Edit: Thanks for all the feedback. Me and my wife/DM put a ton of effort in each week to prepare for each session. We have kids, and a newborn and for us, dnd is our day of the week to relax and have fun. Seeing the advice given, I think I'll just ask the player if he can't handle a session that long/rp heavy.
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One of my players in my D&D campaign is almost always on his mobilephone, replying to messages etc. I've asked him if he could refrain from using his phone as I find it very distracting and it slows the pace of the game down. He doesn't see why he should put his phone away and is saying he'll leave the group rather than put the phone away. The trouble is that he's a good friend and I don't want to sour the friendship.
Tell him that you don't want to sour the friendship, but that you're not ok running a campaign where people have phones out at the table. And then offer to hang out with him some other time doing something different if playing D&D isn't going to work out for him.
Note that this answer is predicated upon the impression that the person in question is not using the phone for some important real life use (on call, responding to emergency at home, etc.) When I say to let him walk, it's because my impression is that his phone use is saying, "this game does not deserve my full attention." If there is a case of someone using a phone for something important in real life, that is obviously different.
The first thing you need to do is talk to the player again. Explain, in neutral and non-accusatory terms, why his use of the phone is frustrating to you as the GM. Have examples ready, in case he says it's not affecting anyone - for example, "When your turn comes up, I have to spend time reminding you of what's going on, even though everyone else already knows. That slows the game down for everyone and makes it harder for the other players to get things done."
Then ask him why he feels he needs to be constantly using his phone. He may have a good reason - for example, one of the players in my last campaign was sometimes on call on game days, and was required to respond immediately to messages. Or your player might be dealing with a serious personal issue that requires constant attention. If that's the case, discuss ways to work around the issue: for example, can the game be moved to a different day, where he won't need to be on the phone as much?
If he doesn't have a legitimate need to be on the phone, he may express this in ways like, "Look, it's no big deal, I'm paying attention, okay?" or "I'm only doing it when it's not my turn, it's fine." If so, then you need to see if the issue is actually that he's bored at the table. (He may not want to say this outright, since you're friends and it's not considered "nice" to tell your friend that you're bored with their game.) If he's bored or feels like there's nothing for him to do, then this is something you can address as the GM. Find ways to involve him more, so that he doesn't get bored enough to turn to his phone. (But be careful not to leave out your other players!) Ask him which parts he finds boring - maybe he lives for combat, and hates the role-playing bits. Or maybe combat is just dice to him, and he prefers to be up to his ears in intrigue. Whatever it is, work with him to get him engaged enough in the game that he doesn't need to turn to his phone for stimulation.
If he's bored at the table and doesn't want to be more involved, you may simply have a player who's there because friendship, not because he actually wants to play. If that's the case, it's better for both of you to let him walk. You say you don't want to sour your friendship by booting him, but if this keeps going on, your friendship is going to sour anyway as you get more and more irritated by him and he gets more and more frustrated. So tell him that you're glad he gave your game a shot, but that since he doesn't enjoy it enough to truly participate, it would be better for both of you if you found some other activity to do together.
tl;dr: See if the player has a legitimate reason to be on his phone, or if he's just bored and needs more involvement in the game. But if neither of those work, be prepared to let him walk for the sake of your friendship.
What I can say is that the game was -- I don't want to say boring, exactly, but we spent an awful lot of time splitting the party and doing solo scenes where one player was talking to the DM and everyone else just wasn't present. I would have two or three hours in a row of straight-up downtime because my character wasn't in the scene, and if I hadn't had my phone to entertain me I would have gone mad.
If your game has lots of splitting the party and solo scenes, and if you think your problem player is using his phone mostly during downtime, you might try altering your gaming format to engage more people more of the time.
You've made it clear that you've spoken to him about this, that it bothers you and that it slows down the game. Does the rest of the group feel this way too? If not, you may be the odd one out here. In that case, you might have to bite the bullet and enjoy the game as it is if he isn't willing to put the phone down.
He's bluffing. It's pretty clear. He wants you to feel that you need him more than he needs you. That, or he really doesn't actually want to be there, in which case you should also want him to leave. Your player group dynamic is important, and if someone doesn't want to be there, it's going to put a damper on every session.
But, if he is bluffing, you need to call it. If he says he's going to leave rather than drop the phone, then ask him to leave. At that point, depending on how much pride he has, he'll either make a compromise or he'll continue bluffing and leave, though he'll feel bad about it. In the future, he may actually consider what gluing himself to his phone means when doing anything with friends. He might even return to the group after a brief hiatus.
This is not based on my own experience, but that of a podcaster I listen to. His advice in this situation is to say nothing about using a cell phone at the table, simply stop interacting with them while they are nose-first in Facebook. If they decide to interact with the party or the NPCs, respond as though nothing happened.
These days, nearly everyone has a smartphone (and everyone except some elderly at least has a dumbphone), and services and apps exist to send messages at a predetermined time (or the GM can just prepare in advance and press when needed). You can use the messaging function for different things:
In a campaign set in our modern world (or even a futuristic world), you may even use smartphones as access to the Internet, which in turn can be used for your party members to search for information or view a video from an in-game event as backstory or even a clue.
When I do this I also strongly encourage the off-screen players to talk among themselves. Just let them RP in character with each other, you don't need to hear all of it - you can ask them to fill you in on salient details just before you bring the spotlight back to them. This relies on there being more then one off-screen character, and for those two (or more) to be near enough to talk.
If he refuses to put his phone down until it's his turn, I can tell you that it isn't because he's bored. He is just more interested in his phone than in the game. Like OCD he is addicted to his phone.
I don't know if anyone else asked this question, but does he always have his nose in his phone ? Like when he's at home, eating dinner, out with friends, in school? I have a sneaking suspicion he does. This generation has grown up in the computer era, and it's very easy to let it control your life.
You don't have to be a jerk about it but you do have to have a serious tone. Explain you're tired of his nonchalant attitude towards your requests to "put the phone away and participate COMPLETELY". His actions have become a distraction to the other players and his inability to keep up with the happenings of the game is more than a little frustrating. Therefore; he has given you no other choice other than say, "I'm asking that you step down as a player or you will be forced to remove him from the game." He has a choice, leave with honor or...
If he is indeed a good friend he should understand and hopefully concede. Remind him that this has been an ongoing issue and he should have been aware that his phone obsession was creating problems. Hopefully this won't harm your friendship but if it does than maybe he wasn't the friend you thought he was. It's like when someone owes you 50 bucks then drops off the face of the earth. It's a good thing because it only cost you 50 bucks to get rid of that loser.
Does anyone know of a gadget which is not too big or expensive which could take podcasts and a few tunes, but on which i could make the odd emergency call or text? I don't like carrying my smart phone and ipod which jiggle aroud as i run along with my house key and emergency pound coins in my little running belt. They are also attractive to thieves. I could just use my phone but even that on its own is quite bulky and an expensive item. Suggestions welcome!
I use a Nokia 113. I bought it from tesco for 35 (unlocked) but I think you can get them a bit cheaper if you go for their network. It's now my old phone but perfect for taking out. FM radio, MP3 player, texts and calls & the feature I now use most which is the interval timer. You can set 10 intervals of any time with a name so I have x secs walk then y secs jog & so on.
Battery will last a loooong time if you're used to a smartphone, takes a micro sd card for more memory if you want to load mp3s, removable battery & actual buttons. I'd be very surprised if a thief would even entertain the idea of taking this off you! I run with a little dab radio in my pocket & the phone in my hand & never even had anyone look twice at it.
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