25th Oct 2007
JAYNE MEE
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Some of the pictures/cartoons may offend the easily offended....what are you doing subscribed to an adult list anyway????
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Today's Jokes
Tim and Nancy lived in Anchorage,
Alaska. Their house was
literally right downtown, but they had no
indoor plumbing. They
did, however, have an outhouse. The older Tim got,
though, the
further away it seemed to get.
One night, he decided to
just skip the trip. Instead, he decided
to just relieve himself right there
off the front porch.
Nancy was pretty pissed about his decision. "Tim,
you moron. Our
neighbors can see you when you do that, you
know."
"It's dark out," said Tim, "they can't see me."
"Of course
they can," explained Nancy, "you're silhouetted
against the porch light and
they can tell what you're doing."
He'd not given it THAT much thought, so
he promised his wife he'd
not do it again.
Not too many nights later,
though, it turned bitterly cold. Right
in the middle of the night he had to
piss like a racehorse. He
got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the
bedroom to do
his business.
He was back in two shakes (so to speak).
His wife, suspicious as
wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very
long."
"That's right."
"You went off the porch again, didn't
you?"
"Yes, I did."
"We had a talk about this, remember? The
neighbors can see you.
They'll know it was you and what you were doing out
there. Aren't
you the least bit embarrassed?"
"Nah, they won't know
it's me! This time I squatted down!"
Thanks J
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Q: How do Greeks separate the men from the
boys?
A: With a crowbar.
and how to spot a Greek on the beach ......
Thanks HH - A Greek lady!
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(UK version of Blonde jokes)
Q: Whats the difference between a Walrus and
an Essex Girl?
A: One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish-the other is
a walrus.
Q: What does an Essex Girl say after having sex?
A: What
team do you guys play for!
Q: How does an Essex Girl turn the light out
after sex?
A: Shuts the car door.
Q: Whats the difference between an
Essex Girl and an ironing board?
A: Occasionally you have trouble getting the
legs apart on an ironing board.
Q: Whats the difference between and Essex
Girl and the Titanic?
A: You know how many men went down on the
Titanic.
Q: Why do Essex Girls have tampons with long stings?
A: So
the crabs can go bungy jumping...
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A guy is driving around Ireland and he sees a
sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and
the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden. The guy goes into the garden
and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab
looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty
young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI6 about my gift, and in no
time, at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I
was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running but the jetting
around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided
to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a
batch of medals. I got married, had a
mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed! He goes
back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten pounds," the
Paddy says.
"Ten ponds? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a fucking liar.... He never did any
of that shit!!!"
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Only $7.89 + shipping!
A father
asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the
bees.
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears.
"Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked
what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's
no Easter Bunny' speech.
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Hee Hee
Two rats in a sewer - been eating shit all
day.
The one rat says to the other rat "I'm sick of eating shit all day"
"Cheer up" says the other rat "We're on the piss tonight
!"
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$17.89 + shipping!
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Don't blame me for this ......
Sing a song of bum sex
A rectum full of
cum
Four & twenty fat cocks
Forced up your bum
When the
orgy's over
And your bum begins to sting
Wasn't it a bad idea
To
take it up the ring
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Today's link
http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf
^Thanks HH
http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/piggy.swf
Thanks Richard - takes a while to load
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Thanks J - I know this has been going round the net for a long time now ... but isn't it true!!!!????
READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes Af ter running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer! S, no Internet or chat rooms.......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Tho se who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us...pass this ON
Today's jewels!
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
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http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
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Jayne's Useless Gif
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LINKS
Adult Jokes
http://www.jokeworm.com/jokes2
Hunks
http://www.jokeworm.com/newhunks/
Babes
http://www.jokeworm.com/newbabes/
Adult Funny Pics
http://www.jokeworm.com/newpics/
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GREEK NEWS
Prime Minister Costas Karamanlis on Saturday sent a stern message to the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (FYROM) to cooperate with Greece in solving a dispute about the country’s official name ahead of today’s scheduled proposal for a compromise by a United Nations envoy.
“Persistent intransigence and stances that ignore historical fact do not help build good neighborly relations,” Karamanlis said in a speech before ruling New Democracy’s central committee. “It is decision time,” he added.
His comments came ahead of a proposal, to be made public at 4 p.m. today, by UN mediator Matthew Nimetz, who has been entrusted with mediating in the name dispute. According to a report in yesterday’s Ethnos newspaper, Nimetz will herald a new – and final – round of talks on the issue on the ambassadorial level, due to begin on November 1. It was unclear what might be proposed by Nimetz, who in April 2005 suggested the composite name Republika Makedonja-Skopje, which was accepted by Athens but rejected by Skopje.
According to the results of a survey published in Ethnos yesterday, 58.3 percent of Greeks believe Greece should veto FYROM’s bid to join NATO if it insists on using the name “Republic of Macedonia.”
In a related development on Saturday, a 150-member FYROM sports team walked out of a youth athletics competition in northern Greece after objecting to being introduced as coming from FYROM.
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A word from Jayne
Been to UK - We had a great time in Centreparc - Sherwood forest, Nottingham .... highly recommended for families. However on returning to my hometown Ilkeston (which has always been quite rough - hence I'm comfortable sending out rude newsletters) It has gotten even rougher! I have never seen so much spit on the ground!!! It's like the whole place has become one spittoon! Of course my mum blamed the 'refugees' - highly doubtful - more like the locals. Loads of young kids hanging around with nothing to do. We couldn't take the kids anywhere as kids are banned in most places in UK after 7pm! However dogs are allowed at all times! Incredible. Hubby says it's the very last time he visits UK, especially Ilkeston! Actually I don't blame him - Of course I have to go again as family's there - but to hear him complaining - better he stays here! I am so glad I made the move to Greece 20 yrs ago - I have fond memories of my childhood but the place has certainly gone down hill .... please note I am referring to my town and not the whole of UK.
What a shame! Ilkeston has the scenery to be a beautiful town albeit an ex-pit town.
for centreparc
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Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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