Fairly Universal Nonsense for September 13, 2007

[J NA]

How come we choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America?
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A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is
probably interested in her, which is why he hangs
around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend.

This always starts out with, "You're a great guy, but I
don't like you in that way."

This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to
a job interview and the company saying, "You have a
great resume, you have all the qualifications we are
looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will,
however, use your resume as the basis for comparison
for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire
somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an
alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire
somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will
never hire you. But we will call you from time to time
to complain about the person that we hired."
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I went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for
beetles?" I asked the clerk. "No," he replied. "It'll kill
'em."
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function,
and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which
the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me,
Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency
in somebody who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person
hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'"

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

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