Fairly Universal Nonsense for October , 2008

[J NA]

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish
burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner." -- Lynda
Montgomery
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One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan's
upset because he couldn't complete his math homework," his
mother explained.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Apparently," she said, "our computer doesn't have Roman
numerals."
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The evangelist is speaking at a revival meting about imperfection. "Has anyone
ever known anyone who has come CLOSE to the perfection of our lord, Jesus
Christ?"

Of course, nobody budges.

"Anybody! Has ANYONE ever known that kind of perfection?"

A guy in the back raises his hand.

"Stand up, please, brother and tell us. Tell us who you knew who was so close
to perfection."

"My wife's first husband."
---------------------------------------------

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns
gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her
some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the
glass back to the kitchen.

Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the
previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the
warm milk.

When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to
her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew
it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest. "Please give us some wisdom
before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said,
"Don't sell that cow."

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