
sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY bastard"
She wanted more
from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
that he filled her hairy
quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
and shagged her fanny raw,
a dazed Snow White them whimpered.
"That should be against the law."
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No
wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big prick"
With one
dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to
use your tongue,
My twat can't take no more!"
And so he put his
tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And 'cos he made
Snow White feel better,
She named the last dwarf DOC.
Now Snow White
couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a
cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth
about the dwarfs,
and how they got their names,
by satisfying Miss Snow
White,
and joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to
know,
And that's - What happened to that cup,
Well think of what you're
drinking,
when you next buy 7-Up
=======================================================
Click the pics!
Humping Dog - click to see video
One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying
along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When
she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked
why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in
all their frog games. Boo hoo."
"Don't cry, little one.", replied the
witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now,
the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still
yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there
were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix
things up for him.
So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped
along his merry way.
Feeling quick happy about herself, the witch once
more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of
a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink
elephant. The witch asked him why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the
other elephants will let me join in all their elephant games. Boo
hoo."
Now if you have ever seen an elephant cry, you know it to be a
pathetic looking sight, but a PINK elephant crying is just downright
heart-breaking, and that is just how the witch felt. So once again, she waved
her magic wand, and *POOF*, the elephant was all grey.
All happy now, the
elephant was checking himself all over when he noticed that his penis was still
pink. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were
some things that she just couldn't do, but if saw the wizard, he would fix
things up for him.
At this point, the elephant just started wailing. "I
don't know where the wizard is", he sobbed.
"Oh that's easy. Just follow
the yellow pricked toad", said the good witch.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Heavenly Father,
I think
you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I haven't gossiped,
lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or
overindulgent. Praise Your Name! I'm grateful for Your grace...
But Lord,
a few minutes from now, I'm getting out of bed... From then on I'm going to need
a lot MORE of Your help!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A truck driver hauling a tractor trailer
filled with computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big
sign on the door reading, "Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter at Your Own Risk."
He enters the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs
him, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living. The
truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he
is hauling. The bartender says okay, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him
a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape
around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils,
and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls
out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver asks him why he
did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the
Silicon Valley, and now they are in season.
"You don't even need a
license," he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in
his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an
accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out
all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up
the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the
nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load.
Remembering what had happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts
blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol
officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver says, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in
season."
"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "but you can't bait
'em."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's jewels!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
Children's clothes - sent Worldwide!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I may or may not have checked the links - please open at your own discretion!
Australian Oscar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lIZM3biNzM
Automatic Confession
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DUTD64mJlw
Thanks George
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A word from Jayne:
It's been such a long time since I last wrote Gadzooks! Thanks for everyone's continued support and kindness - I still love receiving emails from readers of Gadzooks that joined wayyyy back in 2001.
We're getting older - as I get older I seem to be doing sillier things ... like staying up till 2am at a Greek singer's concert last night. I took the girls (and hubby) to see Helena Paparizou - she won Eurovision Song contest a few years back - excellent value - 2hr 30 mins of Helena for just 20 euro or 10 for kids - hoever since I have to get up at 6.30 .... I am sure paying for it and will no doubt be doing so for the rest of the day. I have promised to take the kids to see Russian Ballet tonight ... it's free .... need there be any other reason?
Here's a pc on the kids and me - as people have been asking about us and how the kids look ... we were in Lefkada a few weeks ago - enjoying the sunset!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
Want
to UNSUBSCRIBE? - Please do not ask me to do it - this is an opt
in list.... you subscribed, you are the one that must unsubscribe yourself.
It's easy - send a blank email to: gadzooks-u...@googlegroups.com
and finally
Sitting in
my house, and I know that I'm alone,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my
bone
Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stone
Hey
Masturbata!
I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nice,
Once
ain't enough so I have to do it twice
If you wanna spank the monkey I can
give you good advice
Hey Masturbata!
I use some baby oil or a little
Vaseline,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet clean
Never shake my
hand cause you don't know where its been
Hey Masturbata!
I do it in
the car when I'm driving down the street,
One hand on the wheel and the other
on my meat
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seat
Hey
Masturbata!
Since I was a kid I have been a masturbater,
Choke the
chicken; hum the knob, squeezing the tomato
I've looked at Ms. November now
I'm gonna decorate her
Hey, Masturbata!
Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard
shaking bacon,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm
makin'.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achin'.
Hey,
Masturbata!
