Jokes
A2
reply if you think that there funny or if you got jokes of your own you
can also post them in a reply.
A2
know what Politics is."
Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the
bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the
administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of
your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the
Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you
understand son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what
was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper,
the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He
went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his
father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded
by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went
back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class,
Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and
the Future is full of Shit."
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Chuck Norris doesn't check his closet for the boogeyman.
The boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris invented the spoon only to the fact that killing somebody
with a knife is too easy.
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A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple
of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is
fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out.
He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel
and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening
in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the
fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open
window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're
in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree
turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five
miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from
lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.
"Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a
simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely
useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and
from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87
degrees."
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Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred
when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existenc
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Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for
about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle
cop writing a parking ticket ...
So, I goes up to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a
break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the
second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to
write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled
insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner
...e.
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A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the
ugliest baby I've
ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and
took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that
she was agitated
and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't
say things to
insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
A2
stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
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Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a
nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down.
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Why did Microsoft give the name "Windows" to its operating software?
If you had so many bugs, you would throw it out the window too!
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Your mama is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
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Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a
word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
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A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up,
looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and
speed. He was driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated
partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball's
chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
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A guy walks into a bar.
Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."
Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh,
I will give you a free beer and $500."
So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs.
The guy walks back in.
Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"
Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse
cry."
The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's
cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse
crying. The guy comes back in.
Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?"
Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?"
Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him."
Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?"
Guy: "I showed him."
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A2
What you guys don't have any more jokes - well here you go
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Your mama is so fat, her ass has its own congressman.