Fairly Universal Nonsense for September 21, 2008

[J NA]

Porque el miedo, sin ser Dios, suele hacer algo de nada. (Fear
can, though it is not God, create something from nothing.) -
Caspar de Aguilar
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A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer's field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied, "I shot that bird y'see lyin there, and now I'm about to pick it up."

The old man answered, "This is my property yer crossin into, and I'm tellin you, yer not coming over."

The indignant attorney said, "I'll have you know that I'm one of the best solicitors in all of Ireland, and if you don't let me retrieve my bird, I'll take ye to court for everything y'own!"

The old farmer looked him over and said, "Well now, being as how you're not from around here, you don't know how we settle things like this. Y'see now, here we use the three-kick method.

"And what would that be?", asked the lawyer. The farmer said, "First I kick you three times and then you do the same to me, and back and forth like that till one or the other gives up."

The attorney thought this over, and quickly decided he could easily take the old codger, and agreed to the local custom. The old farmer walked slowly over to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy boot in the solicitor's groin dropping him to his knees. The second blow nearly wiped the lawyers nose off his face. The attorney was flat on the ground when the farmer's third kick to the kidney almost finished him.

The lawyer dug deep for his every bit of will, dragged himself standing, and said, "Okay you old bugger, now it's my turn. The old farmer just smiled and said, "Naw I believe I'll give up now. You can have the bird."
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A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.

"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort."

"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"

"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.

"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved her?"

"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"
----------------------------------------------------------

Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his
front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country
club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife
alive again."

But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the
designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind
a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you
so long?"

"Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard.
"I'm a 27 handicap."

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