Movie script starring Lloyd.............
g.caffrey5
way to James Cameron as we prattle on.
T3
Lloyd is the Toaster from the future
Basic story line: Lloyd is sent back from the future to annoy the boolax out
of all usenet users by talking irrelevant pants, in order that he might make
some take their own lives in order to escape his mundane inane shite. And
therefore change the future which is then filled only by said nonces
Cut to opening scene:
Electrical storm clears to reveal the pathetic body of a naked Lloyd looking
like the anorexic brother of PeeWee Herman.A bin man (Unusally, doing his
job )witnesses the arrival of the Toaster.
Binman " What the hell."
Lloyd " Oooooh that smarts and i think i broke a nail.".
A naked Lloyd walks to the edge of Asdas carpark and surveys the sprawling
metrolpolis of Burger King, McDs, The Warner Village, the Esso station and
The Super Bowl.
Cut to scene two:
Lloyd approaches a group of 10 year olds on scooters.
Lead boy " Look at this wanker, it's Roger Irrelevant from the Vis."
Second boy " No it's Christopher Biggins skinny brother. Nice night for a
walk, wash day tomorrow nothing clean right."
Lloyd " Nothing clean right, well honestly thats just so INFANTILE. I need
your clothes, your glasses and the name of your Ngs."
All boys together " Fuck off you nonce......wait a minute.......... is that
red lipstick you've got on?....... RUN."
Boys flee leaving Lloyd looking around for other unsuspecting victims.
Lloyd then raids Oxfam clothes box for some nylon undies and some clothing a
Bombfire Guy wouldn't touch with yours.
Cut to a scene of the world seen through the eyes of the Toaster as he gazes
at himself in the mirror. A list of catchphrases pops up to the left of the
screen as the Toaster tried to adjust his behaviour to suit what he has
encountered so far.
Red Lorry Yellow Lorry.
I love me, who do you love.
You're just so INFANTILE.
You're nothing but a wooden top.
Whatever happens to you i've had it ten times as bad.
You're not very good at this.
I can do whatever i want.
I love stress
I love pressure
PPOSTFU
IMO
Would you like to see some puppies
I couldn't find it so you are obviously lying.
I used Google and it's not there.
Would you like a sweety little boy
I update my antivirus everyday
I just can't be bothered to talk to you anymore
Cut to corridor outside Lloyds room with fat hairy caretaker chomping on
something you should flush rather than smoke leaning with ear against door.
Care taker " Hey buddy, got a dead cat in there?."
Startled Lloyd turns toward door and looks down at his nylon undies
scratching his empty nut sack and sniffing his fingers ( something he picked
up from another Toaster called Lavi) and the above list reappears with his
pick of reponses jumping to centre screen.
Lloyd " Errrrrr.............ehhhhhhhhhhhh........ would you like to see some
puppies? Would you like a sweety little boy."
Caretaker kicks door in disgust.
Caretaker " Get the fuck out of my hotel you irrelevant nonce, i knew you
were trouble the first time i saw you."
Cut back to Lloyd using fire escape to evade more embarrassment.
Cut to scene of Lloyd entering Internet cafe, and sitting in the the corner,
where he feels safest ( with all the other anoraks).
Lloyd jumps at the sudden whoop and screech of delight from a small geeky
boy sitting opposite him.
Lloyd " What is it."
Geeky boy " WAHAAHAHA..... WELL..........
well...........wahahahahahaha......... you see he
wrote....whahahhh.........SNUH.........so i wrote FUH back
WHhahahahahahahaha......god thats so funny." ( you really had to fucking be
there, i shit you not. NOT)
Lloyd "I update my antivirus everyday."
Geeky boy " uhhhh right."
Just with that Lloyd is aware of the smell of sick lined with alcohol and
looks down to see a drunk tipped into his lap, from the next terminal,
snoring farting pissing and shitting himself all at the same time. No mean
feat i am told.
Lloyd fearing touching the smelly vagrant type person, leans over to the
vagrants terminal and reads his posts on Freeserve.Chat, freeserve.discuss,
and a few more piss poor attempts on altfan.Scarecrow. He realises that he
has found a soul mate ( after reading "well everybody likes me and they hate
you, i think") who may be able to help him on his quest. He then looks and
to his shock horror sees the sig and address for this vagrant of many bodily
functions. Here is the reason Toasters like Lloyd exist. Could he really be
the leader of the united collition of A.R.S.E.W.I.P.E.S ( of which Lloyd is
a fully paid up member, member being the operative word) of the future Lloyd
had left behind.
To be sure Lloyd recalls a legend of old, remembered from his programming
that this leader of couch spuds and freeloaders everywhere could be
identified, as he was known to be one of the few left in this time who
still stitched his name into his underwear (incase he was parted from it
during one of his many drunken stupors, or forgot who he was.) He was also
known to wallow in great self pity when more than one persons called him a
stupid prick at the same time.
Lloyd braced himself and grabbed the back of the vagrants pants. An action
he carried out in one deft move, disturbingly reassuring that he had done
this more than once in the past. He then pulled the underwear down, and once
he had broken through the, obviously quite old, crust that had formed on
said garment. He gasped not only at the reek but at the name he held in his
hands. He had found his reason for being. Everything he believed in he now
held in his hands. For in his hands he held the name of LUCKY.
Lloyd was the first of the 600 series Toasters, designed and made in the
image of their creator Lucky, 'CSM 1 smelly bastard' being the tag printed
on the right lense of his nasty Everest fitted national health specs.
For his ID photo pass showed him standing with these glasses on wearing his
bestest most favorite in the whole widest world beige sports coat with
leather elbow patches posing with a psion organiser held like a gun.. Lavi
had told him this had looked "well hard", and he had even impressed himself.
Lloyd pushed his leader back into his seat and subscribed to the same Ngs,
he then began to scrawl a whole manner of spurious boring
shite............throwing back his head and in his nonciest laugh shouted "
soon they will all be mine, the world will be mine and it all starts here in
Scarecrow
......WOOOOOOOHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...............WOOOOOOOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
"
Anoraks " What the fuck is that nonce going on about."
To be continued............Christ i hope not.
Gary
Luci
"g.caffrey5" <g.caf...@ntlworld.com> wrote in message
news:f8hN7.4793$%q6.10...@news6-win.server.ntlworld.com...
> etc>
g.caffrey5
Gary
"Luci" <lu...@satanyetagain.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:9u55pb$fqv$1...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
Grinch
> And thats just the rough draft.
And it makes you look far more stupid than I.
You must really like me Garwee to spend all that time thinking about me!!!
Thanks for the thought and attention.
You Moron.
g.caffrey5
"Grinch" <Gr...@mcleod40.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:9u5di1$mhe$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
> You Moron
> Would you like to see some puppies
> I love me who do you love
> I update my antivirus everynight
Etc etc............
Gary
g.caffrey5
fashion fitting with the script.
Gary
Grinch
"g.caffrey5" wrote in message
> >
> PS nice to see you were so dense as not only to read it but respond in a
> fashion fitting with the script.
>
Left me wondering about the author.
g.caffrey5
>
> "g.caffrey5" wrote in message
> > >
> > PS nice to see you were so dense as not only to read it but respond in a
> > fashion fitting with the script.
> >
> Yes I read half of it.
Ohhhhhhhhhh you had to leave out all the big words then......shame.
> Left me wondering about the author.
>
Ahhhhhhhhhhh bless. Sends a message saying that he is concerned about
someone thinking about him so much to write about him. Then responds with
this. DOH.
Gary
Grinch
"g.caffrey5" wrote in message >
> > Left me wondering about the author.
> >
> Ahhhhhhhhhhh bless. Sends a message saying that he is concerned about
> someone thinking about him so much to write about him. Then responds with
> this. DOH.
>
Your head really isn't screwed on properly is it.
g.caffrey5
g.caffrey5
Malfunction malfunction.
Gary
Grinch
g.caffrey5
Gary
Jocyber
g.caffrey5
"Jocyber" <dia...@nme.com> wrote in message
news:9u6g27$6k8jh$1...@ID-68958.news.dfncis.de...Ohhhhhhhhhh don't cry...........it's not a weepy. If you cry i'll not get a
GO PICTURE for T4. 2 1/2 hours of Lloyd reformatting so he can resume his
sex life and have a short tug as viri have knacked his hard drive.
Sub plot:
He's back and this time he's really mad. " Ohhhhh you awful lot I HATE YOU I
HATE YOU I HATE YOU......i'm going to scweem and scweem and scweem till i'm
ssssssssthick."
He then has to venture as far as the corner shop for another enticing packet
of Werthers, and a nother tube of rouge lippy as he's almost out.
Will he venture out.........meaning talking to real people face to face.
Will the shop keeper tell him to piss off as he's worrying the customers
again.
Will he manage to get that crispy dried log from the back of Luckies Keks
out from under his fingernails.
We shall see, depends on how well the last one did and if theres any and i
mean ANY demand for the next one.
Gary
Jocyber
g.caffrey5
character will leave a nasty memory in yer head long you have done left the
buildin.
Garynews:9u6hmm$6mdm3$1...@ID-68958.news.dfncis.de...
Jocyber
> Awwwwwwwwww thats not a no is it. A no go picture. Is it coz the lead
> character will leave a nasty memory in yer head long you have done left
the
> buildin.
I *always* have nasty memories in my head long after I have done left the
buildin'.