Lots O' F-U-N for September 19, 2008

[J NA]

I know it hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle
without a seat, but it hurts.
- Lt. Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun
----------------------------------------------------

There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found
herself in a rural area. She noted a farm animal standing next
to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone. "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with
horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other
times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of
acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause
it's a horse."
-----------------------------------------

This is supposed to be a true story. It allegedly just outside
of Ironwood, a little town in Michigan's upper peninsula.

This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitch-
hiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm.
Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard
he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he
saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in
the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed
the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind
the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.
Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified,
too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw
that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too
scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his
life. He was sure the ghost car would go off the road
and in the swamp and he would surely drown!

But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the
driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering
wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as
silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the
hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy
watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve.
Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take
and jumped out of the car and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering,
ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his
supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody
got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the
truth and not just some drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and
one says to the other, "Look Toivo, der's dat idiot dat
rode in our car when we wuz pushin' it in da rain."
------------------------------------------------------

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled
through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what happened.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con-
venience store."

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