Hey Jenni,
Thanks for being so honest (that's apart of accepting Sajja even if you didn't know it).
It's a big scary place out there when there's nowhere to hide... so I
understand how you feel right now.
You may have read recently that I'm starting a 'Meditation for Recovery' group in my local town. It's as much for my own support as it is to help anyone else who might come a sit with me. When I was checking out venues for this group there was an AA meeting about to start in the next room. I told the AA faciliator what I was planning to do and he promised to come along to a sitting himself. He said
"I've been sober for 6-years but I still can't stop the thoughts in my head". I believe mediation will help him, if he commits to it and continues to practice.
If the 12-step/mediation meetings I listed didn't jump off the page at you, there is an alternative meditation group at:
=====================================================
DPUNX NATION
Dharma Punx inspired meditation groups around the country
-NYC, NY-
Weekly meditation groups
with Josh Korda and others
Tuesdays & Thursdays
from 7-9pm drop in class
(by donation)
at the Rebel Saint Buddhist Meditation Center
302 Bowery #2 (3rd floor)
(between Bleeker & Houston in NY, NY)
www.dharmapunxnyc.com=====================================================
It's even on Bowery!
But whether you chose this group or another, you've got to do something different. If you always do the same old things, you're always going to get the same old results. You've made the change now. In Buddhism there is no permanent self, no permanent me, and trying to hang on to one is just 'suffering'. Embrace a new 'Jennie'.
One of the core teachings of Thamkrabok is : ACTIONS DO NOT DIE. So be mindful of what you decide to do next. Your Sajja and Kahtah might be on the back-burner for now but don't ever forget about them as they may just save your life again in the future.
You've got a great big blank (scary empty space) canvas of life in
front of you now and you are the painter... what are you going to paint?
Be gentle with yourself,
practice Loving-kindness for yourself, and paint yourself a bright future.
Be well and kind regards.
With Metta,
Vince
PS: ...otherwise I'll be round to crash on your sofa (the floors too hard).
__________________________________
326
My mind which was once
wild and unruly,
wandering as it wished,
I hold now in check,
as the mahout with his hook
controls an elephant in rut.
__________________________________
A DHAMMAPADA for CONTEMPLATION
http://aruno.org//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=241&Itemid=80
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