Points to ponder!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
After returning from church one Sunday with his parents, little Ernie surprises them by saying, "I think I might be a preacher when I grow up.
"That's fine," says his mother, "but what gave you that idea?"
"Well," replies little Ernie, "if I have to go to church anyway it would be more fun to stand up and yell than sit still and listen."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie is trying to get his grandfather to make a noise like a frog. But Grandpa refuses and goes on digging the garden.
After an hour of constant pestering, Grandpa throws down his shovel and turns around.
"All right, Ernie," he snaps, "I'11 make a noise like a frog! But why all the fuss?"
"Well," replies little Ernie, "Grandma says when you croak we will all go to Hawaii."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
One afternoon, Miss Goodbody stands up and calls her class to attention.
"Now I want complete silence!" she says. "I want it so quiet, you can hear a pin drop.
A deep silence descends over the classroom.
After two minutes, little Ernie shouts out from the back of the room, "For God's sake, Miss, let it drop!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The teacher of the six-year-olds in first grade is annoyed to find water on the floor in front of her desk, but chooses to ignore it. When the same thing happens the next day, she asks the children about it, but nobody says a word.
On the third day it happens again. Determined to get to the bottom of the mystery, she says, "I know whoever did this must be feeling very shy about their little accident. So I have an idea! We will all close our eyes while the child who did this comes and writes his name on this piece of paper on my desk. Then we will forget all about it."
Everyone closes their eyes. After a couple of minutes a chair squeaks, little footsteps are heard coming and going, and the chair squeaks again.
Delighted, the teacher tells everyone to open their eyes. A second puddle of water has appeared on the floor and on the paper is scrawled: "The phantom pisser strikes again!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The teacher asks her little pupils to tell about their acts of kindness to poor animals. After several of the children have told heart-stirring stories of kindness, the teacher asks little Ernie if he has anything to tell.
"Well," said Ernie proudly, "I once kicked a boy for kicking his dog."
…………………………………………..
Little Tommy comes back from his first day at school and his mother greets him at the front door.
'Well, Tommy" she says, "did you learn much on your first day?"
"Not enough I guess," says Tommy, sadly, "I have to go back again tomorrow."
Dalat, Vietnam
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Mrs. Meyer is talking to her neighbor, Mrs. Jones.
"I don't want your son, Ernie, swimming in our pool anymore," she says.
"But what has my poor little Ernie done?" asks Mrs. Jones.
"He is constantly peeing in the pool," says Mrs. Meyer, angrily.
"Don't be so hard on him," says Mrs. Jones, "all children of his age do that!"
"Maybe they do," says Mrs. Meyer, "but not from the diving board."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Professor Bradley is beaming at his class in elementary zoology.
"I have brought a frog, fresh from the pond," he says, "in order that we might study its outer appearance and later dissect it."
He carefully unwraps the package he is carrying, and inside is a neatly prepared ham sandwich. The professor looks at it with astonishment.
"That's odd," he says, "I distinctly remember having eaten my lunch."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Roger was frightened of the large bulldog that occupied the yard next to his home.
One day, feeling adventurous, Roger climbed the fence. The huge bulldog rushed up to him and licked his face. The boy began to scream and his mother came running to his side.
"Did he bite you, darling?"
"Not yet," whimpered Roger, "He just tasted me."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie trots into the bathroom just as his pregnant mother is getting out of the bath.
"What is that?" he asks, pointing at her bulging belly.
Feeling a bit embarrassed, and not wanting to explain all about the birds and the bees, his mother tells him, "It is a present Daddy gave me.
A bit puzzled by this reply, little Ernie goes into the kitchen, where his father is reading the newspaper over breakfast.
"Dad?" says Ernie.
"Yes, Ernie," replies his father.
"You know that present you gave Mummy?" asks Ernie.
"Yes, son," replies his father.
“Well," says Ernie, "she has gone and eaten it!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie 's father invites his boss to dinner, in the hope of getting a promotion at work.
Days are spent planning the menu and getting the house just right, hut the effect is ruined when little Ernie appears on the stairs just as the boss arrives.
"I wanted to see you," says Ernie, "because Mum said you were a self-made man."
I am," smiles the boss, "and proud of it!"
"In that case," says Ernie, "why did you make yourself look so ugly?"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie gives a loud wolf whistle in the middle of Father Murphy's sermon, and his grandfather picks him up and carries him out of the church.
Once they are outside, he starts to scold.
"How could you?" he cries, "Making such a noise in the church...!"
"Well," replies little Ernie looking quite excited, "I have been praying for a long time that God would teach me to whistle, and this morning he did."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The hostess at a kid's birthday party goes up to little Ernie, "How come," she asks, "your little brother is so shy? He has not moved from that comer all afternoon."
"He is not shy at all," insists Ernie. "It is just that he has never had to wear a necktie before and he thinks he is tied to something."
………………………………….
Little Ernie is looking through the family photo album when he comes across a photo of his parents' wedding day.
Ernie calls his father over, and pointing to his mother in her wedding dress says, "Was that the day that Mum came to work for us?"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie is taken to the dentist's office for a checkup.
"It is okay, Dec," says Ernie. "You can take off the mask, I have already recognized you."
…………………………………….
Conrad was six years old. Although he was six, he had never spoken a word. His parents took him to the psychiatrist, but it didn't help.
But one evening at the dinner table, Conrad looked down at his plate of food and said, "Take away this muck, it tastes terrible!"
His parents were elated and wept with joy. "You can talk!" cried his mother. "How come you've never spoken before this?"
"Up to now," said Conrad, "everything has been fine!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Outside the classroom it is snowing hard.
"Boys and girls," says Mrs. Goodbody, "you must be very careful not to catch colds in this weather. I had a dear little brother, only seven years old. One day, he went out in the snow with his new skis. He caught a cold, pneumonia set in, and three days later he was dead."
A hush falls over the classroom and then little Ernie jumps to his feet and asks, "Can I have his skis!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Miss Goodbody, the teacher, is too shy to conduct the sex education class in school, so she asks her class to make this a homework project.
Little Ernie asks his father, who tells him some story about a stork. Grandma says that she was found under a gooseberry bush. Great-grandma blushes deep red and whispers that children come from God.
The next day, little Ernie gets called to report on his homework.
"Well," says Ernie, "I am afraid my family has been a little abnormal. Apparently there has been no sex at all for three generations."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
During English class one morning, Miss Goodbody calls out, "Betty, tell me the meaning of the word `trickle'.
"To run slowly," says Betty.
"Quite right," says Miss Goodbody. "Now tell me the meaning of the word `anecdote'.
"A short funny tale," says Betty.
"Good girl," says Miss C;oodbody "Now, Lucy, see if you can give me a sentence with both those words in it."
Lucy thinks for a moment: "Yes, I know," she says. "Our dog trickled down the street wagging his anecdote."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie, the cabin boy, asks Long John Silver, the pirate, how he got his wooden leg.
"Ah, it was a cannon ball, Ernie, my lad," says Silver. "Took my leg clean off at the knee."
"And why have you got a hook instead of a hand?" asks Ernie.
"Ah, a cutlass," replies Long John, "took my hand clean off."
"How did you lose your eye?" asked Ernie.
"Ah, I got seagull shit in it," says the pirate.
"But a seagull doing that can't take your eye out!" exclaims Ernie.
"It can," replies Long John, "when you forget you have got a hook for a hand!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie is playing with his train set in the living room, while his mother is cooking dinner. He lets the train go around the track ten times, then stops it and says, "Ah you fuckers who wanna get in, get in. All you fuckers who wanna get out, get out!" He lets the train go around ten more times and then stops it and says the same thing.
At this, his mother comes storming into the living room and tells Ernie to go and stand in the corner for using such filthy language.
Half an hour later, his mother tells him he can go and play with his train again. Little Ernie sends the train around the track ten times, stops it and says, "All you fuckers that wanna get in, get in! All you fuckers who wanna get out, get out! Anybody got a complaint about the delay, go and see the bitch in the kitchen!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie comes home early from school. "What are you doing home?" asks his mother.
"I put a stick of dynamite under the teacher's desk," replies little Ernie.
"You march right back to school" says his mother, "and apologize!"
"Mom," says Ernie, "WHAT school?"
…………………………………..
The Goldberg family is on a picnic. Hymie is standing near the edge of a high cliff, admiring the sea crashing on the rocks far below.
Little Herschel comes up to him and says, "Hey Dad, Mom says it is not safe here. So either you stand back or give me the sandwiches.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Miss Goodbody, the teacher, is approaching her classroom when little Ernie comes towards her from the other direction, deliberately winking his left eye.
"Ernest," says Miss Goodbody, quite shocked. "Are you winking at me?"
"No," says Ernie, making a left turn into the classroom,"I have just got my turn signal on."
…………………………………
When the Goldberg family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked little Herschei how he liked the new place.
"It is terrific!" he says. "I have my own room, Ruthie has her own room and Sarah has her own room too. But poor Mom is still in with Dad."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie wants a bicycle, but when he asks his mother, she tells him he can only have one if he behaves himself, which he promises to do.
But after a week of trying to be good, Ernie finds it impossible. So his mother suggests, If you write a note to Jesus, maybe you will find it easier to be good."
Ernie rushes upstairs, sits on his bed, and writes:
"Dear Jesus, if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for the rest of my life.
Realizing that he could never manage that, he starts again:
"Dear Jesus, if you let me have a bike, I promise to be good for a month." Knowing that he can't do that, he suddenly has an idea.
He runs into his mother's room, takes her statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in a shoe box and hides it under the bed. Then he begins to write again:
"Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again...
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A priest visiting a small village asks a young boy to direct him to the church where he is going to preach that evening.
After the boy has given him directions, the priest says, "You must come along tonight, and bring all your friends.
"What for?" asks the boy.
"Because I will tell you how to get to heaven," replies the priest.
"You must be joking," laughs the boy' "You didn't even know how to get to the church."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Hymie Goldberg is taken to a séance. When he arrives, the medium asks Hymie if there is anybody he would like to contact and speak to. "I'd like to speak to my granny," says Hymie.
"Certainly, my dear," says the medium, going into a deep trance. She begins to moan and talk in a strange voice.
'This is your granny speaking from heaven...a wonderful place in the skies...Is there any-thing you would like to ask me, Hymie?"
"Yes, granny," says Hymie, "what are you doing in heaven when you're not even dead yet?"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Jimmy Jerk is putting his shoes on by himself for the first time, but he puts his right shoe on his left foot and vice versa. When he has finished, he runs to his mother.
"Look Mummy," he says proudly, "I put them on all by myself."
"That's very good," says Jill Jerk, "but I am afraid you have put them on the wrong feet."
Little Jimmy looks down, and then says confidently, "No, Mummy these are definitely my feet."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The maths teacher turns to little Ernie and says, "Ernest, if your father borrowed three hundred dollars and promised to pay back fifteen dollars a week. how much would he owe at the end of ten weeks?"
"Three hundred dollars," Ernie quickly replies.
"I am afraid," says the teacher, "that you don't know your maths very well."
"I am afraid," says Ernie, "that you don't know my father."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Ernie is talking to Ronnie, the little boy from next door. "How old are you?" asks Ernie.
"I don't know," replies little Ronnie.
"Do women bother you?" asks Ernie.
"No," says Ronnie.
"Okay," says Ernie knowingly. "Then you are four.”
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Albert goes to his father and says, "Dad, where did I come from?"
His father starts to stutter and stammer, but he realizes that he has got to tell Albert the facts of life. "Sit down, son," he says.
At great length he describes the whole business, beginning with the birds and the bees.
Then he goes into the most graphic descriptions of people having sex. When he has finished he takes out his handkerchief and wipes the sweat from his brow.
"Okay, Albert:' he says, "do you understand now?"
"Not really, Dad: 'Albert replies. " Ernie says he came from New Jersey, but you have not told me where I came from."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
It happened in the religious class of a small school: the teacher was telling the students to draw, according to them, the concept of God. She had been explaining to them the Christian concept of God. The bishop had come to see how things are going in the class, and she wanted to show something from the small boys and girls.
They had all drawn pictures, and one small boy had drawn a picture of an airplane with four windows. Even the bishop was struck what kind of an idea of God does he have? And from every window something looking like a man...?
The teacher said, "What is this? This is your idea of God?"
The boy said, "You have told us that God is a trinity: the first is God the Father –you can see... with the beard of ancient old age. In the second window Is the son - you can even see the moss -Jesus Christ. In the third you don’t see any face because it is the holy ghost -just something like a whirlwind. "
The bishop and the teacher together asked him, "What about the fourth? From where has the fourth come?"
The little boy said, "The fourth?...Pontius the pilot. Without him the airplane will go out of control. "
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Little Ernie is studying the properties of electricity in his class.
"We are going to learn about some of the practical uses of electricity," says Miss
Goodbody. "So tomorrow I want everyone to bring some electric tool to show us."
The next day there is much excitement as the kids bring their electric bulbs, hair dryers, irons and all kinds of things. When Ernie arrives he is sweating and carrying a huge artificial lung on his back.
"Ernest!" says a surprised Miss Goodbody, "where in heaven's name did you get that electric lung?"
"I took it from grandpa's room," says Ernie, smiling.
"And he didn't mind?" cries Miss Goodbody
"I don't think so, teacher," replies Ernie. "He just said,' Glrrrrrr..."'
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
|
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
After a heated argument with his wife a man said, “Why can’t we live peacefully
like our two dogs who never fight?”
“No, they don’t,” his wife agreed. “But tie them together and see what happens!”
……………
A teacher observed that one of the little boys in her class was pensive and
withdrawn.
“What are you worried about?” she asked.
“My parents,” he replied. ‘’Dad works all day to keep me clothed and fed and sent
to the best school in town. And he’s working overtime to be able to send me to
college. Mom spends all day cooking and cleaning and ironing and shopping so I
have nothing to worry about,”
“Why, then, are you worried?” “I’m afraid they might try to escape.”
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Distinction between the two states of mind!.....
A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH ( Institute of Mental Health ).He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire down.
When he was about to fix the tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.. As he could not fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
A mental patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. Helpless, the driver told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him and said, "You can't even fix such a simple problem.... no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver... Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it to this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones. Easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart ...so why are you here in the Mental Institute?"
The Patient replied:
"Hellooo, I’m here because I'm crazy, not STUPID!"
OH! MY NEW SARI!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
These are great 1 or 2 liners that we could use as great excuses.
Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
.............................................................
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
............................................
Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect.......
so why practice?
.............................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.............................................................
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them
speak.
.............................................................
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Here are some great 1 or 2 liners
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
.............................................................
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
.............................................................
Every man should marry..
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
.............................................................
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
.............................................................
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
.............................................................
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
.............................................................
'Your future depends on your dreams'
So go to sleep
.............................................................
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A few more great 1 or 2 liners that we could use as great excuses.
'Hard work never killed anybody'
But why take the risk
.............................................................
'Work fascinates me'
I can look at it for hours
............................................................
God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
.............................................................
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.............................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops..
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.........
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Some very useful tips:
A sealed envelope - Put in the
freezer for a few hours, then slide a
knife under the flap. The envelope
can then be resealed.
============
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords.
It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what
appliance it belongs to.
==========
For icy door steps in freezing
temperatures: get warm water and put
Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They
won't refreeze. (wish I had known this for the last 40 years!)
==========
To remove old wax from a glass candle
holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then
take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The
wax will fall out.
===========
Crayon marks on walls? This worked
wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped
in baking soda. Comes off
with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
==========
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store
receipt
BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
============
Blood stains on clothes? Not
to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen
peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood.
Works every time! (Now, where to put the body?)
LOL
==========
Use vertical strokes when washing windows
outside and horizontal for inside windows.
This way you can tell which side has the streaks.
Straight vinegar will get outside windows really
clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will
dry too quickly and will probably streak.
========
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser
drawers and your clothes will smell freshly
washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
=========
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the
freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning
.
======
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Some simple but very useful tips:
To clean artificial flowers, pour
some salt into a paper bag and add the
flowers. Shake vigorously as
the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt
and leave your artificial
flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
============
To easily remove burnt on food from your
skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap
and enough water to cover bottom of pan,
and bring to a boil on stove top.
===========
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking
spray before pouring
in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
===========
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when
putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
=============
When boiling corn on the cob, add a
pinch of sugar to help bring out the
corn's natural sweetness
===============
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut
it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The
throbbing will go away.
=============
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
A FEW MORE VERY USEFUL TIPS
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying
soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
============
Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well,
they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your
chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See
for yourself.
============
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors.
It does a good job and better still,
leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
===========
When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to
tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter,
and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
=====
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer.....
... Clean a toilet.
Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China
.
========
Clean a vase.
To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water
and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
=============
Polish jewelry.
Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the
jewelry for two minutes.
==============
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The Marriage Proposal
This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity Centre. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A patient went to a doctor. He did all the tests and gave the result.
Dr: Your kidney failed.
Patient: Impossible. I never sent my kidney to school.
………………
Wife: Darling, why are you crying like ladies who watch serials and cry?
Husband: Stupid. Look properly. I am watching our wedding C.D.
……………………
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull,
I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.
She'll read it very slowly.....
'com-for-da-bul.'
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh
The Chicken Story...
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW: Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." |
Keep Smiling............ WINNERS DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY!!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Try answering some of these questions
1. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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2. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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3. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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4 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
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5. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? (like twenty one or thirty one)
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2.
3. 
4.
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6. 
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Try answering some of these questions
1. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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2. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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3. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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4. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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5. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
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FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Try answering some of these questions:
1. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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2. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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3. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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4. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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5. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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6. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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7. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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8. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, .... I do.'
Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
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FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
In a recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
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*CAR TROUBLE** *
*A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. *
*She says, 'What's the story?' *
*He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' *
*She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' *
Sign in a zoo
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
How the media works:
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, D.C., when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says: 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies: 'Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says: 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living?'
The biker replies: "I'm a U.S. Marine."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
GPS Cat.
There was a man who couldn't stand his wife's cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house. He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.
The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him. 'This is impossible,' said the man to himself. 'tomorrow I'll make sure he can't come back!'
The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn - right, left, right, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.
A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It's the husband, and he asks: "Is the cat there?" "Why, yes." says the wife, "he's been here quite a while, where are you?"
"Put that bastard on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions." |
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The Fancy Nursing Home
With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision, a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her out. Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman doesn't fall. Later, the family arrives to see how she was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It’s very nice," she replies. "Except they won’t let you fart." |
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
An Animal Celebrity
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of their home. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.
To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable for the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that when ever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "the women would say, 'what a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say:
'Sorry, I can't do it.
It's booked up for a year...'
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Everyone Interprets Questions Differently...
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks: "What does two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies: "Four."
The interviewer asks: "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says: "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question.
"What does two plus two equal?"
The accountant says: "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question.
"What does two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, leans close to the interviewer and whispers: "What do you want it to equal?"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Now That's One Fussy Judge...
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they said they didn't, He sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out that they had filled the names in wrong -- with his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they caught the clerk... and after five reissued licenses, the judge was finally satisfied.
Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
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FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A Man in the Kitchen
Yesterday I sent my dear husband a text message saying:
"Hey sweetie, you see that bag of potatoes? Please peel half and put them in the pot to boil. Thank you!"
When I got home, this is what I saw... |
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That's the last time he sets foot in the kitchen...
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FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The Memorial...
A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses.
As the last guests departed after the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend.
"Ah well, Bill would be pleased," she said.
"You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"So go on, how much did this really cost?'"
"All of it," said Nancy. "One hundred thousand."
"Oh no!!" Mary exclaimed, "I mean, it was very grand, but $100,000?!!"
Nancy answered, "Well the funeral was $12,000. I donated $1,500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $1,500... and the rest went for the Memorial Stone."
Mary computed quickly.
"For the love of God Nancy, $85,000 for a Memorial Stone?
So Nancy showed her... * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
|
Dalat, Vietnam
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
About a King and a Donkey
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So they did. - Advertisement -
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain." So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.
And thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions...
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FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A Pirate's Tale...
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!" "Well," says the pirate, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet..." |
hook, and I feel great, really."FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that's the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "The Wedding Cake."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
The Helpful Lifeline
It was a typical night of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire... Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it... A - Robin B - Sparrow C - Cuckoo D - Thrush Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars." "I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure." Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?" Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham." (ringing) Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..." Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to get to a Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara." Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it: A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush" Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo." Barbara: "You think?" Maggie: "I'm sure." Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up) Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?" Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo" Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Barbara: "It is." Regis: "Are you confident?" Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet." Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara!"
(The audience goes wild) That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest? Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock!" |
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David. He feels sorry for him.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!"
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said: "Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
English is the world's international language. It is often used to explain things to tourists coming in from other countries.
But while English is well known, it's not always well written, resulting in some truly, although unintentional, comic signs. Here are some of my all-time favorite broken English signs:
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
LITTLE JOHNNY CRIES
On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad. His father noticed him crying and asked, "What's wrong, little Johnny?"
Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you!!"
LITTLE JOHNNY'S ESSAY
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
KNOWS THE WAY
A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa..
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
One Brave Cowboy
A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the #$%$)@ out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago..."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
Health Care
Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."
A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, put her in the White House, and then half the country will be out looking for work."
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Have a good laugh!
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,
"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and
beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in here?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that
* the electric chair does not work,
* someone has stolen all the nails from the bed
* and the devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in, signs
the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!! !
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Nutmeg for Insomnia
Insomnia can be extremely frustrating and debilitating. It can have an effect on nearly every aspect of someone’s life. If you’re experiencing trouble sleeping, nutmeg might work for you as a natural cure. Nutmeg is a popular spice that is associated with a long list of health benefits, including its ability to relieve pain, soothe indigestion, detox the body, boost skin health, strengthen the immune system and improve blood circulation. Nutmeg is also believed to possess mild sedative properties that may benefit those who suffer from insomnia.
Dried nutmeg most likely won’t produce the same results, but you can try grinding your own at home. After grinding, consume 1/4 teaspoon of freshly ground nutmeg dissolved in warm water, about 4-5 hours before bedtime. It is also okay to add it to your night time tea.
CAUTION: Too much nutmeg can act as a toxin, so be sure to only consume it in moderate amounts. Contact poison control if you experience hallucinations.
Funny pictures
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
The Largest Aquarium in the World,
Radisson Blue Hotel, Berlin.
An extremely rare white rhino, of which there are only four left in the entire world, in the Kenyan Ol Pejeta reservation, roams about the plains flanked by armed bodyguards
World's Biggest Hindu Temple... Cambodia, Angkor...
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Crystal Mosque in Kuala Terengganu - Malaysia
~most beautiful road in the world~
||**The Overseas Highway – Florida Keys**||
The beautiful veined/coconut octopus.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Floating in the Dead Sea, the lowest place in the world.
The salt content is so high, you can't sink. The salt mist
blocks harmful UV Rays so you can't sunburn. The minerals
have great healing powers.
This Picture was Taken in 1956.Thats a HARD DISK drive with 5 MB
of storage. In September 1956, IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the first
'SUPER' computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD weighed
over a ton and stored 5 MB of data (That is more or less the size of regular photo).
AMAZING ROTATING BUILDING :-
A company in Brazil (SuiteVollard) constructed a building
in which each floor can rotate 360 degrees. Each building
has 11 apartments and each apartment can spin individually
in any direction. One rotation takes a full hour, but apartment
owner can set rotation speed through apartment control panel.
Facades are made of three different types of glass which give
wonderful effects when building spins during the sunset.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Chinese Golden Pheasant.
Mosquito grass (a.k.a. Lemon Grass) repels mosquitoes. The strong citrus odor
drives mosquitoes away – a very functional patio plant
Lake Baikal in Russia is thought to be the oldest (25 million years)
in the world and contains about 20% of the world's unfrozen surface fresh water.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Morning Glory Rainbow Pool, Yellowstone National Park.
The Phugtal Monastery was founded in the 12th century by Gangsem Sherap Sampo.
70 monks reside in the monastery.
Montaña Mágica Lodge in Huilo Huilo, Chile. Here you can
have dinner under the majesty of a waterfall.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
The Pearl Waterfall, Jiuzhaigou Valley, China.
Gull Foss waterfall, Iceland
Typhoon, the World's Largest Nuclear Submarine! Russian
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know!
World's Largest Bus Depot at Millennium Park Bus Depot Delhi, India
The depot occupies an area of 243,000 m2 (60 acres), and has the capacity
to park up to 1,000 buses at a time under the shed.
During WWII, the silk of black widow spider was used to make
cross hairs in guns used by the U.S. Army, as it is stronger than
steel or platinum wire of the same thickness..!!
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line
would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Venice captured the impression of a magical floating city by setting wood pilings on the 118 submerged islands in the Northern end of the Adriatic Sea and building on the piles. 400 foot bridges and 170 boat canals connect the city to make it easily accessible to the local populace.
Kettle House (Texas, America)
An actual home reportedly owned by a man who used to
build oil storage tanks, the Kettle House is made of steel
and has been a tourist attraction since it was built in Galveston in the 1950s.
Building of the Day: Habitat 67
Canadian architect Moshe Safdie designed and built this extraordinary
experimental housing complex made up of modular concrete units for
the 1967 World Expo in Montreal. Named Habitat 67, the apartment complex
was Safdie’s attempt to redesign urban living, provide affordable housing
and create a community complete with shops and a school. All of the units
were prefabricated on-site, and each has its own rooftop garden space
located on the roof of the neighbor below.
Li
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
This ain't an ordinary Yacht.
This Super Luxury Yacht has it's own Volcano, Yes, You heard me right. It has it's own volcano,
floating tropical islands, a cascading waterfall which feeds the swimming pool,
helicopter landing pad and a huge bar set behind a series of beach cabanas.
Inside the huge, towering volcano is a cinema, library, games room, gym, spa and
VIP suites - including an owner’s pad spread over two decks.
It has been designed by British boat builders, Yacht Island Design, from Derby.
One of the most beautiful bridges around the world..
Chengyang Wind and Rain Bridge, also called Yongji Bridge or Panlong Bridge,
spans the Linxi River of Sanjiang County in Guangxi province of China.
Built in 1916, it is 64.4 meters (73.43 yards) long, 3.4 metes (3.72 yards) wide and 10.6 meters (34.78 feet) high.
Constructed with wood and stones, the surface of the bridge is paved with
wooden boards and both sides are inlayed with railings. On the bridge itself,
there are five tower-like kiosks with 'horns' and eaves which resemble the flapping wings of birds.
The Mimosa Pudica (Touch me Not) plant moves when touched,
the leaves close and re-open after about 10 minutes. This sensitive plant
leafs close at night when the plant rests and they open when they wake up
with the first light of the morning
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
A boomerang is a tool developed by the Aboriginal tribes native to Australia.
It was used for hunting. Most boomerangs were simply throwing sticks that
were thrown at a selected target to kill or stun It. The amazing thing about
boomerang is that once it thrown, it can return back after hitting the target.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete. They are easily capable
of lifting or supporting 30 times its own volume and weight!
Funny pictures!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Gorillas are considered apes, not monkeys. The way to distinguish
between an ape and a monkey is that apes do not have tails
Saliva plays an important part in Digestion. But you will be surprised
to know that throughout your life, the amount of saliva that
you have produced could fill two swimming pools ..
Unless food is mixed with saliva you can't taste it.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Honey does not go bad. In fact, it's recognized
as the only food that doesn't spoil.
Japan has approximately 200 volcanoes and is home to
10% of the active volcanoes in the world.
The sunflower resembles one huge flower, but actually
a single sunflower head hosts hundreds of tiny flowers
called florets. The heads consist of 1,000-2,000 individual
flowers joined together by a receptacle base.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Not only is the rare species of bird black on the surface but it's internal organs
and even it's blood and borne are asblack as night.
Female Mackerel Fish lays about 500,000 eggs at a time.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
"Mosquitoes" are responsible for the most number of human deaths in the world.
They know no DISCRIMINATION. White, black, brown, or yellow, caste, creed, rich
or poor, and master or slave are all equally good in its sight.
The world’s most expensive coffee is made from feces
It’s called Kopi Luwak, or civet coffee, and it is the world’s most expensive coffee
at close to $160 a pound! Why is this coffee so expensive? Made in Indonesia,
civet coffee comes from coffee berries that have been eaten by the Asian Palm Civet (‘Marapatti’ in Malayalam).
Once the beans are partially digested and passed through the digestive tract,
they are harvested and roasted. Civet coffee may sound gross,
but it is supposed to be the most aromatic and the least bitter coffee there is!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Poison dart frogs are highly poisonous. The two-inch-long (five-centimeter-long)
golden poison dart frog has enough venom to kill 10 grown men.
Funny pictires!
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
If a starfish is chopped into pieces,
each piece can grow a whole new starfish.
You are taller in the morning: Throughout the day,
the cartilage between your bones is compressed,
making you about 1 cm shorter by day’s end.
It is possible for your nose to identify and remember
more than 50,000 different smells.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
There are approximately 1750 species of scorpions but only 25 of them are deadly poisonous.
Even though your brain only makes up two percent
of your total body weight, Your brain requires
20 percent of the Oxygen and Calories your body needs...
An average person laughs about 15 times a day
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
According to scientists, in the dry valleys region of Antarctica,
it has not rained in 2 million years.
Niagara Falls is the only North American landmark that
constantly is moving backward. (The rim is worn down
about two and a half feet each year because of the millions
of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
10,000 years ago ‘the falls’ was one mile down river)
In 1 square inch of skin there lies 4 yards of nerve fibers,
1300 nerve cells, 100 sweat glands, 3 million cells,
and 3 yards of blood vessels.
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
If you could weigh an average pyramid it would be
around 5,400,000 tons. The average stone block weighs
as much as 2 modern cars (2.5 tons). The largest single
stone block (in the pyramid of mycerinus ) must weigh
about 285 tons- that’s 200 to 250 cars.
The Scottish Wildcat
(felis silvestris grampia) Scotland's cat; less than 400 remaining.
Funny pictures!
Oh! My new sari !
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Freight train in Norway plowing through snow at 100kph.
Frozen waterfall, Slovenia..
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
"10000 times stronger killer of CANCER than Chemo".. do share it..
can save many lives, fill up hopes and build confidence in the patients...
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The Largest Vertical Garden in the World:
Located in Rozzano, Italy, the vertical garden at the Fiordaliso Shopping Center was recognized
by the Guiness World Records as the largest vertical garden in the world.
Covering a surface of 1,263 square meters (13,594 square feet) with a total of 44,000 plants,
the massive vertical garden surpassed the former record-holder, a vertical garden in
Madrid that covered 844 square meters (9,085 sq ft).
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Is this a mosquito?
No. It's an insect spy drone for urban areas, already in production,
funded by the US Government. It can be remotely controlled and is
equipped with a camera and a microphone. It can land on you, and
it may have the potential to take a DNA sample or leave RFID tracking
nanotechnology on your skin. It can fly through an open window,
or it can attach to your clothing until you take it off in your home..
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Healing Ability: Protein found in the venom of a Malayan pit viper can be used to treat strokes and prevent blood clots.
Backed By Science: While getting bitten by this extremely venomous snake is far from ideal, their venom has been found to be
very effective when it comes down to treating dangerous illnesses. Ancrod, a protein found in the Malayan pit viper's venom,
can dissolve stroke-causing blood clots for as long as six hours after the first symptoms of a stroke have begun. At the moment,
the venom is being used in Europe to treat patients who suffer from deep-vein thrombosis, and to prevent problematic blood clots from forming during surgery.
Cats
Healing Ability: Through their deep purring, cats have the ability to mend broken bones.
Backed By Science: Frequencies of 20-50 Hertz help speed up the healing process of bone injuries.
Therefore, feline purring vibrations, which range from 20-140 Hertz, have the power to help
heal soft tissue injuries to ligaments, muscles and tendons.
Amazing tree in Costa Rica..
FR JOSE KAIMLETT
Points to ponder!
Did you know?
Zhangjiajie, China: The Bailong Elevator is the world’s largest exterior elevator. At over 1,000 feet tall, this elevator looms high midway up a cliff overlooking a valley far below. Moreover, the elevator is mostly glass, affording passengers a dizzying view to the depths below..
Pond Slider Turtle.
These aquatic creatures can range from 5 to 12 inches in size and are encompassed by an oval carapace or hard shell. Young hatchlings have a green carapace and skin with markings and stripes dependent upon their species. With age the carapace and skin become less distinct because of the increase in black pigment.
In nature, sliders usually live in swampy areas where there is a lot of mud and vegetation, such as shallow ponds and lakesides In addition to swimming and digging in rocks and mud, sliders love the warmth of the sun, and can lazily lay there for hours, before returning to the water for a swim. Sliders are also omnivorous, although they tend to eat less meat as they grow older..
Funny pctures!
