Treat your child the way you would want to be treated.... Daily Monitor

[Sly]

Do you yell at your child or even slap them in front of other people?
This could be why she/she has a very low self esteem. Children too
have feelings and to be handled with love and understanding.


This Article was published in the daily Monitor September 8, 2011.
Written by Agnes K. Namaganda, we believe it deserves some attention
as members of the free children Forum.

They were comfortable around adults, could express themselves clearly,
were curious about their surrounding and asked intelligent questions?
These were Joshua and Sylvia Kyeswa’s three children who they had
brought down to Uganda from the US to visit their relatives, some of
whom were intimidated and disgusted with the children’s “lack of
respect” for adults.

That their parents were not doing anything to rein them in, besides
spending time answering all their questions, baffled the relatives
further. The questions were about whether the relatives were happy
with their jobs, why they had two wives and whether they took their
children on vacation.

These three children’s behavior was very far from you’re your typical
child raised in Uganda, who is plagued by low self-esteem and shyness
that is aggravated further when speaking to adults.

Why the striking difference in behavior? According to Prossy
Nakanjako, the senior Programme officer at raising voices, an
organization that teaches about children’s rights, the amount of
curiosity, creativity, and confidence, a child exhibits stems from the
way a child is treated by the adults in his life.

Effect of Public humiliation.

“If a child is humiliated, pushed around, spanked, shouted at and not
allowed
to express feelings and views, this child is likely to be less
confident,”, she says.

With the adage that children should be seen and not heard, a child is
usually not given the chance to explain why they behave in a certain
way but is quickly reprimanded without being expected to explain as
this too is considered unbecoming behavior.

A common scenario is of a child who has been performing poorly in
school or misbehaving at home and whose behavior is reported to
neighbors or visitors in the child’s hearing. Which adult can you do
this to regardless of the crime committed, without risking the loss of
relationship? But children are often embarrassed, rebuked, ridiculed,
and publicly corrected for all and sundry to hear without any
considerations for ill feelings, something which grossly affects them
emotionally according to Ms. Nakanjako.

These far-reaching effects will later manifest in as shyness, lack of
confidence, withdrawal and storytelling of disapproval and rejection.
Creativity in different spheres of life springs from a mind that is
unrestrained by fears of rejection just in case an invention does not
turn out as anticipated.

According to Nakanjako, we are not seeing many inventions in our
society because our children naturally want to please the adults in
their lives and thus they are afraid to step out. They are afraid to
do the wrong unacceptable thing.

Causes of poor child treatment

But why exactly do adults treat children with disrespect in this way?
Ms Nakanjako gives three reasons; “people do not think children feel
bad when humiliated in public and because they too were treated in the
same way (shouted at, humiliated, and pushed around by the adults-
teachers, elders and parents), as children, thus they not know
better.

Social hierarchy is such that adults have power over children. Because
they can get away with mistreating children, they misuse this power.

Somehow, when it comes to children, adults forget the teaching of
doing unto others as you would love to done to you. But if our nation
is going to have creative and confident children, then it is time we
applied this teaching to our children.

Tips for handling aggressive children

• Understanding the underlying reasons to your child’s behavior
• Step in and stop it immediately
• Lower your voice- don’t raise it
• Practice ways to defuse your child’s anger
• Teach children that aggression is wrong
• Tell your child to “use your words”
• Recognize our child’s limitations
• Be appreciative of their efforts
Ends