If you’re looking for a fuck buddy or have already found one, here are a few things to keep in mind while on your casual sex adventures!
Put your cards on the table. The best fuck buddies are always honest about what they want. “I’m really not looking for anything serious right now,” is enough to get your message across. Be honest and open about what you want and never lead your fuck buddy on.
Keep it simple. Some people find it really hard to be fuck buddies with their friends. When you already know that you genuinely enjoy someone’s company, adding sex to the mix can encourage romance to creep in. Try to keep the emotional component of your fuckbuddyship to the minimum. Going out on dates or just “hanging out” can end up confusing both of you, and the steamy casual sex you were sharing could get complicated.
Be nice. Keeping it simple doesn’t mean being a dick. If you contact your fuck buddy and they tell you that they’re not feeling up to getting it on, be nice. At the very least, tell them you hope they’ll be feeling better soon.
Try new things. Part of the fun of being a fuck buddy is being able to push boundaries that you might be more nervous to address in a serious relationship. If you’re kinky but you’ve always been in vanilla relationships, this is the perfect time to experiment without fearing serious sexual incompatibility.
Get tested and pack protection. Many STIs don’t show obvious symptoms, some present differently in men and women, and HPV can be spread even if you’re using condoms. If you use the NHS, STI testing is free and easy. That having been said, all good fuck buddies bring extra protection. It’s not one person’s job to bring the condoms, and it’s always better to have too many than too few.
If one of you moves on, be gracious. If you’re the one moving on, you should absolutely have the decency to tell your fuck buddy that they won’t be hearing from you anymore. If you’re the one who recently received this news, wish them well. If you two shared some good times and hot sex, you both deserve at least a text saying goodbye and good luck.
I imagine many of us have been in a situation where the person we’ve been having regular casual sex with moves on without us. You can pretend it doesn’t bother you (“I’m cool! I’m breezy! This is fine!”) but it’s still kind of a bummer. Because if you were having sex with this person, it must have meant you enjoyed it…and now they’re gone. If any of this sounds familiar, here are a few things that will help you get through –
1) Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel – Whether you’re angry that they’ve disrupted your convenient casual sex arrangement or you’re legitimately feeling hurt and rejected because you became emotionally attached to this person (despite your best efforts not to) – allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. Trying to bury your feelings with booze or more sex, will just delay the process of getting over them (and inevitably the bad feelings will bubble up to the surface later.)
2) Stay busy – Whether it’s going on a few casual dates or taking some time away from dating to work on yourself, staying busy will definitely help. With more time on your hands, take this opportunity to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do (kickboxing anyone?), take that Spanish class you’ve been meaning to sign up for, or maybe even use this time to read some sex-positive books. Anything you do during this time to work on yourself will help you bring more to the table as a lover and as a person in general! Plus, if you’re out and about doing things that you enjoy you’re more likely to meet other sexy singles with similar interests.
3) Find a new fuck buddy – There’s an old saying, “Get over someone by getting under someone else.” After one sexual relationship ends, sometimes you need a “palette cleanser.” If what you’re really missing is having sex, perhaps it’s time to find a new fuck buddy. Whether this is acquiring a friend-with-benefits or meeting a fuck buddy online, sometimes you just have to get back on that horse & ride it.
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