What Ever Happened to... Disney
kriss
produced by Walt Disney and his successors at the Disney company.
From
Mickey Mouse to Aladdin, Disney has always given us something to
laugh at, someone to cry for, something to hope for and a star to wish
upon.
Now, however, is has been revealed by the Disney corporation that the
stars of these memorable cartoons may not have been the paragons of
hope and happiness we always thought they were. Here, for the first
time ever, are the TRUE fates of your favorite Disney characters,
MICKEY MOUSE- died of venereal disease after visiting multiple
prostitutes because Minnie said "No" for 50 years.
MINNIE MOUSE- (see MICKEY)
DONALD DUCK- served as a main course at Epcot's China Pavillion.
GOOFY- assassinated during first term as President of the United
States.
PLUTO- caught by dogcatchers, put to sleep after he was never claimed.
SCROOGE MCDUCK- died in extreme poverty after being audited by the
IRS.
HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE- involved in an underground child pornography
ring.
CHIP & DALE- extracted from Richard Gere's colon.
SNOW WHITE- fell for the old "apple trick" again.
DOPEY- 'nuff said.
SNEEZY- died of pneumonia with Jim Henson.
GRUMPY- executed after gunning down 15 people in a local McDonalds.
HAPPY- killed by insane gunman at a local McDonalds.
DOC- was sued for malpractice, lived the rest of his life living
under bridges and eating out of used cat food cans.
SLEEPY- never woke up.
BASHFUL- now a stripper with the Chippendales.
MARY POPPINS- shot down over Iraqui airspace.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN- male prostitute, died of a heroin overdose.
WINNIE THE POOH- had a heart attack caused by a cholesterol level of
570.
PIGLET- gunned down in a mafia hit.
EEYORE- committed suicide.
TIGGER- accidentally bounced off the edge of a cliff.
RABBIT- died of an anyurism while watching over his garden.
ROO- smothered to death by Kanga.
KANGA- put to death by the state.
ALICE (OF WONDERLAND)- institutionalized for life.
THE MAD HATTER- died of mercury poisoning.
DORMOUSE- drowned in a teapot.
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS- guillotined during the revolution.
TWEEDLEDEE & TWEEDLEDUM- died of excessive weight loss at a fat farm.
SLEEPING BEAUTY- slept until 1986, contracted AIDS from "Prince
Charming."
CINDERELLA- killed by stepsisters and stepmother in a jealous rage.
PINNOCCIO- is now a very comfortable Ottoman.
JIMINY CRICKET- died after impacting a windshield at high Speeds.
FIGARO- strung tightly on a Les Paul guitar.
DUMBO- sucked into the engine of a 747.
PETER PAN- Christopher Robin's lover, committed suicide in despair.
TINKERBELL- caught by some kid who forgot to punch holes in the lid.
BAMBI- shot by NRA member with an AK-47. His body was never found.
BALOO- is now decorating the floor in front of a fireplace.
MOWGLI- (see HUEY, DEWEY & LOUIE)
LADY & THE TRAMP- sold to a Cantonese resteraunt.
101 DALMATIONS- sold to the Ringling Bros. Circus, were eaten by
lions.
THE RESCUERS- involved in cancer research.
TRON- someone pulled the plug out by accident.
CAPTAIN EO- had a leak in his spacesuit.
JESSICA RABBIT- backup singer for Guns 'N Roses.
THE LITTLE MERMAID- caught by Mrs. Paul's Inc.
ALADDIN- was caught stealing one too many times, is now being
traded nightly at Leavenworth for a pack of menthols.
ABU- shot into space by NASA
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
chris fae the wee toon o kirkcaldy,
in the wee place o Scotland.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~