Happy Thanksgiving
Jayne Mee
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Today's Jokes
The professional American football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end.
Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're superb. Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.'
'Forget the bonus,' replied the turkey, 'What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?'
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1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing
machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
2. IN A
LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs
3. IN AN OFFICE: Would
the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further
steps will be taken.
4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff
should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
5.
ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This
door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)
6.
OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines
etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
7.
QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By
order of the District Council.
8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW:
Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed
of.
9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.
10.
SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car.
11. SEEN
DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a
day care on the first floor.
12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows
walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
13. MESSAGE ON
A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get
lessons.
14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock
hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)
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(This one is worth passing on.)
This one is for everyone who .
a) has kids, B) had kids,
old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a
devastated look on her face.
Done this with Natalia - but it was a dead fly not a booger (boogey for brits)
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Top Ten Proposed Closing
Arguments
From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are the
top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of United States v. William J.
Clinton:
10. If the dress ain't a mess, he don't need to
confess
9. The economy's great, let the white boy skate
8. If the
bitch didn't spit, you must acquit
7. If she is not spread eagle, then it
isn't illegal
6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than
Gore
5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses
4.
He cheats on his wife, but it's his personal life
3. Bill can't tell the
troof till he sees Ken Starr's proof
2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky's
just easy
And the number one closing argument by Johnny
Cochrane:
1. If the sex is just oral, it's not really immoral
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"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"
"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!"
"And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"
"And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Mexican'!
Today's jewels!
Great offers on every newsletter - don't miss out!
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Jayne's Useless Gif
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LINKS
GREEK NEWS
By D. Rigopoulos
Should you happen to walk through Syntagma Square in the heart of the capital these days, you will probably notice workers laying a new sidewalk next to Ermou Street and in front of the McDonald’s entrance. Meanwhile, work is under way to widen the sidewalk along Karageorgiou Servias St to prevent the unauthorized use of public space by vehicles.
Great news for Athens then. The city will soon rid itself of its filthiest sidewalk. But the real news lies elsewhere: The initiative to revamp the small but crucial Athens hub comes from the firm that is currently restoring the Pallis Mansion to launch a megastore selling books, music, DVDs and electronic products. So, the initiative comes from neither the Athens Municipality nor the Public Works Ministry but from a chain store that does not want to make its customers walk through an unpleasant public space that feels more like a public toilet than the heart of a modern city. Moreover, the same company is funding the construction of the new pavement. It has also convinced the owners of the other two shops to put some money into the project too. This is why the works are limited to the west end of the square. On the left of Ermou, life goes on pretty much as before. The sidewalk at this end is not that filthy and, of course, no business is expected to open in the building that houses the National Economy Ministry. Too bad for the people there, as they will have to wait for the municipality to do something about the situation. Sure, the businessmen could have left things in the hands of the municipality, thus avoiding the financial burden, but they would have to be patient, and in the free market, foot-dragging is a poor adviser. It’s not the first time that a private company has done the state’s job for it because the public space surrounding a business or store is a mess. On Voukourestiou St near Syntagma, a strong banking group took a similar initiative, putting its hand deep into its pocket for something even more expensive: turning the street connecting Stadiou and Panepistimiou into a pedestrian zone. The job was done – and it was done well – and the state did not pay a single cent.
Both are striking examples. The state does not care about public space. That’s because the state is run by people who are not interested in public space and the result can be seen every day in the city’s streets and squares. As for private firms, they love public space when they have something to gain from it – directly or indirectly. That is not necessarily a bad thing. The state, seeing that there are people out there who are ready to put their hand in their pocket even for their own good, could exploit this for its own benefit. For example, it was major firms that sponsored the program for revamping building facades in central locations during the Athens Olympic Games. Why should such initiatives come with an expiry date
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A word from Jayne
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Today's pictures and cartoons!
Have a great day!
Gadzooks!
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