going back...home???
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bowerygirl
Nov 10, 2009, 11:07:58 AM11/10/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
hey all~
just wanted to say hi n let u all know im heading back to the states,
new york tommorow. i guess u can say im going home but truthfully i
dont know if i know where home is anymore. honestly i have had a very
good run since i leeft thiland and for the first time since i am a
ball of nerves. im scared and feel alone and pretty raw...all the
things i thought i would have been thru and gotten past but it seems i
never do anything in the normal fashion so why would this be any
different. looking forward to seeing my dad but i gotta say this is
more scary of a flite than when i was boarding for the wat. just gotta
have hope and trust in me family and friends i have made along the
way.
hope all is well on planet FOT...will check in when i land back to
outerspace! love to all~ jenni the bowerygirl
just wanted to say hi n let u all know im heading back to the states,
new york tommorow. i guess u can say im going home but truthfully i
dont know if i know where home is anymore. honestly i have had a very
good run since i leeft thiland and for the first time since i am a
ball of nerves. im scared and feel alone and pretty raw...all the
things i thought i would have been thru and gotten past but it seems i
never do anything in the normal fashion so why would this be any
different. looking forward to seeing my dad but i gotta say this is
more scary of a flite than when i was boarding for the wat. just gotta
have hope and trust in me family and friends i have made along the
way.
hope all is well on planet FOT...will check in when i land back to
outerspace! love to all~ jenni the bowerygirl
Audrey Delaney
Nov 10, 2009, 11:58:09 AM11/10/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Fair Play to you. You are doing this yourself. You have made it this far.
For every boundary you push you find a new path. You brave enough to have
taken yourself out of your comfort zone. You have made sacrifices and
suffered. You will find it so rewarding, but that's not to say how
emotional the first few months are back in reality. Also it can feel lonely
as you are back with people who have not been through this extraordinary
experience. But that just means you have learned and gained something that
they have not had the privilege. You one up for now.
Allow your family to take time to adjust to. They don't know what you know
or feel what you have been feeling. AT the end of the day its all in your
control. Just know that any scary feelings do past. What you are feeling
are real feelings. The ones we all blocked out before. If you going to
feel the scary ones then you certainly will feel the happy ones. They are
real happy ones. Lasting ones. Not artificially stimulated ones.
It does take time to alter to your new you. But everyone who has done it
does not look back and say. "I wish I was an addict again". So you know
it's the right road.
Good luck with loads and loads of warm feelings and joyful things to come.
Be proud
Audrey
For every boundary you push you find a new path. You brave enough to have
taken yourself out of your comfort zone. You have made sacrifices and
suffered. You will find it so rewarding, but that's not to say how
emotional the first few months are back in reality. Also it can feel lonely
as you are back with people who have not been through this extraordinary
experience. But that just means you have learned and gained something that
they have not had the privilege. You one up for now.
Allow your family to take time to adjust to. They don't know what you know
or feel what you have been feeling. AT the end of the day its all in your
control. Just know that any scary feelings do past. What you are feeling
are real feelings. The ones we all blocked out before. If you going to
feel the scary ones then you certainly will feel the happy ones. They are
real happy ones. Lasting ones. Not artificially stimulated ones.
It does take time to alter to your new you. But everyone who has done it
does not look back and say. "I wish I was an addict again". So you know
it's the right road.
Good luck with loads and loads of warm feelings and joyful things to come.
Be proud
Audrey
jazz man
Nov 10, 2009, 1:38:39 PM11/10/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Jenni,
Good luck on your return flight and transition.
Remember, it is no small thing you just did, kicking and making it through the program,
now you have to work hard to protect that , and in doing so protect yourself.
Give me a call anytime, if you need to talk through anything when you get back over here.
jazzman
> Date: Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:07:58 -0800
Good luck on your return flight and transition.
Remember, it is no small thing you just did, kicking and making it through the program,
now you have to work hard to protect that , and in doing so protect yourself.
Give me a call anytime, if you need to talk through anything when you get back over here.
jazzman
> Date: Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:07:58 -0800
> Subject: [FOTM:2445] going back...home???
Jimmy
Nov 10, 2009, 6:44:50 PM11/10/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Jenni .Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that
frightens us.
One step, one breath at a time.
good luck.
Jimmy from Dublin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No virus found in this incoming message.
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07:38:00
that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that
frightens us.
One step, one breath at a time.
good luck.
Jimmy from Dublin.
----- Original Message -----
From: "bowerygirl" <mizfit...@gmail.com>
To: "Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery"
From: "bowerygirl" <mizfit...@gmail.com>
To: "Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery"
<friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:07 PM
Subject: [FOTM:2445] going back...home???
>
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:07 PM
Subject: [FOTM:2445] going back...home???
>
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.5.425 / Virus Database: 270.14.59/2494 - Release Date: 11/10/09
07:38:00
Vince Cullen
Nov 11, 2009, 12:24:35 AM11/11/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hi Jenni,
It has been inspiring to watch from afar your transformation over the last 2-years.
The Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC) said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Well, you have made the first, and most important, step of your personal Journey-of-the-Hero: -
As everyone here who is already on the second step of the journey will tell you, the real work starts when you get home. The late Phra Hans would say “Don't forget one thing: the hero is not made in those proud hours after victory, but in those long, desperate and hellish hours while he passes through darkness without giving up!”
Well Jenni, don't give up. You have your Sajja. You have your Kahtah. You have Thamkrabok and your Friends here online.
Have a safe and comfortable flight and we all look forward to hearing how you are doing real soon?
Be well and kind regards,
Vince
__________________________________
320
Like an elephant in battle
withstands arrows,
I choose to endure
verbal attacks from others.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
It has been inspiring to watch from afar your transformation over the last 2-years.
The Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC) said "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Well, you have made the first, and most important, step of your personal Journey-of-the-Hero: -
- A Separation from home and family, and all that is familiar.
- A (sometimes) frightening, difficult, but exhilarating journey, helped along by unexpected hospitality from strangers and help from mystical allies. So you face your vulnerability and break out of many youthful fears and neuroses.
- Finally, a return home: the traveller apparently the same person, but forever changed.
As everyone here who is already on the second step of the journey will tell you, the real work starts when you get home. The late Phra Hans would say “Don't forget one thing: the hero is not made in those proud hours after victory, but in those long, desperate and hellish hours while he passes through darkness without giving up!”
Well Jenni, don't give up. You have your Sajja. You have your Kahtah. You have Thamkrabok and your Friends here online.
Have a safe and comfortable flight and we all look forward to hearing how you are doing real soon?
Be well and kind regards,
Vince
__________________________________
320
Like an elephant in battle
withstands arrows,
I choose to endure
verbal attacks from others.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
gary devine
Nov 11, 2009, 1:37:34 AM11/11/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hi bg,
very best of luck on your return home,keep in touch.
garyd.
John Cox
Nov 11, 2009, 6:59:37 AM11/11/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hello Jim,
Nice to have you on the forum mate
Coxy
Sent from my iPod
On 11/11/2009, at 10:44, "Jimmy" <butl...@eircom.net> wrote:
Jenni .Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that
frightens us.
One step, one breath at a time.
good luck.
Jimmy from Dublin.
----- Original Message -----
From: "bowerygirl" <mizfit...@gmail.com>
To: "Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery"
<friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:07 PM
Subject: [FOTM:2445] going back...home???
Nice to have you on the forum mate
Coxy
Sent from my iPod
On 11/11/2009, at 10:44, "Jimmy" <butl...@eircom.net> wrote:
Jenni .Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that
frightens us.
One step, one breath at a time.
good luck.
Jimmy from Dublin.
----- Original Message -----
From: "bowerygirl" <mizfit...@gmail.com>
To: "Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery"
<friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 2009 4:07 PM
Subject: [FOTM:2445] going back...home???
hey all~
just wanted to say hi n let u all know im heading back to the states,
new york tommorow. i guess u can say im going home but truthfully i
dont know if i know where home is anymore. honestly i have had a very
good run since i leeft thiland and for the first time since i am a
ball of nerves. im scared and feel alone and pretty raw...all the
things i thought i would have been thru and gotten past but it seems i
never do anything in the normal fashion so why would this be any
different. looking forward to seeing my dad but i gotta say this is
more scary of a flite than when i was boarding for the wat. just gotta
have hope and trust in me family and friends i have made along the
way.
hope all is well on planet FOT...will check in when i land back to
outerspace! love to all~ jenni the bowerygirl
just wanted to say hi n let u all know im heading back to the states,
new york tommorow. i guess u can say im going home but truthfully i
dont know if i know where home is anymore. honestly i have had a very
good run since i leeft thiland and for the first time since i am a
ball of nerves. im scared and feel alone and pretty raw...all the
things i thought i would have been thru and gotten past but it seems i
never do anything in the normal fashion so why would this be any
different. looking forward to seeing my dad but i gotta say this is
more scary of a flite than when i was boarding for the wat. just gotta
have hope and trust in me family and friends i have made along the
way.
hope all is well on planet FOT...will check in when i land back to
outerspace! love to all~ jenni the bowerygirl
metalface from kent
Nov 11, 2009, 9:46:23 AM11/11/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
Hi Bowery,good to see you.Vince summed your situation up graphically
and very well (I thought).You have done a 'Great' thing!
You must be about 4 month now (?),and your gonna be feeling pretty
'raw' and and 'unbalanced' still,which is fairly normal. It takes
months and years to fully recover and you should expect no less.Dont
expect too much of yourself-it really is early days.Be very wary of
'old haunts' and old pals,especially to begin with.I'm not saying to
avoid them completely,I'm not even sure if thats possible (or even if
its completely 'healthy'),but be very Mindful,Wary and Aware of the
situation (Always!)...and DO NOT even allow yourself to start
considering 'use'!!!! That is the most important thing! However you
feel now it will only continue to gradually improve with time-slowly-
slowly.A 'hit' is the one thing that will F*ck all that up and put you
right back on Square 1.
"IT IS NOT AN OPTION"-repeat it like a mantra (I did).
I hope everything has been Positive so far,its very important that it
remains so-it should be-you've just 'sorted' the biggest problem your
ever likely to have and re-assumed control over your life-its not an
easy thing and many before you have failed.
I'll say it again,Bowery-dont expect too much of yourself!! (that way
you'll never get dissapointed).If you can-stick with your family (is
my advice).You are still in the 'Danger-Zone'-Tread very carefully!
Great to see you Clean and Well :).x
Mfk.
P.s.Remember-'The Only Way Not to Use..is Not to Use!' (really that
simple)
and very well (I thought).You have done a 'Great' thing!
You must be about 4 month now (?),and your gonna be feeling pretty
'raw' and and 'unbalanced' still,which is fairly normal. It takes
months and years to fully recover and you should expect no less.Dont
expect too much of yourself-it really is early days.Be very wary of
'old haunts' and old pals,especially to begin with.I'm not saying to
avoid them completely,I'm not even sure if thats possible (or even if
its completely 'healthy'),but be very Mindful,Wary and Aware of the
situation (Always!)...and DO NOT even allow yourself to start
considering 'use'!!!! That is the most important thing! However you
feel now it will only continue to gradually improve with time-slowly-
slowly.A 'hit' is the one thing that will F*ck all that up and put you
right back on Square 1.
"IT IS NOT AN OPTION"-repeat it like a mantra (I did).
I hope everything has been Positive so far,its very important that it
remains so-it should be-you've just 'sorted' the biggest problem your
ever likely to have and re-assumed control over your life-its not an
easy thing and many before you have failed.
I'll say it again,Bowery-dont expect too much of yourself!! (that way
you'll never get dissapointed).If you can-stick with your family (is
my advice).You are still in the 'Danger-Zone'-Tread very carefully!
Great to see you Clean and Well :).x
Mfk.
P.s.Remember-'The Only Way Not to Use..is Not to Use!' (really that
simple)
Vince Cullen
Nov 11, 2009, 11:08:23 AM11/11/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hi MFK,
I really like your postscript; so simple but so true.
It reminds me of another snippet from the Phra Hans book of sayings:
“The magic spell of a Sajja is that it works through keeping it.”
So Jenni, look after yourself... be gentle and give yourself lots of Loving Kindness (Metta).
Best wishes to all.
Vince
__________________________________
324
A wild elephant
when captured and bound and in rut
is restless, uncontrollable,
not eating its food.
It longs for its native forest home.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
I really like your postscript; so simple but so true.
It reminds me of another snippet from the Phra Hans book of sayings:
“The magic spell of a Sajja is that it works through keeping it.”
So Jenni, look after yourself... be gentle and give yourself lots of Loving Kindness (Metta).
Best wishes to all.
Vince
__________________________________
324
A wild elephant
when captured and bound and in rut
is restless, uncontrollable,
not eating its food.
It longs for its native forest home.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
2009/11/11 metalface from kent <boswe...@hotmail.co.uk>
Jimmy
Nov 11, 2009, 5:22:57 PM11/11/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Thank you all.
warmest greetings...
Version: 8.5.425 / Virus Database: 270.14.61/2497 - Release Date: 11/11/09
19:41:00
warmest greetings...
19:41:00
Stuart B
Nov 12, 2009, 7:49:51 AM11/12/09
to Friends of Thamkrabok Monastery
bill bloomer
Nov 12, 2009, 10:25:42 AM11/12/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
| BG , If I may suggest , the planet that reared you and the tribe that taught your monkey to dance really does not exist within your new mode. My first family gathering post detox reminded why I ever sought refuge in illusions.(getting high) We're born alone and die alone . The time between is , I believe, best spent being personally responsible for our actions. I'm glad you're admitting being scared . That is 'way normal'. Phase one recovery is simply getting the chemicals out , that is quick . Phase two recovery , that's the real deal. Learning to accept life on life's terms . Addicts don't learn that loaded. Time to get real , cowboy up and find healthy support. A twelve step program could be your best chance. Without being too dramatic , I remind you that you made a life or death pact. Sajja. I pray you find the beauty that reality affords. BB Thailand --- On Thu, 11/12/09, Stuart B <stuart....@btconnect.com> wrote: |
|
|
Vince Cullen
Nov 12, 2009, 11:27:17 AM11/12/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hi Jenni,
BB is right about the support. Take whatever is available and helpful. I seem to remember you're a NY girl? If so, the are a couple of Buddhist orientated 12-step meetings in your neck of the woods:-
I don't know if any of these meetings will appeal to you or not but at least you now know there is something out there... and don't forget to check-in here as well.
Look after yourself.
Best wishes to all.
Vince
__________________________________
325
It is a fool that overeats
and indulges in laziness,
then, feeling drowsy,
wallows in sleep like an oversized pig;
this forebodes continued suffering.
BB is right about the support. Take whatever is available and helpful. I seem to remember you're a NY girl? If so, the are a couple of Buddhist orientated 12-step meetings in your neck of the woods:-
=====================================================
New York City
Venue: New York Insight Meditation Center
Day: Monday (first Monday of each month)
Time: 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Type: Addiction and Recovery. The Buddha and Bill W. The meetings will include Buddhist meditation practices, interactive exercises, dharma talks and discussion. Meeting facilitated by Sandra Weinberg.
Address: 28 West 27th Street, 10th floor
Other info: 2500 years ago the Buddha said craving and attachment is the cause of suffering. In the 1930’s Bill Wilson started the first Twelve Step program that worked with a deep form of craving and suffering: addictions. In these monthly meetings, we will explore the ways that Buddhism and the Steps support and complement each other and can deepen our spiritual lives. The meetings will include Buddhist meditation practices, interactive exercises, dharma talks and discussion. The evenings are open to all who are interested. You need not be in a Twelve Step program nor have a background in Buddhism. The fee is by donation.
Contact: Phone (212) 213-4802 Email nyin...@earthlink.net Web site www.nyimc.org
=====================================================
Time: 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Type: Addiction and Recovery. The Buddha and Bill W. The meetings will include Buddhist meditation practices, interactive exercises, dharma talks and discussion. Meeting facilitated by Sandra Weinberg.
Address: 28 West 27th Street, 10th floor
Other info: 2500 years ago the Buddha said craving and attachment is the cause of suffering. In the 1930’s Bill Wilson started the first Twelve Step program that worked with a deep form of craving and suffering: addictions. In these monthly meetings, we will explore the ways that Buddhism and the Steps support and complement each other and can deepen our spiritual lives. The meetings will include Buddhist meditation practices, interactive exercises, dharma talks and discussion. The evenings are open to all who are interested. You need not be in a Twelve Step program nor have a background in Buddhism. The fee is by donation.
Contact: Phone (212) 213-4802 Email nyin...@earthlink.net Web site www.nyimc.org
=====================================================
Rochester
Venue: Rochester Zen Center
Day: Wednesdays
Time: 5:00pm - 6:30pm
Type: ‘Step and speaker meeting’ with an initial period of meditation
Address: 7 Arnold Park, Rochester, NY 14607
Other info: The first 30 minutes we meditate in the zendo, then have an hour long 12 Step meeting in the library. The front door is usually locked, so please ring the bell. We don’t really have a name, but we are a step and speaker meeting open to all 12 Step members who are interested in how to work the steps as a Buddhist. Since we include all 12 steppers, and use Buddhist literature at times, we cannot be an official 12 step group. We have been meeting since around 2005. The majority of our members are Buddhist of some sort, but at least a third of the regulars are either Christian or uncommitted.
Contact: Kadi Email kspr...@gmail.com
=====================================================
Syracuse
Time: 5:00pm - 6:30pm
Type: ‘Step and speaker meeting’ with an initial period of meditation
Address: 7 Arnold Park, Rochester, NY 14607
Other info: The first 30 minutes we meditate in the zendo, then have an hour long 12 Step meeting in the library. The front door is usually locked, so please ring the bell. We don’t really have a name, but we are a step and speaker meeting open to all 12 Step members who are interested in how to work the steps as a Buddhist. Since we include all 12 steppers, and use Buddhist literature at times, we cannot be an official 12 step group. We have been meeting since around 2005. The majority of our members are Buddhist of some sort, but at least a third of the regulars are either Christian or uncommitted.
Contact: Kadi Email kspr...@gmail.com
=====================================================
Syracuse
Venue: Zen Center of Syracuse
Day: Tuesdays
Time: 6:00pm - 7:00pm
Type: Buddhist Recovery Group
Address: 266 West Seneca Turnpike, Syracuse, NY 13207-2639 (Forman House Dharma Hall at the Zen Center)
Other info: From 6:00 to 6:20 p.m. meditation in the Dharma Hall of the Forman House. From 6:20 on, from within the silence, individuals may speak about their difficulties, and may elicit responses from others in the group. At around 7:00pm there will be closing meditation. Please enter and leave through the front door of the Forman House.
Contact: Phone (315) 492-9773 Email in...@zencenterofsyracuse.org
Web site www.zencenterofsyracuse.org/recovery_group.html
=====================================================
Time: 6:00pm - 7:00pm
Type: Buddhist Recovery Group
Address: 266 West Seneca Turnpike, Syracuse, NY 13207-2639 (Forman House Dharma Hall at the Zen Center)
Other info: From 6:00 to 6:20 p.m. meditation in the Dharma Hall of the Forman House. From 6:20 on, from within the silence, individuals may speak about their difficulties, and may elicit responses from others in the group. At around 7:00pm there will be closing meditation. Please enter and leave through the front door of the Forman House.
Contact: Phone (315) 492-9773 Email in...@zencenterofsyracuse.org
Web site www.zencenterofsyracuse.org/recovery_group.html
=====================================================
I don't know if any of these meetings will appeal to you or not but at least you now know there is something out there... and don't forget to check-in here as well.
Look after yourself.
Best wishes to all.
Vince
__________________________________
It is a fool that overeats
and indulges in laziness,
then, feeling drowsy,
wallows in sleep like an oversized pig;
this forebodes continued suffering.
bill bloomer
Nov 13, 2009, 7:08:24 AM11/13/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
Hello Vince
Hoping Newbury is nice.
A Chinese chill has blown in on schedule.
Meetings when we can.
Continued Metta to you and yours.
|
|
bill bloomer
Nov 17, 2009, 12:15:33 AM11/17/09
to friends-of-tham...@googlegroups.com
| WAZZUP LADDY? CHIANG MAI NOW PAI SOON --- On Wed, 11/11/09, Jimmy <butl...@eircom.net> wrote: |
|
|
|
|
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