Sept 17th 2007
JAYNE MEE
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Today's Jokes
A rabbi and a priest walk into air port, and wanted to get some tickets to go to Pittsburgh for a church event. So while the priest waited on a bench the rabbi went to go and get the tickets. when he walked up to the counter, the woman waiting at the counter happened to have huge jugs. the rabbi started to get very nervous and when the woman said “can i help you sir?” he couldn't say anything. finally he said “c-c-could i-i-i g-get two pickets to Tittsburgh???” after he realized what he said he felt horrible, so when he went back, the priest asked where the tickets were. after telling the priest what had happened and how horrible he felt the priest said “it’s ok, everyone gets nervous sometimes, just sit here on this bench and i will get the tickets.” so then the priest went up he asked the woman very calmly “could i please get two tickets to Pittsburgh?” after getting his tickets she said “that will be 47 dollars sir” so the priest gave her a fifty dollar bill. after this he said “oh, could you please give me my change in nipples and dimes?”
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A woman approaches her priest and tells him:
"Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know
how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquires.
"They
only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims. "But I have a solution to your
problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with
my two male parrots, whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots
will teach you parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female
parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman exclaims.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His
two male parrots are holding beads and praying.
When the lady puts her two
female parrots in the cage with the two male parrots, her two say: "Hi! We're
prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"
At which one male parrot looks at the
other and shouts: "Put the beads away! Our prayers have been
answered!"
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Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded
from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall
performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled
many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,
but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. and now
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can
I do?
Desperate
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Dear
Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package,while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I
THOUGH! T YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.If all works
as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very
bad program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files. Whatever you do, DO NOT
install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are
not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband
1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve
memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech! Support
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Need a good insult but at a loss for words? No worries. Just press this big, red button and it'll light up and spew out a put down. Keep it handy because where you work, you never know when someone will say something stupid!
Click pic!
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Evil joke
A mother was sitting on
the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said,
"Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were
born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked,
"Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a
rose fell on your head." The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS
YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet,
Fridge
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What do you call a buncha women hanging
around prostitutes?
Support hose!
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Today's link
WE BUILT THIS CITY
on small wooden
sticks.
http://static.iftk.com.br/mt/2007/09/city_of_toothpicks_21_pics.html
OK, HOW ABOUT SOME SCISSOR ART?
http://bertc.com/subfour/ss/singleSheet.htm
EVE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN INSTINCTUALLY
not to eat that
apple.
http://www.jonco48.com/blog/bite_of_apple.jpg
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
brushing teeth would be so
catchy? (PG-13)
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/741902/brushing_teeth_in_undies/
Thanks George
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Today's jewels!
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
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http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
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Jayne's Useless Gif
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LINKS
Adult Jokes
http://www.jokeworm.com/jokes2
Hunks
http://www.jokeworm.com/newhunks/
Babes
http://www.jokeworm.com/newbabes/
Adult Funny Pics
http://www.jokeworm.com/newpics/
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GREEK NEWS
Police are examining 30 incendiary devices, including one found in Ancient Olympia, which may have caused some of the recent wildfires around the country, sources told Kathimerini yesterday.
The device found in Ancient Olympia, which was ravaged by fire last month, consisted of 15 flares. Sources said four of the flares had not been damaged by the fire and could provide vital clues. The fire service has not been able to establish whether the fire that threatened the museum and stadium at Ancient Olympia started from the point where the flares were found.
Preliminary estimates by the fire service indicate that there has been a 30 percent rise in cases of arson this summer. Initial findings suggest that 14 of the 137 fires recorded in the Peloponnese between August 23 and 31 were caused by arson. The fire service, however, is unwilling to repeat the government’s assertion that there was an “organized plan” behind the fires, sources added.
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Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
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Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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