Fairly Universal Nonsense Newsletter of Jokes Jokes Newsletter for September 20, 2008
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J NA
Sep 21, 2008, 1:50:07 AM9/21/08
to fun-jokes, f-...@googlegroups.com, fairly-unive...@yahoogroups.com, fun-joke...@googlegroups.com, funj...@yahoogroups.com
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there
the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing
him again.
-------------------------------------------------
A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of
the Pope with his class. One student asked how they chose
the new Pope.
The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So the
Cardinals pick him."
A student in the back of class, asked, very seriously, "Why
would they let a baseball team pick the next Pope?"
----------------------------------------
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's
ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and
asked her husband never to touch it.
For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old
and dying.
One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box
again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box
to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the
day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help
ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at
him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."
---------------------------------------------
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
--
You are reading Fairly Universal Nonsense: The biggest and best (humble too) joke newsletter on all the Internet (no lie Ive looked around) If you like it then forward it to a friend and tell them to sign up. If you are that friend sign up at: http://fairlyuniversalnonsense.googlepages.com/home
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, praises, snide remarks, or anything else you can think of, then I would appreciate it if you would email them to me at jess...@gmail.com. Yes, there is a jessebg1 but you wont get a response. Sometimes it seems that I am sending these jokes to nobody so it would be nice to get some feedback as to how I am doing. Yes, I would even like your complaints and snide remarks.
Feel free to send this Newsletter to your friends, enemy's, or other groups. I don't care. Just keep the title, content, and this little rant on the bottom intact.
the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing
him again.
-------------------------------------------------
A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of
the Pope with his class. One student asked how they chose
the new Pope.
The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So the
Cardinals pick him."
A student in the back of class, asked, very seriously, "Why
would they let a baseball team pick the next Pope?"
----------------------------------------
As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's
ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and
asked her husband never to touch it.
For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old
and dying.
One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box
again and thought it might hold something important.
Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box
to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the
day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help
ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."
Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at
him twice.
"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.
"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."
---------------------------------------------
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
--
You are reading Fairly Universal Nonsense: The biggest and best (humble too) joke newsletter on all the Internet (no lie Ive looked around) If you like it then forward it to a friend and tell them to sign up. If you are that friend sign up at: http://fairlyuniversalnonsense.googlepages.com/home
If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, complaints, praises, snide remarks, or anything else you can think of, then I would appreciate it if you would email them to me at jess...@gmail.com. Yes, there is a jessebg1 but you wont get a response. Sometimes it seems that I am sending these jokes to nobody so it would be nice to get some feedback as to how I am doing. Yes, I would even like your complaints and snide remarks.
Feel free to send this Newsletter to your friends, enemy's, or other groups. I don't care. Just keep the title, content, and this little rant on the bottom intact.
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