THE DICTIONARY --- the Old plain text beautifully recast with illustrations.

[Paren Sheth]

THE DICTIONARY --- the Old plain text beautifully recast with illustrations.

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

                                      MARRIAGE:
                            It's an agreement
              wherein a man loses his bachelor degree
                   and a woman gains her master

                  

 

                                         DIVORCE: 
                        Future Tense of Marriage

 

    
                                     

                                           LECTURE:
                    An art of transmitting Information
                       from the notes of the lecturer
                          to the notes of students
                    without passing through the minds 
                                    of either

            

                                       CONFERENCE: 
                         The confusion of one man
                    multiplied by the number present

 
                                      

                                        COMPROMISE:
              The art of dividing a cake in such a way that 
              everybody believes he got the biggest piece

 

        

           

                                                TEARS:
                          The hydraulic force by which
                             masculine will power is
                      defeated by feminine water-power!

  

                                     DICTIONARY:
                    A place where divorce comes 
                              before marriage

   

                                  CONFERENCE ROOM:
                       A place where everybody talks,
                                  nobody listens 
                     and everybody disagrees later on

 

            

                                               ECSTASY: 
               A feeling when you feel you are going to feel
                     a feeling you have never felt before

 

          
                                             CLASSIC:
                          A book which people praise, 
                                  but never read

            

                                               SMILE:
              A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

   

                                              OFFICE:
                        A place where you can relax
                      after your strenuous home life

                

                                               YAWN:
                  The only time when some married men
                         ever get to open their mouth

                 

                                                 ETC:
                         A sign to make others believe
                 that you know more than you actually do

   

                                          COMMITTEE:
                Individuals who can do nothing individually
          and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

   

                                        EXPERIENCE:
                  The name men give to their Mistakes

                  

                                          ATOM BOMB:
              An invention to bring an end to all inventions

 

           

                                        PHILOSOPHER: 
                    A fool who torments himself during life,
                          to be spoken of when dead

 

          

                                              DIPLOMAT:
            A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
                  that you actually look forward to the trip

              

                                       OPPORTUNIST:
                     A person who starts taking a bath 
                     if he accidentally falls into a river

            

                                            OPTIMIST:
                           A person who while falling
                     from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway
                         "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

    

                                          PESSIMIST:
        A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,
              Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY

             

                                               MISER:
                            A person who lives poor
                            so that he can die RICH!

 

    

                                              FATHER:
                         A banker provided by nature

   

                                           CRIMINAL:
                     A guy no different from the other, 
                            unless he gets caught

        

                                              BOSS:

                    Someone who is early when you are late
                        and late when you are early

           

                                         POLITICIAN:
               One who shakes your hand before elections 
                          and your Confidence Later

 

                    

                                               DOCTOR:
                      A person who kills your ills by pills, 
                            then kills you with his bills