Fairly Universal Nonsense for November 09, 2008
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J NA
Nov 9, 2008, 11:25:52 PM11/9/08
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Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get
worse every year.
---------------------------------------------
Can you guess which of the following are True or False?
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every
10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being
indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your
heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every
minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until
they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting
in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time
of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is
to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer
and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State
anthem.
21. Most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same
airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a
tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords
cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein
transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were
7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
All of the above are supposedly true.
-----------------------------------------------------
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
---------------------------------------------------------
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the
moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person
which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey," died
peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in ...
... and then the trouble started.
--
You are reading Fairly Universal Nonsense: The biggest and best (humble too) joke newsletter on all the Internet (no lie Ive looked around) If you like it then forward it to a friend and tell them to sign up. If you are that friend sign up at: http://fairlyuniversalnonsense.googlepages.com/home
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, praises, snide remarks, or anything else you can think of, then I would appreciate it if you would email them to me at jess...@gmail.com. Yes, there is a jessebg1 but you wont get a response. Sometimes it seems that I am sending these jokes to nobody so it would be nice to get some feedback as to how I am doing. Yes, I would even like your complaints and snide remarks.
Feel free to send this Newsletter to your friends, enemy's, or other groups. I don't care. Just keep the title, content, and this little rant on the bottom intact.
worse every year.
---------------------------------------------
Can you guess which of the following are True or False?
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every
10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being
indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your
heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every
minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until
they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting
in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time
of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is
to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer
and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State
anthem.
21. Most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of
white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same
airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a
tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords
cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein
transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were
7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
All of the above are supposedly true.
-----------------------------------------------------
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered - "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"
---------------------------------------------------------
What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the
moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person
which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey," died
peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
coffin. They put his left leg in ...
... and then the trouble started.
--
You are reading Fairly Universal Nonsense: The biggest and best (humble too) joke newsletter on all the Internet (no lie Ive looked around) If you like it then forward it to a friend and tell them to sign up. If you are that friend sign up at: http://fairlyuniversalnonsense.googlepages.com/home
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, praises, snide remarks, or anything else you can think of, then I would appreciate it if you would email them to me at jess...@gmail.com. Yes, there is a jessebg1 but you wont get a response. Sometimes it seems that I am sending these jokes to nobody so it would be nice to get some feedback as to how I am doing. Yes, I would even like your complaints and snide remarks.
Feel free to send this Newsletter to your friends, enemy's, or other groups. I don't care. Just keep the title, content, and this little rant on the bottom intact.
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