Chapter 1

[Patti L]

I just finished Chapter 1 and had somewhat of a breakthrough.  (Hubby is tinkering in the garage, so I turned off the TV and sat with the book and my journal and started in.  Rose Bowl hasn't started yet.)

The first chapter is pretty much the first few podcasts.  I've started them over a few times before.  It started out the same as I've done before..... Away from, or negative, motivators:  I want to stop eating at night, I want to stop grazing (eating between meals).  I want to stop eating until I feel sick.  I want to stop the fear of switching addictions.  I want to stop procrastinating.  blah, blah, blah.  Same ole.... same ole.

The symptoms are pretty much the same...... tired and depressed.... aches and pains.....  clothes don't fit.... short of breath easily.... sweating easily..... embarrassed to see people I haven't seen in awhile..... feeling lazy.....  same ole... same ole.

New one:  Where do I see myself a year from now... 5 years from now?  That was depressing.  Will I be sitting here next New Years Day 25 pounds heavier vowing to start over again?  Where will my blood pressure be 5 years from now?  Will I be back to my highest weight 5 years from now? (money will be better because the bankruptcy will be paid off!)  But will I be physically able to enjoy it?  Scary thoughts.

Toward motivators:  Positive stuff!  I want to move toward wearing regular size clothes.  I want to move toward eating only at mealtimes.  I want to move toward feeling good about exercising.  I want to move toward feeling proud of myself and my food choices.  I want to move toward having energy.  (how do I make "stop procrastinating" into a positive?)

Then.... here comes the revelation.... At the end of the chapter, there is a meditation about imagining the "new you".  It's kinda hard to read a meditation.  I remembered it's exactly like an early podcast episode meditation journey.  I never did the journey because I generally listen to the podcasts in the car.  I always think "I should go back and do those meditations".  So, I got out my smart phone and looked for the episode in question (It's #3).  And listened..... and meditated.... and felt something new.  I think God was with me because hubby stayed in the garage.  The washer and dryer both stopped just as I started.  The house was silent.  It allowed me to fully concentrate on the message.

Here's what happened.  I saw the "New Me".  Not just saw... I really felt.  I saw myself wearing a pair of pants I love (size 12).  (I'm 5'10", so a size 12 is pretty small for me).  I saw myself twirling in front of a mirror being proud of myself.  I saw myself jogging..... actually JOGGING.... in black yoga pants and t-shirt.  Not a big baggy t-shirt to cover my butt.  But a form fitting T-shirt.  There is a big hill a mile away from our house.  I saw myself walking (ok...not jogging), but walking up it.  And not dieing at the top.  Then jogging the rest of the way to our house.  I saw myself turning down food in a restaurant.  I saw myself laughing with friends (actually laughing!).  I saw myself busy and active around the house.... not sitting on my butt watching TV and crocheting.  I saw myself at work.  Busy, concentrating and confident in my abilities (no munchies in sight).  I saw myself standing and giving a presentation (still in my favorite size 12 pants).  Confident and strong in my ability and knowledge.  I was happy!  Really happy!  It was wonderful! 

Now, I know that being my ideal size does not translate into happiness.  I know that!  I've been there.  When I was wearing those size 12 pants before, I wasn't happy.  That's why I gained weight.  All those years of "if only I would lose all my weight, I'd have everything I want".  It was a lie.  All those TV ads that show people smiling and happy just because they lost weight are lies!  Because no matter what size I am, I'm still me.  The brain doesn't change sizes.  It's still screwed up regardless of what size pants I'm wearing.  But this vision was different.  I wasn't happy because I was a size 12.  I was a size 12 because I was happy!  See the difference?  It's the biggest difference there is!!!  It's why diets don't work!!!  (Don't tell Weight Watchers)

Then Renee asks to imagine a thing, or animal, that symbolizes those good feelings.  (not sure how she got there.... I was too busy imagining The Wonderful New Me).  But, I had some a similar visualization with another Renee podcast.  I had forgotten all about it.  I pictured a lightening bolt.  Full of energy and light.  Un-harness-able (I know... that's not a word) energy and light.   Just bursting with energy and light.  She said something about the good feelings being a light.  She said to imagine being in the light..... feeling light all around.  Bathe in the glow.  I did.  I liked it.  She said those feelings are already inside of us.  They aren't going to come from somewhere else because we lose weight.  I already have them inside.  (Now I'm not sure if she actually said all this... or if my subconscious did while I was meditating.  Someone tell me if she really does say all this in the meditation journey in Episode 3.

In any case, I felt free.  There was another set of episodes about anchoring.  If you feel something good.... an emotion or feeling you want to experience again.... press a part of your body.  It "anchors" the feeling.  If you want to re-experience the emotion, press that same spot again.  I put my palms together and pressed.  Not only did it anchor the good feeling, I felt a sense of energy pass between my palms.  The pressure of the resistance was a kind of force.... a life force.  It reminded me of the unlimited source of force and energy I already possess.  It was something I had felt before, but only just remembered..... It's amazing the stuff we forget when we get away from the path of emotional well being.

So!  When I'm feeling low or down or feel like "this ain't gonna work!", I'm going to press my palms together and remember the force and energy.  And catch a glimpse of The Wonderful New Me that is just waiting to come out.

Rose Bowl is going to start soon.....  (Go Ducks!!)  Have to get the clothes out of the dryer.  Talk to ya soon!

Patti




 

[Marcia Anzur]

Patti!!! I got chills when I read, "I wasn't happy because I was a size 12. I was a size 12 because I was happy." That's IT!!!

I also did Week 1, but I didn't think of using the podcast. I'm going to do that right after dinner! I'm really excited about it! As you wrote, trying to read and do the meditation is a awkward.

 

Marcia

Patti




 

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[Heather McF]

WOW! Very Very cool! I haven't started, but now I am motivated to
do. I started Renee on 174 or so, so I want to start back from the
beginning. Tonight I will do just that! Patti, the happy you IS in
there! :) Let's work together to connect you to that vision and make
it a reality!!

[Judy]

Patti,

your post is so very inspiring!! You go girl! Tomorrow is my day to
re-listen to the first few podcasts and do my exercises for chapter 1
in Full-Filled! You have given me the motivation to do this!

Thank you!

Namaste'

Judy

[Judy]

Silly me, I forgot that I started my motivation exercises last week
(must have been drinking wine - another problem to tackle!). Here is
what I wrote in my online penzu journal on Monday, 1/2/12:

Away From:

Physical pain - knees, back, hips, foot

Emotional Pain - embarrassment, shame, self-esteem,

Specifics.. fitting into seats comfortably, need a seat-belt extender
on airplane, people's looks (especially dh)

Getting up and down stairs or other maneuvering where well-meaning
friends try to help..

Self-doubt of how I would allow this to happen to myself.

Feeling sick after eating and/or drinking too much

Restless (or little) sleep on a full stomach



Towards:

Enjoying nature again on hikes and more..

Feeling proud and feeling good in my own skin

Feeling strong and self-confident

Pain-free - physically and emotionally

Horseback riding and other prior passions I have given up..

competitive sports like tennis, learn bocce ball or pickle ball, try
zumba..

[Patti L]

I'm glad I inspired you.  I wish I could inspire me.  I'm flying to Wisconsin on Business Monday.  I bought the book in Kindle version so I can read it on my phone.  That way I don't have the excuse of not wanting to lug a book around.  So, hopefully, I will be able to read and study and do some writing when I'm alone.  Away from hubby and blaring TV.  (that's one of my triggers.  My hubby likes to have the TV loud.  It makes me nervous and anxious.  I head to the kitchen to escape the noise.)

Patti

Judy