Introducing Myself -- Karen

[Karen]

Hello all!

I'm Karen, 51, and recovering from post-viral fatigue syndrome for the
past 16 months, which is what originally drew me to Renee's podcasts,
at the suggestion of a friend. I’m going to detail some of my life’s
struggles with weight and weight loss, hoping that some of you may
relate to it!

I was born to a beautiful Southern woman, but I was not the beautiful
girl she hoped for. With her voice in my head expressing her
dissatisfaction with my physical being, I packed on the pounds,
weighing over 100 pounds by third grade. I learned to ignore my body.

I went far away for college and married my college sweetheart, only to
realize once we were out of college and both working full time that he
had expectations of me that I could not meet, so he began berating me,
and added to my mother's negative voice in my head. On came more
weight.

I successfully lost 75 pounds on Weight Watchers in my mid-20s (got to
goal weight and became a Lifetime Member), then immediately got
pregnant and went onto hospital bed rest for 3 months when I almost
lost my son 24 weeks into the pregnancy. So I added my own negative
voice about my ineptitude as a mother-to-be and ate my way through
bedrest.

I packed on more pounds as I struggled to balance work, motherhood,
and marriage. And got angrier and angrier as I went....

Weighing well over 300 pounds into my late 30s, I had a boss tell me
he would not give me a promotion because I did not look like a
leader. Ouch! But I reached out to friends for support and lost
around 120 pounds.

It was during this time I began keeping a gratitude journal, and it
transformed my life, allowing me to resolve my life's quest for
"justice," to right every wrong committed against me in an unfair
world. As I forced myself to journal 5 things for which to be
grateful every night before sleeping, I began to keep track of them
during the day as they happened and recounted them to myself
throughout the day to make sure I wouldn't forget them come bedtime.
And I finally felt blessed.

Then my husband of 26 years told me he was leaving me, and my world
turned upside down again. And my voices returned, telling me what a
failure I was, all over again.

I moved to a new state, a new job, a single life. And was suddenly,
and for the first time in my life, alone. So very alone. Except for
food, that old stand by! And I began to eat uncontrollably again.

As I adjusted to single life, I began shedding extra pounds again, and
was making good progress.

Then, summer before last, I developed a severe systemic viral
infection that went improperly diagnosed, landing me in the hospital
as various specialists struggled to diagnose me. Six months after the
ordeal began, I ended up at the Mayo Clinic, where they finally
figured out I’d had a serious disease reaction to a typically mild
virus that even toddlers get! But my body went absolutely berserk
with the disease, and I ended up on all sorts of medications that kept
me doped up and gaining weight.

I’m now completely off of meds and -- I hope -- in the final stages of
recovery. I’m looking forward to a happy and healthy new year!

Karen

[Marcia Anzur]

Welcome to the group, Karen! Even though our stories are unique, the basic emotional needs are so similar. I'm grateful today to have met you!

 

Marcia

Karen

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[Karen]

I'm new to this Yahoo and Google groups thing -- guess I was supposed
to enter my info under the "Introductions" thread. Who knew!

[Patti L]

Karen,

I can relate to the negative voice inside.  The thing is, I never had anyone actively negative berate me.  I learned to that skill on my own.  I take that back....... there was one person when I was growing up.  That's a whole huge issue.... I'm not ready to share it yet.  I know that issue has shaped my entire life.  The negative voice inside comes from that.

Anyway!  There is always that voice of "I will never succeed. " "I will always fail at whatever I do." "I don't deserve success."  Every time I lose weight, I never get to goal.  I always stop just before.  Or I stop at one of the small goals I set.  I know I'm intelligent and good at my job.  But I never go above and beyond.  When am successful at something, I subconsciously always do one thing to screw it up.  It's usually something small... only I ever know about it.  But I can never fully believe I did a good job because I always know about the one thing I messed up. 

I crave praise and attention.  But if my boss gives me 99 compliments and 1 complaint, guess which one I obsess about. 

That little voice says "See?  I told you you're a failure and you will never do anything right."

And the gaining weight?  Classic negativity!  "You're fat! You're ugly!  You'll always be fat and ugly!  It doesn't matter if you lose weight, it will come back.  You will never be successful at losing weight."

Anyway!  Karen, I'm sorry to hear about your illness.  I hope that is all behind you and you are able to look ahead to getting your health back.

Patti

[Patti L]

No problem Karen!  There are no rules to this group thing.  Respond to existing or start a new thread..... it's all good. :)

Patti

[Marcia Anzur]

Karen, it really doesn't matter where you post in this group, we will get the message in an email. I'm new at this, too.

Marcia

On Mon, Jan 2, 2012 at 12:04 PM, Karen <guevar...@ymail.com> wrote:

I'm new to this Yahoo and Google groups thing -- guess I was supposed
to enter my info under the "Introductions" thread.  Who knew!

[Marcia Anzur]

Patti,

We are soooo our worst enemies--or at least we have been in the past! I read something once about treating ourselves like a best friend. I do challenge my friends when they need it, but always in a caring way so that they know that I only want what's best for them. If we can treat ourselves that way, half the battle would be won! Self-talk is THAT powerful!

Marcia