25th Feb 2008
Jayne Mee
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Today's Jokes
There were Five country churches
in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the
Methodist Church and the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue. Each place of
worship was overrun with pesky squirrels .
One day, the Presbyterian
Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much
prayer and consideration they Determined that the squirrels were predestined to
be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will..
In the
Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The
deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels
in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next
week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in
a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the
Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the
squirrels were back.
But the Catholic Church came up with the best and
most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as
members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and
Easter.
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one
squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't
seen a squirrel on the property since.
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Why are men so bad at sex and
driving?
Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who
else might be coming.
A Welsh Farmer walks into his house with a sheep
tucked under his arm.
He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his
wife lying in bed, reading 'PlayGirl' and wearing her sexiest undies.
"Darling," he says, "This is the ugly, fat pig I
have to screw when you're not around."
"You idiot," the wife says, "That's
not a pig. That's a sheep."
"Shut up," replied the Farmer. "I wasn't talking to you."
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There were three ladies from Birmingham,
And
this is the story concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock,
And tickled the
cock,
of the Bishop who was confirming 'em.
But the Bishop himself
was no fool.
He had been to a large public school.
So he shifted his
britches,
And buggered the bitches
With his ten-inch Episcopal
tool.
Now the youngest young lady, named Lou,
Said as his Lordship
withdrew,
The Vicar is quicker,
Stronger and thicker,
And two inches
longer than you!
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A visitor from Buffalo was strolling along the
California surf one morning. During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing pole
clutched in his hands, sound asleep against the side of a huge coastal rock.
Just then the pole began to jerk violently. "Hey, there!" cried the
visitor as he roused the fisherman. "Look out there! You have a bite." "So I
do," yawned the drowsy one glancing out at the water.
"If you don't
mind, will you pull in the line for me?" The visitor, somewhat surprised, did as
he was requested. "Now, mister," continued the fisherman, "put some fresh bait
on the hook and cast the line out for me." Again the visitor complied.
After doing so he turned to the lazy angler. "You know," he declared,
"anyone as lazy as you ought to get married and have a son to do these things
for him." "That's a
good idea," beamed the fisherman. "Know where I could
find a pregnant woman?"
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I've been standing in a graveyard for three hours, the gravedigger keeps walking past me carrying the same coffin. I think he's lost the plot.
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Roland, a multi-talented man with a variety of
interests, had just completed one hell of a busy day.
First he drove 25
miles to a university campus to perform a Beethoven piano sonata, then shared
his opinion at the local city council meeting, then practiced shooting his 9-mm
Glock at the gun range, then finished his weekly newspaper column, and topped
things off with a terrific sexual encounter with a gorgeous, seductive woman
he'd met just the day before.
What's the best way to describe the
jam-packed day Roland experienced?
He drove a piece, played a piece, said
his piece, fired his piece, wrote his piece, and got a piece.
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Two cows are standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I
don't believe you,” says Dolly.
“It's true, no bull!” exclaims
Daisy.
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Each Link is Finished with a Combination of Brushed Satin and High Polish. The Links are Cam and Pin Connected For A Comfort Fit and the Bracelet Closes with a Fold Over Locking Clasp. Crafted of Pure Titanium. The links are smooth and curved for a comfortable feel on the wrist, and the bracelet is surprisingly lightweight. It has a length of 8.5 inches and fastens with a bracelet clasp for a seamless look
Chain letter
At last, a decent chain letter as
opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes. This one costs nothing, and you
can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates who are just as virile
as you.
INSTRUCTIONS
Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put
her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes) and send it to the
person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the
list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among
those women, will be at least: 0.5% miss worlds, 2.5% models plus 463 wild
nymphos, 3,234 good-looking nymphos, 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms and
40,198 bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier,
less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of
all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back
to you.
DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER
One bloke for example
who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird
back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old
migraine attack and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day,
the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old
girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the
chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place
above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from
exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.
YOU MUST BELIEVE
THIS E-MAIL
This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally
satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about
trivialities(that only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No
obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage
or engagement. Do not hesitate........send this letter today to 9 of your best
friends.
PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum
cleaner.
PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so
that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon
undertake.
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A guy picked this woman up in a nightclub and took
her home. While they were walking home he didn't say a thing. "You're not the
communicative type, are you?" she said as they were undressing.
"Nah," he
replied and pulled out his old fella. "I do all my talking with
this."
"DAMN," said the girl as she leaned forward to look. "You don't have
much to say, do you?"
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There is hot sex, fast sex, oral sex, safe sex, leather sex, phone sex, group sex and for people with a face like yours, there is masturbation.
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Today's link
http://hall4bc04.org/1977_2007.htm
Thanks George
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You try to do a few pushups and discover
Your children look through your wedding album
You get winded just saying the words "six-kilometer run."
You come to the conclusion that,
You analyze your body honestly and
first is your sense of humor.
You step on a talking scale and it says,
To you, "Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka dot Bikini" and
You accept the fact that you can fool
Today's jewels!
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
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http://stores.ebay.co.uk/bee-bop-kids-clothes
http://stores.ebay.co.uk/Asimenia-Sterling-Silver
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Jayne's Useless Gif
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Sex Toy Warehouse
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/warning.html?a=gadz
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Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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