Funnies

[Chrome Boy]

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was
eat, drink and be Mary.

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to
inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot
of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would
like to come back as a cow". I said "you’re obviously not listening."

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years
after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.

I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you.
She said "is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied "it's me talking to the beer."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.