Gadzooks - 10th Sept 2008
Jayne Mee
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WELCOME TO FUN!
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anyway????
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Today's Jokes
Dear Sir,
I
have just received the Aids leaflet through my door and would like to apply
straight away for Aids. I have been on the dole for the past 10 years and have
been living on Supplementary Benefit and every other State aid I could
get.
It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It's a pity this Aids has
come so late, as I already have 15 children, and wondered if you will be paying
back payments?
Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chance I
have of getting Aids. My only problems here is persuading the wife, who is not
too keen after 15 kids. Several years ago, I bought some sex aids, but she
showed little interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a
refund for the $17.28 paid out for these gadgets?
Anyway I will now explain
to her that the Government will be paying us for all the sex we have, and I'm
sure she'll agree that we cannot let a chance like this slip by. You also state
that I can pass on my Aids, but as you will understand with a wife and 15 kids
to feed, there won't be much left to pass on. If, by any chance, there is a bit
left, though, I will pass it on to my poor old mother-in-law who only has her
pension.
I understand from your leaflet that I can get Aids through a blood
transfusion, and I intend to write to my local hospital straight away to see
when I can have one. Will the Aids I get from the hospital be deducted from the
Aids I get from you? Perhaps you will write and let me know?
I am a firm
believer in getting every Aid I can from the country, and I'm sure you'll agree
that by my past performance, I do qualify for this one. Could you let me know
how much I will get paid each time, and will it be weekly or monthly
payments?
Yours faithfully,
Seamus O'Toole
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Don't leave that Halloween costume till the last minute!
Think about buying one now ..... you could be a chick magnet (for once in your sad life)
or maybe you see yourself as a bit of a 'doll'?
Don't waste time as many costumes are already 'sold out'!
How many
divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
None! They NEVER get
the house!
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I learnt to
swim at a very early age. When I was three my parents used to row me out to sea
in a little boat until they got about a mile or so away from the shore - then I
had to swim back.
I quite liked the swim - it was getting out of the sack
that was difficult.
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One day my
mother went out and left my dad in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and
had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little tea
set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys.
Daddy was in the
living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of
'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of
praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home.
My Dad made her wait in the
living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because 'it was just the cutest
thing!'
My Mum waited and sure enough, I came down the hall with a cup
of tea for Daddy. She watched him drink it up.
Then she said, as only a
mother could:
'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to
get water is the toilet?'
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Too shy to wear Halloween costumes? Then use your babies! They can sue you later in life (until then...... enjoy it!)
My husband complained that our sex life was stale and needed spicing up....apparently cutting up chillis and rubbing it on his genitals wasn't what he had in mind.
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Today's jewels!
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http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
Children's clothes - sent Worldwide!
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Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
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Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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and finally
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!"
The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"
