Fairly Universal Nonsense for September 13, 2008

[J NA]

It was a solemn occasion, planning Mom's funeral, and
us kids were gathered around the kitchen table
deciding who would preside, who would give the Eulogy
and especially what music would be played.

"Mom loved the Bee Gees", said John the eldest, and the
rest of us nodded our heads in agreement.  Looking around
at the consensus he went on "Are we all agreed then, that
we'll play Bee Gees music at the funeral?"

Again, we all silently nodded our heads, except for Sis, who
suddenly burst into gales of laughter.  We all looked at her
in disbelief, as she'd taken Mom's death the hardest ...

"I guess we won't be playing 'Staying Alive', though, will we?"
she asked ...
--------------------------------------------------------

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just
starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the
fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.

The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob
looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then
apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, I always get
emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for
me.

One of his buddies asked: What happened? What could have gotten
you so upset?

Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low
voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago
when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very
hole!

Oh my God, the other golfers said; That must have been
horrible!

Horrible? You think it`s horrible? Bob cried in disbelief; It
was worse than that!!!!

Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the
clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag
Alice...
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A young man about to go on his first date asks his father for advice.
"What should I talk about?"

"Son, there are three subjects that always work: food, family, and
philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream
sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the
boy's nervousness builds. Recalling his father's advice he says, "Do
you like potato pancakes?"

His date replies, "No" and the silence returns.

"Uhhhh ... do you have a brother?"

"No." More silence.

"Well, then ... if you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

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