Fairly Universal Nonsense for Sept 27, 2008

[J NA]

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
---------------------------------------------------

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties
now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led
to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew
it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me,
and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau
and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?".

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had
turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.
She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss
called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to
say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you
don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another
job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a
divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors, and college professors don't make
any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began
to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled
as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with
a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and
ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library
was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for
me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is
heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I
never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we
share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last
meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life
just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
-----------------------------------------

Pete soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked him to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The minister inquired "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"


Pete smirked and says, "I'm going to go get her."

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