IP Development Thread

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Tyler Fermelis:

Here is a recap of what was discussed tonight, as well as the intro
text I wrote, edited to Dante's comment to fix perspective of main
character being the narrator.

WORLD
-two worlds
-strong ties/power plays between the two
-means of travel through conscious thought/some sort of concentration
ritual/process
-second world options are a place of enlightenment, or the unconscious
mind, or the inner self, or?
-due to your mentor's teaching methods, you are restricted in your
travel between worlds. restriction tbd
-as game progresses you learn on your own (self-discovery) allowing
you less hindrance in traveling between worlds
-France, 1209-1229 (Crusades,Witch-hunting,glorification of
philosophers)


CHARACTER
-character is the narrator
-this creates strong initial attachment/intimacy with character
-we hear character's inner dialogue (great chance for intriguing
dialogue, character expression, and sarcasm/humor!)

FOCUSES
-make sure we don't preach.
-no direct affiliation to religion or religious beliefs, even though
we can small draw parallels to beliefs or ideas.
-no historical characters, although we can draw from people's
personalities indirectly.



RUDIMENTARY INTRO
I have a dream, and as wild as it stirs in my eyes, as it pulses my
hands into expression, it will live. My vision is of peace, so listen
carefully.
I would like to talk about the things that are unseen all around us.
The Ghosts of Many. How a bird in flight gives form to a formless sky,
sculpting the wind with its wings. We commonly think of magic as the
art of creating illusions. Real magic however, is that which destroys
illusions.
I could speak now of the Cathars(replace with fictional name here) or
the haunting reality of my dreams, but for that story, I must start
somewhere else, before the storm.

"Close your eyes, (character name) concentrate. What do you
see.?" (screen fades to white)

"I see nothing."

"Nothing, what do you mean nothing? You must see something....What
color do you see at least?

"White, everything's white."

"(pause) Concentrate."

(still white screen, music slowly builds up. Slowly an environment
comes into view.)

[Gera Gundorov]

Focuses:

I'm all for not preaching or overdoing it with religious babble, but
I'm having doubts about setting up the story without referencing
historical figures. If it's a parallel universe for example, it can
work to play off of real personalities without bringing historical
accuracy into the scheme of things. But if it is set in our world,
12th c., then you won't be able to avoid all correlation.

Why is the character being pursued? - this question alone will put us
in the position, where we have to present an explanation to the
gamers. Having said that, I want to point out that these historical
figures would need nothing more than a mention. They don't have to be
actual characters in the game.

Or is the plan to have the story set in this environment, without
actually mentioning what time frame this is happening in? Just using
the period for our own development purposes and not for players to
know about it?

Gera

[Chris Lum]

Mixed feelings on this. It seems that using the historical setting
will inevitably invite comparisons between our system and religion,
simply because the setting has the overture of a religious crusade
(even if the truth is far from that). In that sense, it would almost
be better to use a more fictionalized version of this time period to
really get across that this is just a backdrop and atmosphere, not the
focus of the game itself.

On the other hand, as I mentioned before, any time we drawn in
historic periods into games or movies, our market usually caters to
people who are interested in history. They will largely expect to
see, hear, or interact with elements of this time period. I liked
Dante's idea of near the end of the game where players find themselves
having to get out of their own witch trial. This lends some
historical flavor to our game that would not have nearly as much
impact if it were largely fictionalized.

I'm tempted to go with this kind of middle-ground: providing a
historical setting, ie, the locations could be close to actual regions
the crusade took place in, the named movers and shakers of the world
represented only in passing mention (ie, any historical people who
were crucial to the period), but entirely fictional NPCs that the
player will actually interact with. Also, obviously the game system
itself would be highly fictionalized, and we would have to represent
this in a way that it would seem not entirely implausible in the
setting (ie, providing some backdrop that powers like these are rare,
but not impossible early on to establish suspension of disbelief -- I
think Tyler had a good start with his introduction scene). Otherwise,
it would be like watching a historical epic and then suddenly without
warning everyone starts using bullet-time with no prior mention or
instance of it being used and the filmmakers expect everyone to buy
into it :P

[dantef...@gmail.com]

I'm pretty much in agreement with Chris. I wanted to use this period
and place in time as a setting for the game, but not directly. Really,
I like the idea of borrowing the essence of that moment in history
without directly referring it. Just the fact alone that our character
is not catholic and would be the student of philosophies that go
directly against church doctrine in a Crusade setting would drive the
stake too far with direct reference. Even though we are open minded
and curious and accepting people, does not mean that everyone else is.
I think that taking making the story in direct reference to what
happened will make it seem like we are in favor of one religion or
another, and not show the real ideas behind what each of us will
contribute in logic and understanding and critique of society.

With fictional characters and fictional societies, we can more
directly focus on the heart of what it is we want to say and tell a
story, instead of worrying how to rightly phrase this part of the
story because it contains sensitive historical data. So in that sense
too, I am for fictional characters without mention in passing of
reputable figures.

These are the kind of figures we are talking about: Papal Legate
killers, the Pope, greedy nobility leading armies of people to sack
their neighbors for their wealth, etc... Mentioning these people will
remove their fame and by showing what really happened would give them
infamy. Do we want to directly do that? Or do we want the more
intelligent and curious players to ask us or research and find this
out on their own. A lot of games take this route.

For a recent one, look at Freedom Fighters. This game was made after
the start of the Iraq War. Russia, in a secretive post cold war
movement, bombs every major city in the US and takes it over. You, the
player, as an American, survive the chaos and run out to the streets
in panic looking for others for help. You have a run in with enemy
soldiers and kill them. Then you meet up with a patriotic group of rag
tag rebels to retake checkpoints throughout your city and win it back
for America. This game is a huge statement on the Iraq War, putting
you as the player in the shoes of an Iraq Civilian that got bombed and
joined a resistance movement. It flies under the radar by disguising
itself as a patriotic game, when in reality it is saying "Hey, those
are real people over there that got invaded and are panicking." I'm
not making a personal statement about the war, just referring to the
fact that the game used an alternate reality with substituted names to
get across their point. It is real literature when it takes a deeper
level to tie that together into something that reflects the real
world.

I'm interested to hear other thoughts on this. Tyler?

[Gera Gundorov]

My mom always tells me "god is in your heart, that is the house of
god". She only found god a few years ago, and doesn't go to church
when she needs to talk to him. How about having the hero not belong
to any sect, Cathar or Christian? He could still have faith and
beliefs, without having to put the player in the shoes of either
groups. He doesn't go to pray to the Crucifix as a Christian, or
ritually cleanse himself like Cathars would, but that should not
affect his credence or interfere with us implementing his "magical"
powers.

Thoughts?

Gera

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

I must say I'm in strong agreement with Chris on the fictional topic,
and I would add that with a few precautions, I do not think that a
middle ground will really be that tricky to find. My main reason for
supporting this is one that Dante hit on, that this allows us to focus
on our story, and what we want to say, without worrying about fact and
time line and all these matters.
George, I can't think of how our character's "personal" faith would
hurt our ability to tell this story, I only see it strengthening
something different and unique about our protagonist. Even the bible
says that "god is in your heart," in the gospel of thomas it talks
about the kingdom of god being within, but damn, that message sure
doesn't get pushed in modern religion. I think having the character
have his own faith will connect the player to him more, and make the
player not feel preached to. I also could see us having the character
belong to a group, but not believe in certain parts of the groups
thoughts. Through his journey, he would fully discover his own path.
This feels like a powerful and effective route as well for the
following reasons:
In the end, the character still doesn't belong to any sect, he is his
own being.
It's a great way to introduce character progression, as he becomes his
true self, he harnesses more and more his special ability.
People relate to this because it is how life works, for everyone. You
are born into a sect, your family. They teach you the way things ARE.
As we grow, we discover that the way things ARE is but a perspective's
painting, and we pick up a palette to start coloring a new reality.
Hmmm, so after thinking this through, I think maybe it is a better
idea to have him part of some sort of group, and to detach himself
from the group as game progression occurs. It also gives the player a
feeling of belonging right of the bat, and perhaps the intrigue of
betrayal when he "splits" from the group if this occurs unpleasantly?
all depends where we go....
thoughts?
-Tyler

[Gera Gundorov]

Sorry for the misunderstanding Tyler, but I think we are both saying
the same thing here, as far as faith goes. I was not trying to
disagree. It would not hurt the story either way, we can spin it
whichever way is best for the game and character development. As far
as belonging goes, once again, it's a matter of preference. Gamers
can start off neutral and move in whatever direction they choose, or
start being a part of something, then breaking away. I think this is
something we can decide on once we get to writing the story. Or, as
an alternative, we can have a choice of alliances at the beginning of
the game, like many RPG games do. That would complicate things... and
it's kind of getting old as well, so many games have done that in the
past.

As far as fictionalizing the world our character will inhabit, I
feel it's better to either stick to history or create a world that is
not our own at all, just has the same type of events playing out. For
example, if we don't want to reference real historical figures, but
want to borrow from them and set it in OUR world, by calling pope
innocent the 3rd - big daddy joe shmoe the 16th :) , people will just
roll their eyes. Ok, maybe not the masses, but the reviewers would.
They usually know a thing or two, and if not, would probably do a
background check. More and more people turn to them before they dish
out the money for a game, and bad publicity if something we want to
steer clear of.

In that case it might be better to create our own world all together.
It's not a Tolkien kind of a world, we won't have such massive a
scale, but a fraction of one. We can have absolute liberty in our art
direction, if that was the case. We can even make up our own
religions based on our world. It would be something that players will
be able to relate to and have a "fresh" experience with at the same
time.

What do you think?

G

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Good discussion guys. I like Tyler's idea about starting in a group
and then breaking off with story progression. Just the act of leaving
this world for another could be considered an insult to the group.

As far as the 'real' world in game goes, I think we are going a bit
off track and letting this get overwhelming. Why not just be
influenced by this time in history to create a virtual environment
that can be interpreted as from that time, but not directly reference
it? We should stick to the easier paths with this, and once again,
focus more on story and not on research.

And don't forget, we have to create the world with magic too.

Maybe if some of us can come up with writing samples of how to start
the game, we can critique each other and figure out what we want to
keep for moving forward on each draft of the intro until we all agree.

[dantef...@gmail.com]

From Inventory Thread:

Gera Gundorov:
After reading through your posts, I find myself somewhere in between
on the issues of economy and inventory. When the player goes into the
spirit plane, are there apparitions or any kind of anomalies there ---
> A-la-Lord of the Rings? Or does he simply disappear and reappear at

another location? I would find that kind of strange to be honest, but
then again, I'm not really aware of the powers you all had in mind for
him.

If the former is something along the lines of what you considered,
the character might possess a limited number of vessels that can trap
these various anomalies and you would have a counter over the vessel
image(1-99, for example). Players can only stack similar creatures
per container, forcing them to choose which to collect. That would
free up the inventory slots and will give those players who like
gathering booty an opportunity to do so. Maybe they can play a role
similar to his physical weapons/armor. They can sway the reliance
system towards the plane side, as weapons/armor would do the
opposite.

Is the hero infamous in his world, or a nobody? Will people
recognize him in the streets, or does he approach everyone himself?

As the Crusaders and Cathars roamed the lands and religion ruled
all, there were still people practicing the dark arts. The players
might be able to trade these spirits they capture in exchange for
items that progress the game, grant you access to special areas, etc.,
thus creating a sort of a fake trade of goods/services economy. And
it would add another layer to gameplay, when players would have to
locate, by whatever means, these individuals.

Perhaps the character can unleash these captured spirits in the real
world, who would materialize temporarily and scare the nickers off the
pursuers/attackers. A non-physical attack. That could create an
action atmosphere with out having to actually fight in the game.

What do you think?

G

Tyler:

Good thoughts. I think the character should be more of a nobody. It's
more rewarding to be a somebody in the end of a game if you started as
a nobody, as cliche as it seems. In general, I think this would suit
us better. George, to catch you up with what we've discussed, we had
stated the the other world was in fact another place, but that in no
way is set in stone. In fact, the other world is probably the thing
we've set in the least amount of stone, and would do well to
develop...
I personally like the idea of being transported to another place,
however am open to all opinions and would love to hear more. I like
the idea of a captured spirit to scare someone in real world. Either
way we go, we could implement that if everyone likes, as a way to pass
some part of the game. I like the idea of scaring someone in
particular who gives the player subtle clues about their phobia. This
seems more fitting to the adventure theme of specific memorable
moments than that of an rpg, ie: kill lots of similar things (ghosts)
and scare lots of people, to get lots of gold.

[Gera Gundorov]

The intro that Tyler wrote up, is that something we want to use, or
spin off of? I like it, why not have that be the beginning? If we
want to reference that era, I'm definitely going to have to do some
reading up, which is not a problem for me at all. I can continue
where Mr. T left off and post it up, then go from there, revise it,
etc. Is that cool?

G

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Sounds good to me. I think maybe one person or more should continue
where that intro ends as well, which is the other world, and we could
get some drafts of what that could be like as a first visceral
feeling. I think the first thing you see there is important to be
visually appealing..

[Gera Gundorov]

Here are some names I was thinking for the main Character:

Arnajud <-- old French
CÔME <-- from the greek "cosmos", might be cool, in line with the
story :)
Corba <-- old French
Deodat <-- from latin Deodatus, means given to God
Esme <-- Esteemed or Loved, in old French
Etienne <-- my fav., so far
Guillaume <-- for William, very common, maybe not a good idea?
GAËL <-- Blessed and Generous
Juste <-- Just in old French, too obvious?
Maxime <-- from Maximus
Nicephore <-- Carrying Victory
Pons <-- old French version of Pontius
Roch <-- sounds cool, but didn't come into play until the 14th c.
Valere <-- to be Strong
Yann <-- a form of John

There's plenty more, but I tried to find names that (a) don't sound
too common and aren't well known and (b) come from before or around
the time of our setting

For the sake of moving forward, I'm going to roll with Etienne,
because I love that name, but don't hesitate to change it at any point
('cuz it is a pretty common name)

Also, contribute some ideas of how you envision this other plane. Is
it like Lord of the Rings - semi-translucent and airy, or Sour Reaver/
Prince of Persia 1-2 - where it goes from habitable to dilapidated?

Gera

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

I'm down with Etienne. Gael sounds cool as well as to me. As far as
other world, I envisioned it as neither soul reaver or prince of
persia, but kinda like longest journey......ish? What I mean is a
different place, not a gloss or film over the camera and location is
the same. But everyone should envision as they see, and share, so we
can see what works, and what will cause problems..

[Chris Lum]

Here's some quick brainstorms for possibilities to consider or take
pieces from:
I liked one of our earlier discussions when we were thinking of doing
something with the mind and how it perceives things. The other plane
would look almost entirely different than our world, and would be more
detached, surrealistic representation of the real world, with maybe
the only realistic looking objects as foci for re-entering the real
world..think like a Dali painting only the most realistic object in
the scene allows the player to get back to the real world.

It could be tied with an emotion, or a general sense of atmosphere.
Something that may be beyond our tech would be to have the other plane
directly affected by the player's knowledge or strength of connection
to it. For example, if the player is still influenced by the mentor's
perception of the world, it may look more like he perceives the world,
filled with possibly fear of persecution.

Or, if the player has yet to really learn to free the character's
mind, it may indeed take on that LotR-filtered look, since the
character cannot quite separate himself from reality, but has taken
the first steps. It's like when you're day dreaming, and you can't
quite silence the voice in your head that says, "that's not possible",
or, "it wouldn't have happened like that". To represent this, the
player would see the current environment, but with the LotR filter,
and probably a world populated by vastly different entities and
governed by slightly different rules/laws of nature. Once the player
has taken more steps towards freeing their mind, it becomes more like
an actual dream. People don't often question dreams, or they just
roll with whatever weirdness comes their way. The environment would
take on the aforementioned surreal tone, and seem like a world apart
from our own, or a mix of reality and surrealism. Perhaps a final
step would be closer to what we discussed about a "Nirvana-like"
state. The final step becomes when the player has obtained full
knowledge and is the "Master of Two Worlds". This would be like lucid-
dreaming, which is something that I've experienced quite often. You
are aware enough to realize you are in a dream that is playing out
before your eyes, and have the ability to take control over it, yet
everything seems plausible. It's like watching a movie you've seen a
dozen times, you kind of know what's going to happen, but instead you
say, "nah, I'm gonna go and do this with it instead" and then it
reacts and grows with you. In the other plane at this stage, the
player is in a vastly different representation of our world, but has
full access to powers and possibilities within this realm.

One thing to consider apart from all the brainstorming stuff above is:
do we want a Prince of Persia-like system, where you can zip off into
this realm at any time, or a more story driven ability or ability
defined by set node placements in the world where the player can
access the power? The difference in design being, if we have the
player able to move back and forth at will, then the other plane will
need to adapt and react to whatever is happening in reality; otherwise
the two will seem like 2 different games and have no relation to each
other. If it's story driven, or if the player can enter whenever they
want but needs to enter the other plane in order to progress in
reality as well, then we can plan puzzles around needing to access
both at some point -- ala, using the mirror to get to the Dark World
in Link to the Past but then hopping back to the Light World to get
past certain obstructions.

Sorry for the long, jumbled post guys, when I brainstorm it all comes
out in stream-of-thought.
-Chris

On Jan 23, 7:14 pm, Tyler Fermelis - Artist <tferme...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Gera Gundorov]

I really like where Chris is going with this. I vote on having the
ability to move between the two worlds locked down by us, based on the
story; it would feel more like an adventure game to me. They are a
bit linear in that sense and to tell a solid story, you usually need
players to follow a stiff path (cleverly disguised, of course). I.e.:
you can run around the environment all you want and collect items or
talk to people at your will and order, but there shouldn't be more
than 1, maybe 2 ways of getting through to the next part. Multiple
paths would create more work for all of us and it might dilute the
story that we're trying to convey. When I tried GTA, i lost interest
quickly. I can go anywhere and do anything, but the whole story is
assembled out of jigsaw puzzles and by the time you get to Z you
forget what happened at C and what you had to do in G. So all you do
is run around and blow brains out. Yupee!!! :-/

I'll try to work on the story based on Chris' suggestions and we'll
correct it as we go. Keep the ideas coming guys. Good stuff.

Gera

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Off Chris' post:

Real time interactive environmental changes sound really cool, and
imaginative, but unfortunately I'm gonna have to throw down the tech
hammer and say we can't do that. Sorry Chris :(. I'd love to do
something like that in the future, but I won't be able to do that for
this project's scope.

Off Gera's post:

I could go either way if convinced enough on how travel is done. Story
based makes it easier to implement, but Tyler also had a cool idea
that you could only travel in certain locations if you have a certain
object or something that you relied on. Then the character grows and
learns to shed that reliance on it. I like the idea of the character
growing and becoming independent.

----------------

Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with 2 completely different
looking worlds. If it feels like 2 games... well, wouldn't 2 worlds
feel like 2 realities? One thought I had was maybe playing with the
art techniques for each world. Like, if the real world looked like a
regular game, but the other world was like hard-colored textures, like
cartoon looking or something. Anyone ever played XIII?

[Chris Lum]

Hehe no worries Dante! The reliance idea is still cool, and something
that as you know I'd already played with a little in terms of
inventory. I would like to keep the reliance system in some form or
another, even if not in inventory since I also like the idea of the
character growing out of his needs for material foci.

I'm fine with the 2 worlds looking vastly different, as I mentioned
with the whole dali/reality example. We would just need to make sure
that there are still things linking the two so the player won't feel a
complete disconnect (ie, it's fine for the character to experience the
complete disconnect at some stage, since that is the goal to free his
mind in some way, but the player should feel like the actual game is a
complete whole.) Whether this comes out in terms of gameplay,
abilities that affect both worlds, NPCs, story, etc., remains to be
determined.

Remember the example I gave about that source mod? It's called Iris,
and was meant to be a demonstration of a single gameplay mechanic -
time traveling between your "sunny childhood" and the "bleak,
dystopian future", as opposed to an actual full mod. Anyway, what I
liked about it was the idea of flashing backwards into almost a
childhood, rosy colored memory/time period, but being able to grab
stuff out of it or move it around, or bring it back with you to the
cold, harsh future that is your current life. Brief, video about Iris
(ignore the slightly amateurish review): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezWS9u94ED4

Something to take away from this is how the two worlds connected to
each other, not necessarily the looks, but by gameplay mechanics: In
the present, you see a guy's store being destroyed by government
soldiers because he owns a radio (outlawed for some reason -- it's not
important, the designers said they just came up with random stuff to
display the gameplay mechanic). Knowing that, you can jump to your
childhood, grab the radio and then put it in someone else's store.
Jumping back to the future, you find that the other store is now being
destroyed by government soldiers, and you're now free to get into the
original store in the future. The two worlds should connect, if not
in looks, then in gameplay.

Thoughts?

[Gera Gundorov]

Scene 1 – the Cell

--Montage with the following VO, cutting between Etienne (protagonist)
and Gael (the mentor) sitting in a cell (characters’ location should
be obscure to the audience at this moment)
---- I have a dream, and as wild as it stirs in my eyes, as it pulses

my hands into expression, it will live. My vision is of peace, so
listen carefully.

---- I'm talking about the things that are unseen all around us. The
ghosts of many. How a bird in flight gives form to a formless sky,

sculpting the wind with its wings. We commonly think of magic as the
art of creating illusions. Real magic however, is that which destroys

them.
---- I could speak now of the Shunners or the haunting reality of my

dreams, but for that story, I must start somewhere else, before the
storm.

Gael: Close your eyes Etienne, concentrate. What do you see?
(Screen fades to white)
Etienne: I see nothing.
Gael: Nothing? You must see something... What do you see?
Etienne: White, everything's white.
Gael: (Pause) Concentrate.
(Screen still white, music slowly builds up. Gradually an environment
comes into view)

Scene 2 – the “Other” Cell

--It is still the same cell, but unrecognizable. The stonework is now
massive, bulging, twisted trees, bare and littered with thorns. Cell
bars are a spider web of thick barbed vines, resembling a loosely
woven bird’s nest. The chamber outside the cell is a gloomy meadow,
the fire pit - a glowing orb. The torture devices in the back of the
room are contorted statues, grinning, howling, screaming. A forest
looms behind them.
--Aglae (Etienne’s sister, means splendor, beauty) is standing in the
center of the heath. Etienne’s eyes widen. He reaches to her. 20’
separate them. 2 soldiers slowly materialize, hastily heading away
from Etienne, directly at her. They run right through the vines. She
falls to her knees, slouching to one side. Etienne jump up to his
feet.
Aglae (almost whispers): No, I didn’t do anything. Please…
--The soldiers approach her, take her one on each side, stand her up
and head into the forest (into the chamber wall, basically) past the
grotesque statues. She’s still facing Etienne as they carry her
away. Her feet are almost dragging.
Etienne (screams): No!! Aglae! Stop!! Where are you taking her?!
--He runs up to the blockade, vines prevent him from following. Barbs
dig into his arms as he forces them through the openings. He keeps
reaching and calling for her, blind to the pain.

Scene 3 – Outside the Bastion

--A small fleet approaches the bastion, full sail, flags drawn. Dawn
is but a sliver on the horizon and the ships are still engulfed in
darkness.

Scene 4 – the “Other” Cell

--Etienne lowers his arms. His head hangs, staring into the floor.
Blood trickles down his arms. His fists clench.
Gael: You have to let it go Etienne. Nothing can be done. Anger
only stalls your progress.
--Etienne looks over at the old man. Gael’s eyes slowly glaze over
black. His hair, beard and dingy, worn clothes flutter as if in the
wind. His voice distorts as he speaks.
Gael: You must learn to let go. I’ve taught you everything I can, but
this… it is all in your hands now. You must conquer it… to be free.
--Gael is glowing now. His hair and beard are fire.
Etienne: They took her away, and for what?! An empty accusation of a
jealous neighbor, who envied her happiness? She was so young, so in
love and that hag… that old, squeaky rat snuffed out the light in her
life with but a word!
--Noise of approaching guards (snaps them out of their trance).
-Jump Cut-

Scene 5 – the Cell

--Etienne is sitting where he was at the beginning – he is neither
cut nor bleeding; Gael is kneeling next to him, in his normal form.
The cell is back to its original shape (this should be the first time
players would see where the characters really are). The torture
devices are stained with yesterday’s victims. Pokers glow in the
flame of the fire pit. Loose hay litters the cell floor. A hole in
the floor the size of a melon serves as a toilet. The sun is nearing
dawn.
--The old man gets up, turns around, closes his eyes and, after a
moment, phases back into his cell, adjoining Etienne’s. Hay twirls
through the air in his trail. He sits back down in his usual place.
Closes his eyes and dips his head. Etienne is still trembling with
anger. He takes a deep breath and composes himself.
--Three guards come in (Harasser, Skinny and Shorty – to keep it
simple). They are carrying their rations for the day.
--(Interactive)-- A game of words plays out between Etienne and the
guards. Harasser starts picking at the dry loaf of bread, which is
the prisoners’ meal, while badmouthing Etienne. The other two are
there for the chuckles. Players need to say the right things within a
certain time, or all will get eaten. If successful, the guard will
break the loaf in two, tossing one half into Etienne’s cell.
[A] -- If the “bread” game was won, Harasser then walks over to
Gael’s pen and tries to do the same with him. Gael doesn’t wiggle a
whisker, eyes closed still. Realizing his attempts at more
entertainment are fruitless, sour-faced, he tosses the rest of the
bread in. It bounces up to Gael’s feet.
[B] -- If the “bread” game was lost, Harasser walks up to Gael’s cage
and gives him some tongue, but to the same result – Gael ignores him.
-- Meanwhile, Skinny walks over to a barrel near the pit, gets two
filthy tin mugs and fills them with stale water out of the keg. He
hands one to Harasser, who puts it down by the cell bars. Then Skinny
walks back to Etienne’s chamber and sets the mug down, then shoves it
with his foot towards the prisoner, spilling half of it. Grins.
Harasser walks back over to the group.
[A] -- If the “bread” game was won:
Harasser: You should learn from him, maybe your portion would have
been bigger.
[B] -- If the “bread” game was lost:
Harasser: I think the bag of bones is dead. He hasn’t left that spot
in two weeks. If he starts to stink… well, you just enjoy that.

Scene 6 – Ship Deck POV

--A catapult (or something similar) is getting loaded. The sun is
clipping the top of the bastion. The small village at its heels is
still sleeping.

Scene 7 – the Cell

--A rat runs up to the lump of bread and starts sampling. Etienne
gets up and walks over to pick it up. The rat doesn’t care, keeps
feasting. The guards smirk. Etienne bends down to get it.
--The rooster cock-a-doodles. The rat takes off, spooked. A head-
sized boulder crashes through the cell window, knocking one of its
bars out. It hits the cell door, bending it slightly, and chips into
pieces. The busted out bar hits Harasser, knocking him out cold and
lands back in the cell. Etienne ducks, covering his head with his
hands. (That should all play out almost simultaneously). Gael
doesn’t flinch.
Shorty (shouts): Holy mother of…
--He runs out the way they came in. Skinny stands there, startled,
looking at Harasser stretched out on the floor. After a moment Shorty
runs back into the chamber. He glances at Harasser, then back up at
Skinny.
Shorty (growls): What are you standing there for?! We’re under
attack! Come on!
--Skinny looks up at the gaping hole between the window bars. (The
window is right under the ceiling).
Skinny: But what about the prisoners? He can get out now.
--Shorty bends down, takes off Harasser’s sword and key ring,
straightens out, drilling Skinny with his eyes. Fuming.
Shorty: And what? Climb this slimy wall to the ceiling just to jump
to his death? Come on you idiot, they need us out there!! The
Shunners are retaliating!
--Skinny hesitates, looks back and forth at Etienne and Shorty, then
they both dash out of the chamber. Etienne looks over at Gael, who is
still motionless. Panicking voices reach the cell. The town has had
a rude and loud awakening.
--(Interactive)-- Here the players have to find a way to get out.
They need the window bar and a good shaped, chipped piece of rock from
the wrecked projectile. Then they need to pull Harasser over to the
pen and strip off his clothes, short of his knickers, of course (we
should set up the camera angles, so we don’t actually see the process
– otherwise it would be a pain, work-wise, for us). If they examine
the clothes, they would see that’s they’re falling apart at the
seams. They need to rip it up into strips (minigame?) When they
start doing so, Gael speaks up.
Gael: Hurry, my son. Time is on their side.
--(Interactive)-- After he rips up the clothes, players need to bind
them together end to end. That would make a crude rope, 3-4 dozen
feet. They tie one end to the bar and another to the rock. Then they
tuck the bar perpendicular to the rods of the cell and throw the rock
out the window opening (another mini-game?)

Scene 8 – At the Base of the Bastion

--A guard stands on duty, warily looking out to the sea, as the
bombardment continues. Itching to get into action. A rock comes in
view, swinging at an arc towards him. He freezes. The rock plasters
him against the wall. He drops like a sack. The rock comes to a halt,
dangling a few feet off the ground.

Scene 9 – the Cell

--Etienne tugs at the rope, it’s tight, he can climb to the window.
He looks over at Gael.
Etienne: Come on Gael, let’s make our getaway. They will be far too
busy to worry about us.
--Gael looks up at him, smiles with his eyes through the bars.
Gael: I’m staying here. But you must make haste.
Etienne (dreadfully): No!! You must come. There’s still so much I
don’t understand. Come quickly.
--Etienne motions for him to come. Gael smirks, shakes his head.
Gael: Do you think these walls stopped me from leaving this dreadful
place? This IS my escape. Escape from the horrors of that (he points
outward) world. I’m old and tired. I fulfilled what was written for
me. I’m ready to rest.
Etienne (pleading): Your story doesn’t have to end here Gael.
Please, I beg of you, come with me!
Gael: Go my friend, leave this place at once. My mind is set. Go.
Now!
[A] -- If the “bread” game was won, Etienne walks up to the bars and
passes Gael his half of the loaf. Gael leans in and takes it. Nods.
Gael: My last meal is a bountiful one. I will enjoy it.
--Etienne smiles, semi-miserable.
[B] -- If the “bread” game was lost, Gael looks up at him.
Gael: If only I could have had my last meal, oh what a joy it would
be.
--Etienne’s head drops.
Etienne: I’m sorry. I should have been more wise. Forgive me.
--(interactive)-- Players then climb the rope to the window.

Scene 10 – Outside the Cell Window

--Etienne sticks himself out of the opening and looks up, then down.
The roof is a few feet away, the ground - 30 feet down. The guard
still lays there. A villager runs by and steals the sword, looks at
the rock, then up at Etienne for a moment, then takes off without a
word.
--(interactive)-- Players have the option to try and climb up, but
Etienne almost slips and falls, after which he would say “I’m not
trying that again” or “no way”. Players must proceed down. He
rappels down the wall. A boulder crashes into a wall 20 feet away
from him. He shields his eyes from the ricocheting shards.

Scene 11 – at the Base of the Bastion

--Etienne hops down to the ground. He straightens up and comes face
to face with a man. He has his hands full with stuff stolen in the
turmoil of the attack. They stare for a moment. The Thief readies to
scream for help.
--(interactive)-- Players must talk him out of calling for the
guards. The game plays off of the fear that this man will be caught
stealing, if the soldiers do come.
[A] -- If the “call for help” game was won, the Thief takes off,
shifty eyed and hurried. Etienne carefully heads towards the huts,
disappearing behind one. Two soldiers run by, towards the battle
grounds, but Etienne and the Thief are out of sight.
[B] -- If the “call for help” game was lost, the man yells for help
and Etienne jets towards the huts, disappearing behind one. Two
soldiers running to the battle grounds pass by and stop to check out
the commotion. They immediately look down at his goods. He mumbles
about the escapee and stutters, looks down at his hands filled with
newly acquired treasures, then looks back up at them. One of the
warriors puts his hand on the hilt, ready to draw his weapon. The
Thief stalls for a moment, then suddenly drops his cargo and zips
towards the trees behind the bastion. “You go after him, I must go
help the others” - says one to the other. They split up.
--Harasser comes running out the bastion gate, almost bare, red faced
and out of breath. A giant imprint of the bar is glowing on his
chest. He looks over at the knocked out guard and without hesitation
strips him. He looks around, the street is empty. Through the racket
of the bombardment he hears a woman scream and heads in that
direction.

Scene 12 – the Hut

--Etienne runs in and quickly shuts the door behind him. He turns
around, glancing over the place, looking for a nook to hide in. The
hut is run down. Fire’s glow illuminates the shack. There’s a curtain
blocking off a corner. A cleaver sticks out of a wooden block. There
are some fruit on the table. Etienne walks up to it and quickly
shoves ne in his mouth.
--(interactive)-- Players look around, but all they can do is eat more
fruit, but not store them in the inventory - “I don’t want this
squashed in my pocket”. They can’t leave - “What are you crazy?” or
“I’m not going back out there”. If they try to take the cleaver, his
response would be “That’s not going to help me hide” or “I’m not a
butcher”. They will eventually look behind the curtain.
--There’s a scared Maiden pressed into the corner, eyes full of fear,
caught off guard by the barrage on the village. Knitting spokes at
the ready. Unfinished socks and a ball of wool on the floor. She
does not attack. She screams.
--(interactive)-- He tries to calm her down. She stands up, still
pointing the needles at him, wary. The game involves relaxing her
through dialogue. After she lets her guard down, there can be a
button matching sequence, to whisk the needle out of her hand.
Repeated for the other needle. If Etienne has a fruit in his hand
(assuming he didn’t eat them all), he can offer it to her. She will
accept and drop one of the needles on the floor to free up one of her
hands (reduces the mini game, if done while both hands hold needles).
There’s a limited amount of wrong responses and/or failed button
matching attempts. When it nears the end, over Etienne’s shoulder we
see Harasser walking by the window behind him. He stops and presses
his face to the mica (glass-like substance) in the window. Sees him.
Grins.
--Harasser bursts in through the door. Etienne jumps startled, spins
around to face him. The Maiden shrieks.
[A] -- If the “needles” game was won, he protectively spreads his
arms, the Maiden peeking from behind his back.
[B] -- If the “needles” game was lost, she hops away from them, back
into the corner. She moves her hands back and forth, not sure who she
needs more protection from. After a little while, she slides down the
wall to the floor, arms still raised, bewildered.
--The rumpus outside continues. Players start to hear wailing of the
widows and orphans, cries of the wounded and dying.
--Harasser looks around and plucks the cleaver out of the wood. He
then heads toward Etienne, slapping the broadside of the blade against
his other palm.
Harasser: You didn’t think you were going to get far, did you? You
should take your monthly bathing more seriously. We worry about the
well being of our guests (chuckles). I can smell you a hundred yards
away.
--Etienne closes his eyes and concentrates.
Harasser: Praying will get you nowhere, lad.
--He raises the cleaver, winds up to strike our hero down.
(Screen fades to white)
-Jump Cut-

Scene 13 – the “Other” Hut

--Etienne opens his eyes. The hut, the village, the bastion, the
dusty streets - all gone. It’s a field of wild grass, mushrooms and
flowers, all of giant proportions. The forests are waving in the
background. Grand butterflies flutter flower to flower.
[A] -- If the “needles” game was won, next to him will be a beautiful,
blue (for now), colossal-size flower with two giant leaves on the
stalk (should stand out from the others in the field).
[B] -- If the “needles” game was lost, a tree stump will be a few feet
away.
--Where Harasser stood, there’s a big, distorted, wax clump. Mildly
resembling his shape, it melts/contorts under the sun. The cleaver is
coming down on Etienne slowly.
--(interactive)-- Etienne has an inner dialogue with himself. His
positive side quarrels with his negative. Gael reappears, trying to
assist him with words of advice. As the argument starts heading in a
positive direction, a faint glow, somewhere around where the heart
would be, appears at the center of the melting statue. It
intensifies, slowly becoming almost a solid sphere. At a certain
point, players get the option to touch it.
--When Etienne does so, players see a montage of stills over music -
Harasser with his baby daughter, smiling. His wife - puffy, with rosy
cheeks, waving to him. His mom - a wrinkled, sweet old lady - smiling
toothless, playing with the baby as the wife watches from the shade.
Seeing a plume coming up over his village. The Shunners burning his
house down, with his family in it. His daughter, slightly older now,
pressing into the glass of the window as the flames engulf her,
screaming silently. Village in ashes, chimneys like tombstones, the
few survivors spread around, mourning the dead. Harasser’s face,
emotionless, dead eyed, with the town remains smoldering in the
background.
Etienne: I understand now… your anger. You were also happy once.
(Pause). This war has no victors - only the lost, the orphaned, the
widowed… the dead. Shunners or the Divine, we all bleed. We all
hurt. (Pause). I need your pain; for me it is a fuel of hope. Let
me alleviate you.
--Etienne takes out the orb, holds it to his chest and looks over his
shoulder. In the distance, through the grass he sees Aglae, his
sister, waving him over with both arms, smiling. He smiles back. The
cleaver is almost upon him.
Gael: Goodbye Etienne. May you bring a difference upon this world.
--Etienne nods to him.
[A] -- If the “needles” game was won, he takes the blue flower by one
of its leaves and presses the orb into his chest. It melts as it goes
in.
[B] -- If the “needles” game was lost, he presses the orb into his
chest. It melts going in.
(Screen fades to white)
-Jump Cut-

Scene 14 – the Hut

[A] -- If the “needles” game was won, Etienne disappears with the
Maiden, whose hand he is holding. Their spirits (FX?) darts out the
window as the cleaver comes down on the spot Etienne just occupied.
[B] -- If the “needles” game was lost, Etienne disappears. His
spirit darts out the window as the cleaver comes down on the spot
Etienne just occupied. Maiden drops her needle(s) and covers her
mouth, holding back a yell. Eyes bursting out of orbits (not
literally).
--The curtain whirls in the gust. Harasser falls back, stunned.
Harasser (gasps): Demon!!
--He puts one hand on his heart. Looks down at the floor, confused
and weakened. The Maiden looks at him, hands over mouth still ([B] --
if the “needles” game was lost).

Scene 15 – Outside the Village

[A] -- If the “needles” game was won, Etienne reappears in the
pasture, the Maiden by his side. They are a few hundred yards away
from town, in tall grass, where he saw his sister stand. Maiden
plucks her hand out of his.
Maiden: Demon! Keep away from me!
--(interactive)-- Players attempt to talk her out of going back to
the city. She is scared to go back, but even more of him. They can
also pick a nearby flower while talking and present her with it
(reduces the mini game). He tries to tell her she will be safer in
the forest.
[A] -- If the “no way back” game is won, she heads into the forest.
He follows her with his eyes, until the trees swallow her.
[B] -- If the “no way back” game is lost, she runs back to the
village. He sighs and shakes his head, arms dangling helplessly.
{ Scene 15a – Outside the Village
[B] -- If the “needles” game was lost, Etienne reappears in the
pasture, a few hundred yards away from town, where he saw his sister
stand. }
--Etienne looks up at the village. A plume of smoke hangs over it.
He focuses on the bastion. Boulders pummel it relentlessly. A well
aimed shot knocks the stones out of the tower. The roof suddenly
collapses, rubble showering the village below.
Etienne: No!!
--He drops to his knees. Sits there for some time. He looks back up
at the tower, hoping it wasn’t real. It is. His eyes water, he looks
down. Again he looks up from the tall grass.
[B] -- If the “call for help” game was lost, Etienne spots the Thief
being led back into town by the soldier. He is torn up and holding
his shoulder. Blood dirties his shirt.
--Etienne closes his eyes and lowers his head. VO starts.
---- I have a dream, and as wild as it stirs in my eyes, as it pulses

my hands into expression, it will live.

---- My master taught me well. I see the light in the darkest of
hearts. Fear derails you off the path of justice. Anger leads to a
path of vengeance and wickedness. Live, knowing that those you love
will always revere your pursuit of truth and righteousness.
---- Watch out, spreaders of loathing. Turn back, bringers of pain.
Retreat, chaperons of hatred. The storm has begun.
--Etienne compresses into a glowing ball and disappears. Tall grass
chimes in his wake.
(Screen fades to white/black)

The Other Plane
Credits

Ok guys, here’s my draft. Took me a couple of days, but I’m really
happy with it. It might not be to everyone’s liking, so feel free to
modify/critique/change it.
Notes—
1) Those named Cathars I had changed to Shunners – the Crusaders to
the Divine. I’ve made them more aggressive, but they still only
attack when provoked. I did not feel the need to follow the
historical references too strictly after all our posts, hope it’s
cool.
2) Holy mother of and Demon are stand-ins. They ring too close a bell
to reality for me. I will attempt to layout an original, religion-
esque scheme for the game, so we wouldn’t be pulling too many
expressions out of the real world. Religion is a sensitive subject,
as we all know, and I believe this would be a good move. For example,
I thought about replacing Demon with Malignant or the Unholy. It’s
not all that great, but not used as often as Demon or Devil.
3) Even though it is a violent world, the character is not actually
fighting, as requested. Maybe I’m bending the rules a bit, but I feel
it adds some flavor – in this Chaos, our hero tries to do good,
positive things. It makes for a sharper contrast.
4) Fades and Jump Cuts are put together in such a way, that it would
require no morphing or real time transformations of the environment.
Don’t get the idea that I’m booting Chris’ suggestion for the
transitions and how the Other Plane should progressively look like,
but as I was writing this, it felt more natural to me that our
character’s visions start off being more realistic or primitive, if
you will. Like a kid starts with drawing stick people, then he grows
to make fine art, then to surrealism. So does our hero start off
envisioning simple things, like thorny plants and oversized mushrooms,
behemoth butterflies. Further down the road his visions could get
even more demented/twisted/stylized.
5) This is written in font size 11 and runs slightly over ten pages.
When making a script you type size 12. 1 page = 1 minute of runtime
in that format. I’ve formatted it best I could to estimate playtime
(glad those screenwriting classes are finally coming in handy). So
if players know exactly what to do, it would take about 11-12
minutes. If they don’t, between the dialogues, games and the puzzles
it would run 20-25 minutes. I think that would be a good length demo.
6) I’ve left some of the dialogues (mostly, the interactive
conversations in mini games) open to suggestions, because I was kind
of stuck on them and I wanted to move forward and layout the story.
Any help would be appreciated.
7) Even though Gael dies in the beginning, Etienne should revisit him
on a regular basis throughout the adventure. I feel that it would be
better a-la flashbacks, as opposed to talking with his spirit (which
would once again reference the religious perspective). Flashbacks
would give it more of a meditative, spiritual flavor.
8) I envisioned the photo-montage in the end (when Etienne sees
Harasser’s past) as a series of illustrations. Two reasons: one, it
will relieve us from modeling all that extra stuff for the sake of 30
seconds of footage. Secondly, it will be much more expressive to see
(for example) the look in Harasser’s daughter’s eyes, as she roasts in
the burning building, than we will ever achieve with bones/blend
shapes.
9) The bigger picture. You will see the direct result of your
actions, when Gael responds to the outcome of the “bread” game - “My
last meal is a bountiful one. I will enjoy it.” or “If only I could
have had my last meal, oh what a joy it would be.” As for the rest of
them, the Thief, Harasser, Maiden, the outcome will only make a
difference in the full game. I couldn’t not think ahead and I was
picturing all these people you encounter, if you play your cards
right, come of service to you later. You can run into Harasser at a
later time and he is living the proper life now, and as thanks might
give you a piece of info, otherwise inaccessible. Or the Thief, who
would otherwise rot in jail (if you fail the game), might take you to
a merchant who sells you a vial for storing spirits, or expand you
inventory by one (off the wall examples).
10) Last but not least, the Character/Environment list:

Characters

Etienne
Gael
Aglae
Harasser
Skinny
Shorty
Guard under the bastion
Villager who takes his sword
Thief + 2 soldiers dealing with him
Maiden
3-4 generic soldiers loading the catapult on the ships

Environments

the Cell
the Other Cell
the Ships
the Village and Bastion
the Hut
the Other Hut
the Pasture outside of Town

16 Characters + 7 Environments in total

Comments? Critiques? Thoughts?

Gera (sending you all word doc’s too, ‘cuz the forum will screw up the
format)

[dantef...@gmail.com]

I'm not reading Gera's script until I write my own, just to make sure
its an original first draft, so no response to that yet.

To Chris:
I like the idea of one world affecting the other. But I want to put in
a vote on the 'other' world being able to affect the 'real' world, but
not the other way around.

[Gera Gundorov]

I think both worlds should be locked down by us and the story,
regardless of the decisions. If we want to stick to the Adventure
genre (not that I mind mixing genres up), players should just walk
through the game and solve puzzles, interact with NPC's, collect and
mix item, etc. Having altered world would create a lot more work for
us and would detract from the story.

G

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Voice: "Close your eyes, concentrate. What do you see.?" (screen fades
to white)

Self: "I see nothing."

Voice: "Nothing, what do you mean nothing? You must see

something....What
color do you see at least?

Self: "White, everything's white."

Voice: "(pause) Concentrate."

(still white screen, music slowly builds up. Slowly an environment
comes into view.)

As I open my eyes, I'm suddenly swatted across the head with a
swooping hand. It rustles up my hair, and kind of smarts a bit.

Teacher: I told you to concentrate! Why are you opening your eyes?!

Self: I'm sorry teacher! I was trying, really.

Teacher: Well, we aren't going to get very far when you try like that.
When is the last time you ate?

Self: Ummm.... A few days ago...

Teacher: Etienne, you are the worst liar I have ever met. I'm glad it
isn't rhetoric that you seek to learn!

Self: Oh, I ate some fruit not too long ago.

Teacher: There we go. The technique does not work unless you fast for
48 hours. I told you this many times. (He starts fumbling a scroll and
jotting down notes)

Teacher sure is upset with me, but he never sounds upset. I suppose
anyone walking by would never realize that he was yelling at me in his
own way. Maybe that is some of the talent from his rhetoric stuff he
talks about sometimes, who knows. He's right though, I'm not a good
liar. I've never really had to lie much anyway.

Teacher: Here are my notes for today. Read them thoroughly, and do the
tasks I wrote down. In case you forget to read it, it says you must
travel to Ravien and collect a sack of passion fruit.

Self: Aww, Teacher! That's three whole day's walk! What if I run into
bandits!?

Teacher: You should have thought ahead before eating those fruits. If
fruits are such a thing as to keep you from completing your studies,
then this task will remind you of it quite nicely. That is your love
for fruit, being so much more to you than what I have to say. You
should have no problem with such a task, taken that you and the fruit
are in league!

Self: I...I'm...it isn't like that. But ok, I'll do it.

Teacher: That's right. You are very intelligent, Etienne. That is why
I have chosen only you to pass my knowledge onto. When you do this
right, and follow as I say, you too will be able to look into the
other world and observe it as if looking through a window that is
unseen.

Self: I hope so Teacher, I hope I can accomplish what you have.

Teacher: I know you can do it! But watch your tongue! I've told you
many times that flattery is only to be used for the weak minded,
unless you think me so.

Self: No teacher, I didn't mean it like that. I think you are very
strong minded.

Teacher: Ha! See there! I've gotten you into the endless circle of
conversational disappointment! For my own laughs, be on your way young
man. Remember, bandits have minds as well and, to be doing such things
as they do, have weak ones at that.

Self: Good-bye Teacher.

(Etienne takes the scroll and walk out of the barn)

I don't know why we meet there, it smells so bad. On top of that, how
am I supposed to concentrate when I'm so hungry!

(Etienne collects some of his things from home, then starts on the
road to Ravien.)


Well, here at last... Ravien. I'm glad I don't live in this town, it is
so boring! They don't even have anything to do at all! I wish I could
live in the Kingdom, where they have tons of marketplace stands and a
blacksmith! They have dances and tournaments! Oh well, maybe someday
if I'm lucky...

(Etienne quickly finds a passion fruit bush and starts filling his
sack)
(Etienne is free to communicate with the townsfolk and help out around
town for various issues.)

(Etienne takes the road back to Ravien.)


I'm so hungry! This is probably another test from Teacher. He probably
wants me to fast for all these days on this journey. I can't give in,
I have to live up to his abilities and learn them.

(Possibility of running into Bandits on the road home. Either end up
getting robbed of the passion fruit and beat up, or are able to talk
out of it with persuasion.)


Finally, back home. I wonder how Teacher will think of my journey.

(Just as Etienne steps out of the woods, he sees a full view of his
home town. Many of the houses are on fire, and there are screams)

Self: What is going on!?!

(Etienne sees his neighbors being slain by knights on horseback, and
others that cannot defend themselves tied up.)

Self: This can't be happening... this can't be happening...

(Etienne sits on the ground, closes his eyes and holds his head.)

Self: ...can't be happening... this can't be....

(A Knight catches sight of Etienne, and spurs his horse in Etienne's
direction. As the knight approaches, he yells for Etienne to state his
purpose. But Etienne, in shock does not respond. The knight brings his
sword up to swing it at Etienne. Etienne holds his head tighter, and
shuts the world out, so that all he sees is white. The knight swings
the sword.)

Self: ... I can see it (Etienne sees the other world. There is a person,
that looks very different, looking back at him. The person grabs
Etienne by the arm, and pulls him into the world, out of the window
which he observes through.)

(Real world)
Knight: Where did he go? What in Serana!


(Other world)

Other Person: Ah, I may have made a mistake.

Self: H..h...how do you mean?

Other Person: You are not the other, who likes to observe so often. I
wished to ask him why he does so. But you do as he, so why do you as
well?

Self: I'm not sure. I...I don't even know how I got here.

Other Person: It is better now to be you, I sense. You are more pure
of heart, and speak about things in the way they are. It is rare among
your kind.

Self: My kind?

Other Person: The people kind, as you call yourself, of course. The
inhabitants of the sub-world.

Self: The sub-world?

Other Person: Yes, the sub-world is where many begin their existence,
and re-begin in a way. Some even are sent to relearn, though they are
unaware.

Self:: Ah...o.oo...ok.

Other Person: I have saved your sub-world life, which is your current
existence. You are my guest now here. I shall teach you my ways, and
show you some things that are not my ways. Maybe you will show me sub-
components of my ways that are not yet determined to exist! That would
be most enjoyable, to pull between the materials of ways, as some of
my world call the "electric signals" which bridge the pink ridges in
our heads.

Self: Right... ok, I'll be your guest.

(Begins to explore the Other World with Other Person, etc...)

[dantef...@gmail.com]

I agree Gera. But "Altering" the world, I mean in the sense of the
story progressing in the "Other" world can affect events in the "Real"
world when you get back there. How does that add more work, if it is
just story telling?

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

I can't say I vote in favor of Dante's call for the other world being
able to affect the real world, but not vice versa. When it comes down
to the core, your mind is the source that perceives the outer
experience, and "creates"
in any way. ie: you can make it a good or bad experience by how you
internally take it. Taking this train of thought, I agree with Dante's
idea of only the other world affecting the real world. But how often
our dreams are also mirrors of our daily life, portraits of our outer
perception? So if things in the real world can't affect the other
world, then at least they should be represented visually.....

As far as travel between worlds, hands down, story based, situation
based. Gives us so much more to work with, so many more puzzle
opportunities, should be a no-brainer. I still like the idea of
limiting travel as originally discussed by a false mental dependancy,
perhaps we can work that in somehow, or not....
okay, now time to read Dante's script, woohoo, I will read them ALL,
and then write mine, so that I can be influenced by your thoughts, and
add my own so that we can start gluing our creativity into a finely
crafted amalgamation.

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Wow, kickass Dante. It has been a great pleasure for me to read
through George's and now your script. Very fun, Dante, sticking to the
core concepts. Strong "showing" not "telling" techniques for your
characters. I like the witty humor and charming oddball characters.
Comparing the two scripts this one is definitely more realistic in
scope, and seems to just "work" without too many kinks production
wise. sweet and simple mr Dante, well done. now My turn, and Chris'.
and...damn, now it's almost 6 am. ok really sleeping now. seriously.

On Jan 26, 5:37 am, Tyler Fermelis - Artist <tferme...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Chris, Dali. Great imagery. Definitely somewhat similar visions in my
head. A place where your thoughts would say: "Something is .....not
right about this place...yet......oddly familiar"
I think we could integrate this with George's idea of the world
starting out more primitive, and changing.....

On Jan 26, 5:59 am, Tyler Fermelis - Artist <tferme...@gmail.com>

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Heh, Mr. Dante? Lol, my roommate calls his dog Mr. Buddy when he
thinks I can't here. Makes me laugh every time.

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Gera's draft 1:

I thought the script was quite fascinating and immersive. I especially
like a lot of the puzzles Gera brainstormed and intertwined into the
story. I was a bit annoyed with how many events depended on the
needles with the old lady game though, I'm not sure how I feel about
one event holding sway for so long (no offense).

Like Tyler said, there were many things that would need to be cut down
because of tech and time.

I'm not sure why our character is in jail, and he is jailed by his own
government? And the line "The Shunners are retaliating!" confused me.
Firstly, the Cathars being named Shunners seems a bit intense. They
were not trying to shun catholicism. Second, by taking place in the
Languedoc, our character is a Cathar (at least living within that
society). So, being jailed within the kingdom grasps of the Cathars,
why are the Cathars attacking themselves? The jailing bothers me
because the Cathars were a good people that enjoyed much happiness in
trade and prosperity in culture. Unjust jailing isn't something I
expect there. The attack by Crusaders should come as an aggressive
attack in which the Cathars must defend. This should be viewed as
unjust war.

I left it out of my story, but the reason for the crusade was kicked
off by the fact that the Papal Legate was murdered in the region of
the languedoc. I think it would be cool to tie a similar event in
somewhere to show how petty the war is and blown out of proportion.
Hmm... sounds a lot like World War I.

Does anyone else plan to do a draft 1? I'd like to discuss mergings
and ideas for a draft 2.

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Yeah, I plan on writing a draft 1 as well. I will try to merge
somewhat, write my own stuff somewhat, and change according to your
critiques as much as I can....
Prob cant get to it till sunday night and if not then, it will have to
be pushed until tuesday...

[Gera Gundorov]

I want to mention first that my friend is visiting from NY - she's
leaving on Wednesday, so I'm limited in my time until then. I will
dive right back in as soon as she goes.

I've just read through Dante's script and it was a fun read. I feel
that some of the dialogue needs work, but otherwise it is a totally
workable material. Also, I wish there would be some more info on
puzzles/minigames - right now it reads like an intro for an RPG more
than an adventure game. When I wrote mine up, I had monkey island,
day of the tentacle and full throttle in mind, which is why I
incorporated all those branching games and a puzzle in there - if
whoever we pitch it to plays it, they would get a pretty good idea of
our genre and gameplay. I'm sure Dante's pitch will have these
elements. It would help if we can read about some ideas of the games
and puzzles you had in mind for your story.

Gera

[Gera Gundorov]

Sorry, I missed the fact that there's a next page (I was wondering
where my posts went??) I guess I did not convey the setting in my
draft. Etienne is locked up in the Divine's dungeon. The Shunners
are making a retaliatory attack. The Cathars were peaceful, but they
did fight back to a point, so I played with that idea. Also, I looked
up the definition of Shun and it was to evade or avoid, amongst other
synonyms - I felt it worked ok, but that's just me. We can all figure
out a better name, I'm sure. My last reason for going with this type
of name was that, for me personally, I'm kind of annoyed with all
these made up names - like the stuff Tolkien and the like make up. I
want the names to have some meaning to them, association, not just
some fantastical gingle, like Mordor or Soromon (however you spell
that). I think the audience will relate and remember these details
better. But that's just me - I wanted to clarify my approach to
making these choices.

Thoughts??

Gera

[dantef...@gmail.com]

Concerning Puzzles/Mini-Games:
I didn't include puzzles or mini-games because I was trying to just
focus on the story IP, to try to attempt to nail down things like
characters, setting, themes, and atmosphere, trying to play off of the
first IP post of things discussed from the first meeting. Maybe my
mind works differently? For me, I would think up the intricate details
of what happens gameplay-wise after determining a basic outline or
draft of the story elements.

Concerning Names:
I don't generally make random names either. I usually look up Greek or
Latin words, take the Root, then combine Roots, or shape the word to
sound better. Now that I was thinking of France, I thought about
giving endings that sound more like that part of Europe, like the town
'Ravien', which I was thinking would be a play off of Raven the bird.
My opinion is that I don't like names that are obvious in English, it
kind of takes the fun out of it for me, especially since you can read
names from roots of other languages and forget that they mean anything
and immerse in the story as if it were real, but if you are interested
can go look them up. So, not trying to make stabs, Shunners and The
Divine are completely Americanizing and Modernizing the themes as if
the names were created for a new group today.

[Gera Gundorov]

Cool with me. This is a team project and I don't want to step on any
toes, so lets work through this together until we are all happy enough
to move forward. We can always alter minor details, like names, on
the fly. I'm not attached to the names I set into my script - just
wanted to sub the Cathar/Catholics references. The reason I ask for
some specifics for games/puzzles is that, when incorporated, it would
give us all a better idea of how long each of our drafts (thus the
demo) would actually be. Your (Dante) draft may seem short and more
feasible right now, but if you work through the details, it might turn
out to be much longer.

Also, don't worry about "taking stabs" or any of that stuff. We want
to make a good game, that sometimes requires critiques that may seem
harsh to those they are directed at. I'm a New Yorker - and Russian.
Bluntness is my thing. So please, don't get offended at me either, I
know that I can come off that way too sometimes.

Gera

[Dante]

No offenses, I'm pretty blunt too. I like being able to get straight
to the point, which is what will give us good results upon agreement.

So, the puzzles in the story thing seems like an opinional thing of
what we are looking for when we are reading. My position is that I'm
more concerned about agreeing on main story elements, tone, and
setting, and not the specific intricate mechanics (in my opinion,
would be 'quest development' for the puzzles etc...). So, when I read
through your (Gera's) script, I'm trying to stay on the story themes
and get through reading the puzzles as fast as I can, not because I
don't like them, but because I'm not concerned about them yet.

I like Tyler's thread of concrete ideas. So, as soon as we get other
people's drafts up and see similarities and make agreements, that
thread will be awesome for picking out the pieces that we need from
this thread. I'm perfectly cool with reading drafts with puzzles
etc... in them, I'm just saying that the part of my brain that is for
that part isn't active right now while thinking up the broader story.
My work habits basically focus in on one aspect at a time until I feel
it is done to me, I don't think it will be a problem for our different
methods to be compatible.

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Allright, add me and that's three self-stated blunt people. Nice! That
means we can stay focused, concise, and honest!

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

(We see a small village, a solitary hawk, soaring with the patterns of
the wind.)

---- I have a dream, and as wild as it stirs in my eyes, as it pulses
my hands into expression, it will live. My vision is of peace, so
listen carefully.
---- I'm talking about the things that are unseen all around us. The
ghosts of many. How a bird in flight gives form to a formless sky,
sculpting the wind with its wings. We commonly think of magic as the
art of creating illusions. Real magic however, is that which destroys
them.

(Zoom into one house from the village)
---- I could speak now of the VORPAL RAT LORDS IN THEIR SHINING
SPONGEBOB UNDERWEAR (just kidding) or the haunting reality of my

dreams, but for that story, I must start somewhere else, before the
storm.

Etienne and Gael are sitting in a candle lit room, the modest dirt
floor seems to match the stone walls naturally, if not a little cold.
(simple room, clear of clutter, besides parchments here and there by a
study desk in the corner.)

Gael: Close your eyes Etienne, concentrate. What do you see?
(Screen fades to white)
Etienne: I see nothing.
Gael: Nothing? You must see something... What do you see?
Etienne: White, everything's white.
Gael: (Pause) Concentrate.
(Screen still white, music slowly builds up. Gradually an environment
comes into view)

Through blurry eyes, the visage of a woman appears to Etienne. Her
sky blue cloak supplicates Etienne's eyes to attention, an antipode to
the red-orange clouds hovering near the trees. An ineffable feeling
crosses over Etienne, as he realizes his entire surroundings have
changed. He finds himself in a forest clearing, surrounded by dark
trees, moving their branches to the rhythm of a slow heartbeat.
In a hushed, hurried tone, the woman speaks.
Woman (Beryl): "My Goddess, it's you! I've been waiting so long. They
told me you would be different. Anyways, there's no time. Follow me."
The woman glances into Etienne's eyes then darts off towards the
pulsing trees. Etienne attempts to keep up, but she disappears in the
foggy mist between the trees. Exploring his surroundings, Etienne
encounters a plethora of prehistoric sized plants, and unusual flying
beings buzzing by. (Etienne cannot go passed the area that the woman
disappeared to. There is a dead end of trees...)
Etienne: "Where in the name of Name did that dame go? Hmph, just
typical. This place reminds me of the tavern. You meet a great girl,
and everything starts off just fine, and then she's gone before you
can take another sip."
Searching the forest, Etienne comes upon a large mushroom. Unlike the
rest of the fungal bloom in the forest, this large cap was adorned
with a sage-like grey beard, not unlike Gael's.
Etienne: "Is that?! The resemblance bears semblance to Gael's pale
beard............ Weird....."
(The word weird, coming from wert, meant to turn, or bend. Later this
came to mean, to turn into. Etienne's world is turning into another
one, as the beard sparks the memory of where he left off in the real
world, not to mean that the other world is any less real....)
Etienne reaches for the mushroom, and upon touching it, the screen
turns blurry again.
Fade into Gael and Etienne sitting down, Etienne holding Gael's beard
tightly!
With a father-like joy, Gael chuckles.
Gael: Your first flashover.... I'm so proud.
Etienne(excited): Gael! You wouldn't believe what I saw. There was
this...
Gael: Woman?
Etienne: Yeah, and then there were these breathing trees and these...
wait.... what? How did you know?
Gael: I have so much to tell you..

Okay guys, so I must say this is pretty rough, I have some things
distracting me at the moment, but here were my goals and idea
introductions:
I wanted to keep Dante's witty strange verbal humor. Dante achieved
this through the character of Gael, I did through Etienne, since I
figure we will be hearing his thoughts for the whole game, and
adventures have so many dialogues where you click something, and get a
verbal description (in our case from Etiennes point of view) that he
should be somewhat funny and weird.
I wanted to keep George's idea of the evolving other world, that
starts off primitive.
One thing I introduced was a play with colors. I think it would be fun
if we gave them meaning in our game and let the player subconsciously
catch on to situations based on them. Another idea was that upon
return to the normal world, in that moment of blurriness, your eyes
show what you have seen. In this case Gael was able to catch a glimpse
of Etiennes journey. This could make an enemy seek to catch your
return for information...Also, I thought it would be interesting if
Etienne's thoughts were rather creative but not entirely natural
feeling. Like slightly preconceived statements, crafted in a verbal
manner that maybe...makes Etienne entertained by his own thinking?
I also didn't worry about the puzzles too much, but heeding George's
advice of how that might comlicate an otherwise simple scenario, I
tried to set the scene so that it could be open to a few things I
thought of briefly.
Maybe I'm crazy. But anyways, that's my rough rough draft, feel free
to rip, tear and sew until this oil rag look like a silk tapestry.

[Gera Gundorov]

I like how Tyler is tying our two scripts together into his. I must
agree that humor would probably work better for this genre than my
serious approach. I also got a really great visual from that chuckle
Gael makes when Etienne tugs on his beard, it fleshes out the
character's personality. Another thing I realize was not quite there
in my script.

Having said that, it is realllly short, play time wise. I picture the
chase of that female through the other plane as a cut scene. We
should incorporate some sort of a mini game or a puzzle (maybe some
simple platforming as well?) to get to the bearded mushroom afterwards
- that bit feels like it can be interactive, but simply running across
the field to touch it would not demonstrate what our game is about.

I want to know what Gael has to tell Etienne, at least the roughest
story ideas to get the ball rolling.

Thoughts? Ideas?

Gera

[Chris Lum]

Hehehe, all I can say first is -- I should not have been in the
process of eating when I got to about the fourth section down with the
Vorpal rat lords :P

I've only been glancing over what other people have written, trying to
get a general sense of the direction people are going without
influencing whatever it is I'll be writing too much. Unfortunately
I'm a little more on the serious side, so I have a feeling there's not
going to be much humor in mine :P I will get to it this weekend once
I can beat this cold I seem to have caught

On Jan 31, 11:49 pm, Tyler Fermelis - Artist <tferme...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Gera Gundorov]

Well, not to discourage anyone, but I think it's totally cool if not
everyone of us submits a draft. A good critique, advise or revision
could be just as useful. I can do some particles, but if we already
have a person who can kick ass in that department, I would not
interfere out of the need to contribute equally in all aspects of our
demo. And definitely don't expect me to chip in with any programming
*:-o I wouldn't know where to begin.

I still feel that there's nothing wrong with mixing in a little Myst
drama with Monkey Island quirkiness. But it should lean toward the
comedic side of things.

Gera

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

Can't agree with you more Gera, and couldn't have said it better. Some
serious drama with quirkiness would be great. Another way to tie these
two different themes is by having the humor be funny on the surface,
but dig deep with it's undertones... or perhaps have a greater
message. FX would be great, as I don't have a good background with
them, and FX artists are hard to find. I LOVE the critique about a
barrier to reaching the bearded mushroom, and think it could be easily
adapted. I will finish off my draft when I get a chance, and hopefully
by then Chris will also have his done, so we can start unifying our
visions as best as we can. And yes, as George mentioned, everyone is
more than welcome to submit a draft, but it will get harder to have
what everyone wants all combined into one story the more we have to
pick from. The way I see it is that in the process of combining ideas
and critiquing our writing, we will all be authoring a collective
whole.

[Gera Gundorov]

To follow up on Tyler's trail of thought, I see it be a problem if
there's no drama, in the setting that our character is in. There's
war and death all around and it would be weird if he just skips and
hops and laughs through it all. I mean, it's doable, but our
character would have to be a real hard-boiled asshole to not be
affected by these circumstances. hahahaha!! Players would not like
him much, I think :)

As far as FX go, I thought Dante was offering to do some of it, he
even mentioned a studio setup in his house. Or am I mistaken? I can
play some instruments too, if it ever comes down to it. I might be
able to help with that, if we are desperate.

Gera

[Tyler Fermelis - Artist]

So when you said FX you meant sound FX, and yeah Dante has a setup.
When I heard FX, I thought....FX, like particle effects, since you
mentioned you dabbled in particle effects. Can you do any game
particle stuff? or mostly high end rendered particle stuff? Yeah,
we'll see as we go what the demands are for audio, perhaps if Dante's
is backlogged with tech too, we could use all the help we could get...
-Tyler

[Chris Lum]

Well guys, here's what I came up with. I was mainly playing with a
different view of the characters and the world, so there aren't as
many similarities between this draft and everyone else's. As always,
I'm not attached to any one idea, so feel free to pick and choose what
to keep and what to throw out (PS, my lovely script formatting will
most likely be destroyed in this post, so my apologies in advance if
this turns into a really long post):

1 EXT - WHITE BACKDROP IN GENTLE MISTS

Gentle light gray mists swirl across a backdrop of white as we hear
the omnipresent, slightly reverberating voice over of ETIENNE, who has
not been revealed yet.

ETIENNE

I have a dream, and as wild as it stirs in my eyes, as it pulses
my hands into expression, it will live. My vision is of peace, so
listen carefully.

I'm talking about the things that are unseen all around us. The
ghosts of many. How a bird in flight gives form to a formless sky,
sculpting the wind with its wings. We commonly think of magic as the
art of creating illusions. Real magic however, is that which destroys
them.

The mists gradually fade as the screen goes to pure white.

I could speak now of the world beyond the veil, the haunting reality
of my
dreams, but for that story, I cannot show the path without first
showing the door.

The screen cross fades into the next scene:

2 EXT - GRASSY HILL OVERLOOKING A ROAD

Two men, GAEL and ETIENNE, stand on a high, grassy hill overlooking a
straight, dusty road. On the hill there is a single tree, its leaves
are patchwork of yellow and red, signaling the coming of Fall. GAEL
is a man in his late 40s, but appears to be ten years older due to
premature white hair and crows feet from years of hardship on the open
road. He wears the simple robes of a traveler, possibly a pilgrim of
some sort. It is an affectation - GAEL is a renowned philosopher, a
position that in this ancient world carries an air of prestige, and
sometimes, infamy. ETIENNE is his student, a younger man in his late
20s, wearing robes similar to that of his master. He is equally
toughened, as only nobility or clergy can survive in this world
without living by working the land.

As the two watch the road, a line of soldiers appears in column,
guiding a small group of prisoners.

ETIENNE

Master, we've been waiting here for hours. Please tell me this is why
we're here. Who are they?

GAEL

They are like us, my student.

ETIENNE

Where are the soldiers taking them?

GAEL

They go to Rávien, to the high fortress on the Montrávien where they
will be found guilty of foul practices and put to death.

ETIENNE

(pointing to the soldiers) And we're supposed to stop all of them...?

GAEL

Come now, my student, would I have wasted all that breath passing on
my teachings if I never gave you a practical use for them? Now, close
your eyes, concentrate!...What do you see?

ETIENNE

(closing his eyes) I see nothing.

GAEL

Nothing, what do you mean nothing?

ETIENNE

...Master, this doesn't seem to be very practical.

GAEL

Etienne, forget about that. Forget about those men, and stop trying
to think in the now. Focus on your teachings!

ETIENNE

(pause) White, everything's white.

GAEL

Concentrate. Let the ebb and flow of this world carry you into the
next...

3 EXT - OTHER PLANE

ETIENNE finds himself alone on an empty hill. In front of him is a
long road, much like the one in the real world only instead of being
solid dirt, it is constantly shifting like quicksand. Along the road
are stylized stone statues of three men, the prisoners from the real
world. On either side of each prisoner are two statues of guardsmen -
unlike their real world counterparts they are highly stylized, looking
more like inhuman blocks of stone and metal than real people, as these
are the icons that ETIENNE perceives the guards to be in this plane.

GAEL (V.O.)

Now my student, with my help you must reach those prisoners. They
cannot reach this plane, but with our help, they just might.

ETIENNE

But master, how is that possible?

GAEL (V.O.)

This is not the time for lessons, Etienne! Get to those men, and pull
them into this world!

The player must now move ETIENNE towards the prisoners, avoiding the
quickest areas of moving sand or risk being pulled under. If pulled
under, the player will be drawn back out with GAEL's help.

GAEL (V.O.)

The only impediment is in your head Etienne! Clear it, and move
onward!

4 EXT - OTHER PLANE

Once ETIENNE reaches the statues, trying to move them appears to be
impossible.

ETIENNE

These statues won't move! It would take a dozen men to move these
stones!

GAEL

The only stone around here is your thick head! What have I always
said, my student? In this plane you have to be creative and use the
tools I have shown you! I have given you a piece of glass, look
through it.

The player is given a short introduction about inventory. In the
inventory is a piece of glass. Looking through the piece of glass
puts a filter on the screen and shows the men as they are in the real
world. The player can now pull them from their spots in the column
and off the road where they are pulled forcefully into the other
plane. Once all three are off the road, the scene cuts briefly to:

5 EXT - REAL WORLD, THE DUSTY ROAD

Suddenly the guards shout out in shock as the three prisoners they
were escorting melt away into thin air. An alarm goes up and the
soldiers scatter, looking for their missing charges. The scene cuts
back:

6 EXT - OTHER PLANE

GAEL

Wonderful Etienne! Now find a Focus and get out of there before the
guards find us.

ETIENNE

Wait, but what about the others?

GAEL
I have taught them well, they know the path and will meet us in
Rávien. But now you must find a Focus, quickly!

ETIENNE

I've never been here before, what does it look like?

GAEL

It is a thing from our world, something that has no place in the plane
you are in now. It is different from person to person, only you will
know what it looks like! Now hurry!

The player must journey back to the hill where there is now a single
tree with yellow and red leaves, looking exactly like the one on the
real world hill. Touching the tree pulls the player back into the
real world.

7 EXT - REAL WORLD, THE GRASSY HILL

GAEL

Good, my young student! You've proven yet again there may be hope for
you yet!

ETIENNE

A little more forewarning would have been nice, master!

GAEL

Nonsense! You did admirably! Now, to Rávien!

ETIENNE

Pardon me master, but didn't you just say that's where the soldiers
send people like us to die?

GAEL

And that's exactly why we're going my student. *chuckling, slight
sarcasm* You need more practice!


On Feb 2, 4:51 pm, Tyler Fermelis - Artist <tferme...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Gera Gundorov]

Ok, here's my new draft. Sorry it took some time, but I had to
balance this with my hw. I will also send everyone the .txt file. I
recommend opening it in notepad to read - it maintains the format
there. All the critiques go to Dante, he's on revision_03. Cheers.

Gera


(The Other Plane - take 2)

BLACK
SCREEN:

ETIENNE (V.O.)

I have a dream, and as wild as it
stirs in my eyes, as it pulses my
hands into expression, it will
live. My vision is of peace, so
listen carefully.

FADE
IN:



INT. GAEL'S HUT

An earth walled hut comes into focus. The floor is an
arrangement of loosely staggered, rough planks. 20'
each
way, it has posts of young tree trunks spanning the
walls
every few feet. Rafters hold up the dirt overhead.

There's a desk tucked between two posts, scrolls
scattered
all around. A shelf with some books, vials and
ingredients
sits near. Hooks with fowl, meats and dried plants
adorn one
of the rafters. A cleaver is sticking out of a wood
block.
There's a straw bed in the corner. Cloth adorns the
walls.

It's dim. An oculus brings in some light. It runs
into the
ceiling, crowned with a hollow tree stump up above. At
the
center of the room three thick trunks encircle a fire
pit,
aglow with dying embers of a fire. A pot hangs over
it.
There's a dark nook in the back of the hut. Opposite
of it,
there is a ladder leading up to the hatch door.

ETIENNE (V.O.)
(Continued over the aforementioned
montage of the hut)

I'm talking about the things that
are unseen all around us. The
ghosts of many. How a bird in
flight gives form to a formless
sky, sculpting the wind with its
wings. We commonly think of magic
as the art of creating illusions.
Real magic however, is that which
destroys them.

Etienne is kneeling behind one of the columns,
composed,
staring at the floor. His clothes are shaggy, but
clean. A
piece of grass rope encircles his gi at the waist. His
hair
is dark and rustled. He's tall and malnourished.

ETIENNE (V.O.)
I could speak now of the __________

or the haunting reality of my
dreams, but for that story, I must
start somewhere else, before the
storm.

Distraught grumbling comes out of the darkness of the
nook,
accompanied by some rattling and shuffling. Screechy
voice
echoes out of the cavity.

GAEL (O.S.)
Close your eyes Etienne.
Concentrate. What do you see?

Etienne closes his eyes.

FADE TO
WHITE:

ETIENNE
I see nothing.

GAEL (O.S.)

Nothing? You must see something...
What do you see?

ETIENNE
White, everything's white.

GAEL (O.S.)
(Pause) Concentrate.

Mini Game: Players must put together uniquely shaped
pieces,
a-la jigsaw puzzle, to form a shape of a "circle" (sub
it for
another shape or design). The pieces should be
colored, and
as they come together they would incrementally go
whiter.

Music slowly builds up as the players get closer to
completing the challenge. When finished, music stops
abruptly and players jump cut to an environment.



INT. GAEL'S HUT - OTHER PLANE

Etienne is on a gloomy meadow, surrounded by a thick
forest.
There's a giant glowing disk in the sky.
A big fire adorns the center of the clearing. Charred
posts
are sticking out of it, wrapped in chains. Humanoid
shaped
rocks surround the flames, their shadows convulsing in
a grim
dance. Where the nook was, a path leads into the pitch
dark
of the trees.

Gael speaks up, his voice distorted into a thunderous
roar.

GAEL (O.S.)
Do you see through it, Etienne?
The shrouds of reality.

ETIENNE
It is an ugly place, master. Where
am I? Tell me.

GAEL (O.S.)
It is up to you where you are and
what you see. The goal is all that
is constant.

--Interactive

Players move around the level. If they head down the
path,
strong wind gusts push them back. They must approach
the
stones. As they do, the stones start rotating randomly
and
with different speeds, with pauses - facing the fire,
then
turning in profile. There are two rows of stones and a
few
stationary boulders leading all the way up to the
flames.

Challenge: When the stones face the fire, the shadows
are
bigger, as opposed to being narrower when the stones
are in
profile. Players must navigate between the stones to
the
stationary ones and approach the blaze. As they get
exposed
to the open flame, the screen starts going white, as if
blinded. Etienne responds, verbally or through
gesture.
They can recover vision over time, when in shade. If
players
stay exposed for too long and the screen turns pure
white,
they get sent back behind the range of light of the
fire and
must try again.

As Etienne gets to the first row of stones, he speaks
up,
voice unsure and nervous (players maintain character
control
throughout):

ETIENNE
This flame is cool, but hard on the
eyes. What is this master? What
am I doing here?

GAEL (O.S.)
Your mind chose this place. You're
doing good, I can tell. I've had
students scream with fear as they
snapped out of their visions. Just
follow what captures your mind, and
you will get there.

As Etienne gets to the second row of stones, players
start
hearing wailing and distant screams. Etienne speaks:

ETIENNE
Oh mother! Sister! What have they
done! I hear them master. They
are calling for me!

GAEL (O.S.)
You must let go, Etienne. Anger
will get you nowhere. Believe in
the greater good, channel your pain
into hope.

When players get up to the fire, Etienne hides in the
shadow
of the last stone.

ETIENNE
I can't look at it. It's too
bright master.

Gael comes out from the woods. He's humongous.
Covered in
thick vines, with flowing, flaming hair and beard, he's
holding a rock in one hand.

GAEL
Just reach out and touch it. Keep
your eyes closed, lad.

Players reach out and touch the flame. Etienne yelps
and
shrieks in pain. Gael bites into the rock. His lips
smack,
moist, as he chews with his mouth open.

CUT
TO:



INT. GAEL'S HUT

Etienne is holding on to the side of the hot pot over
the
pit.
Gael is standing in the opening to the nook, chewing an
apple
(same mesh, texture swap?). His three toothed mouth is
grinning, eyes alive, spit and shrapnel sprays as he
speaks:

GAEL
Lesson number one. Things
correlate between planes. Getting
hurt there is the same as here.

Etienne pulls his smoldering hand off the pot. Shakes
it
about, wincing.

ETIENNE
A little forewarning would be nice
next time, master.

Gael ignores the comment. Clears his throat. Raises
his
finger in the air, preaches formally, eyebrows raised:

GAEL
This was your first walk, Etienne.
You will get the hang of it in
time. I see it in you. Have seen
it for years...

Gael recomposes himself. Looks at the apple, takes the
last
bite off of it and tosses the pit over his shoulder
into the
dark of the nook. Cans rattle. Etienne is blowing
vigorously on his hand. Gael walks over to a water
filled
bucket by the wall. He takes a rag off the hook and
dips it
in water, squeezes it out and tosses it to Etienne.

GAEL
Here, wrap that on. Time for
another venture. They are almost
here. I can see them coming.

ETIENNE
But master. My hand...

GAEL
No time for that, kiddo. The time
of truth is at hand. Now, for some
aid in our quest...

Gael walks over to the ladder and begins to climb. The
ladder is wide. It easily fits two people. Etienne
climbs
up besides him. They both lift the hatch with a grunt.



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS

The hatch lifts up. It is located amidst dilapidated
remnants of a house, right at the edge of a scorched
forest.
The trees are still smoldering. It's quiet, no animals
around. The hollow stump is right behind one of the
walls.
There's an unkempt stone well a little further off.

There's a castle sitting up in the distance, surrounded
by a
dense forest. Plumes of smoke rise up all around. The
sun
tries desperately to peek through it. Gloomy and
desaturated.
There a tree, beautiful, in full dress, right at the
fork in
the road. The only one that managed to survive the
fire. It
stands out like a sore thumb.

Two pair of shifty eyes scout out the area. There's a
cloud
of dust on the road in the distance. Gael climbs out
and
walks toward it. He moves fast, with a limp-hop.
Etienne
follows, darts to catch up with him.

ETIENNE
Little ballsy, aren't we master?
You know that's THE SINNER'S road.
Whoever treads it is no good news.

GAEL
Good news are for fairy tales, my
boy. (Mumbles) SCAPE GOAT'S road
is more like it. (Clearly) Where
is that bush?

--Interactive

Players follow Gael as he zig-zags between the few
plants
that are not completely decimated. He mumbles as he
moves
between them. "Nope, no that one" or "can't find
anything
amongst these ashes". He tells Etienne to look for a
plant
with red buds on it and bring it to him.

Players must find the right bush. If they wander off
too
far, Gael calls them to come back, keeping them near.
After
they do so, Gael instructs them to collect some fresh
tall
grass and meet in the house. Gael tells them not to
get too
close to the road, they don't want to be seen
prematurely.

Players collect the grass. They must find patches that
are
in good shape - fresh, not too dry. After they've
collected
enough of it, Etienne heads back to the house. He
climbs
back in. Players might also find a sharp, broken
animal
bone. They can keep it if they wish.

(Note) The dust cloud is slowly moving down the path,
as
players gather the ingredients. There's an unspecified
time
limit (as in, no timer). Gael occasionally hurries
Etienne,
more aggressively so, as the dust veil moves down the
road.
The path disappears in a forest; that is the time
limit.



INT. GAEL'S HUT

Etienne steps back into the gloominess of the hut.
Gael is
pacing back and forth with a mortar and pestle,
grinding up
the buds and adding something else. He looks over at
Etienne
with relief and hands him the mortar and pestle.

GAEL
Finish mixing this up, will you?

Gael heads to one of the wall curtains and peels it
back,
revealing a small passage. He disappears into it.

ETIENNE
But what am I doing master?

GAEL
Just mix those three until you get
it right.

Etienne tries to say something else, but Gael waves him
off
and ducks into the passageway.

Mini Game: The mortar has three chambers, filled with
different contents. Players must mix the three
ingredients
together in proper quantities. As they get closer to
finishing the task, the mixture start glowing. That is
the
indicator that they are getting it right.

When players complete the task, master comes out from
behind
the curtain, scroll tucked under the arm. He tugs on
his
pants. Sets the scroll down on the table and walks
back over
to a rope coming through a chute in the ceiling. He
pulls on
it, we hear a wooden bucket banging on rocks as it
moves up
the well. It hits something with a squeak. We hear
water
and sloppy sounds from outside. They roll down "the
roof".

Etienne grimaces. Gael releases the rope, the bucket
comes
back down with a bang. He walks up to Etienne and
peeks into
the mortar. Smiles and whisks the bowl out of his
arms. He
then sticks a finger in there and tastes it. Gloats.
Starts
eating it. Etienne looks confused.

ETIENNE
Was this just for food? What about
"time of truth... upon us" thing?

Etienne mocks Gael, raising his finger and bowing his
brows
as he says that. Gael smirks. Etienne catches that
and
glows happy, joke's on master this time.

GAEL
You see Etienne, we will define our
next journey. With time you will
learn which path you want to
travel, and these amalgamations are
the key to your voyages.

He dips his finger into the bowl, then hands it to
Etienne.

GAEL
Eat.

Gael draws a symbol with his finger on Etienne's
forehead,
then does the same for himself. Etienne finishes up
the
paste. Their foreheads glow in the dim room.

GAEL
But, before we move on, you need to
finish one last task. Make us a
rope from this grass.

Mini Game: Players must figure out the proper order of
buttons to repeat the weaving gestures to make the
rope.
Once they figure out the pattern it's a matter of
repeating
it enough times.

When players finish the rope, Gael walks over to a
shelf and
takes something off of it. He comes back over to
Etienne.

GAEL
This is your ultimate weapon. Take
good care of it.

He hands Etienne a shard of glass, in a simple wooden
frame.

ETIENNE
What's this for?

GAEL
When the time comes, you will know,
kiddo. You will know.

Etienne takes the device and hides it in his sleeve.

GAEL
Tie that rope up to the window.

Etienne ties the rope to the frame underneath the
skylight.
Gael motions for them to sit. They do. The rope is
dangling
between them.

GAEL
Close you eyes Etienne. Let us
flow with our minds once again.

FADE TO
WHITE:

Mini Game: Colorful ribbons streak the screen.
Players have
to catch and assemble them into the last shot players
saw
before the screen faded to white. It is an abstract
version
of the place. Music build up as they put it together.

When they finished, the music dies, the puzzle shatters
and
they are standing in the middle of the new environment.



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS RAVINE - OTHER PLANE

The rope is a massive stalk now, walls are encircling
cliffs,
shelves and table are ledges. Posts - massive columns,
weathered with age. Immense light penetrates the area
through where the oculus once was. Painting-like.

Challenge: Players have to make their way up to the
top of
the cliffs. If they picked up the animal bone when
collecting grass, they can see it as a short dagger in
their
inventory. They can cut down some vines and string
them
together to make another rope with which to climb the
stalk
up to the top. They have to toss it up to a higher
branch
(?mini game), climb it, unwind it and do it again.

If they did not get the bone they have to scale the
ledges
and columns circling around the perimeter. Should be
longer
and a little harder. As Etienne makes his way up, Gael
appears by his side at random. It boggles Etienne.

The first time Gael appears to Etienne, it is sudden
and
unexpected. Etienne nearly goes tumbling back down.

ETIENNE
Whoa!! How did...!?

Gael grabs him by the gi, helps him regain his
balance.
Etienne stares at him stunned.

GAEL
No one said you have to take the
hard way up.

Etienne looks down and behind him. He looks back up...

ETIENNE
But...

... Gael is gone. Etienne stands for a moment,
puzzled.
Shrugs it off, keeps climbing.

When Gael appears for the second time, Etienne grabs
for
something to pull himself up. It happens to be Gael's
leg.

GAEL
Trying to take me down with you,
huh? Ow!!

We hear a string popping sound, Etienne's hand comes
into
shot, hand full of leg hair.

ETIENNE
So sorry master.

He hands the hair back to him. Gael slaps his palm
away,
flustered, rubbing his leg. Etienne grins
embarrassed. He
bends down to undo the rope (or shake the dirt off his
knees,
depending on which route the players take). When he
stands
back up Gael is gone again.

ETIENNE
Not again.

As he gets to the top, from either route, he moves onto
a
ledge. There's a number of protrusions in the cliff,
leading
up to a weave of small plants handing down from an
overgrown
mushroom at the top of the climb.

Challenge: Players match buttons to climb out. If
they
fail, they fall back down to the ledge below and try
again.



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS VISTA - OTHER PLANE

When players get out, a vivid vista opens up to them.
The
sky is beautiful and clear. Clouds are strokes of
paint
creeping across the sky. The forest is alive. The
castle is
an enormous tree. Everything is in bloom. Painterly.

Etienne walks around the mushroom, curious. He tries
to use
his dagger (or hand) to peel a piece of it off. The
mushroom
jerks.

GAEL
Ouch!

Etienne hops back. The mushroom bursts. The plume
settles,
Gael is standing in the center of it. He's rubbing his
bottom.

GAEL
You can't eat everything you come
across. Didn't you hear that as a
child? Ow.

Gael tisks, shakes his head. Etienne looks at the
ground.

ETIENNE
Sorry master, but you looked so
delicious.

GAEL
Now that you did all that climbing,
I will show you how it should be
done. You best hang on.

Gael grabs Etienne's wrist, his feet come off the
ground, he
compresses into a ball. White energy surrounds him.

FADE TO
WHITE:

CUT
TO:



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS ROAD FORK - OTHER PLANE

Gael and Etienne are standing near the fork. There are
four
clumps of wax resembling humans on the road, the dust
around
them swirls in slow motion. The clumps are moving
slowly as
well.

The tree behind them looks identical to the one in the
real
world. Everything else is vivid and full of motion. A
splash of paint resembling a bird slowly swoops down on
them.

ETIENNE
That was intense.

He's gazing around. Gael points at the clumps on the
road.

GAEL
Look through your lens Etienne.
Look at these globs.

--Interactive

Players take out the lens. Its wooden frame has turned
to an
ornate metal ring, gold on one side and silver on the
other.
They look up at the statues through the silver side of
the
lens. They can see through the plane into the real
world.
It is a couple of pikemen leading two prisoners.
Prisoners
are shackled at the feet, with a wooden block at the
neck.

Etienne looks back at Gael. In his place is a twisted
stump
of a tree, naked. It almost looks like it has a face
in it.

They are moving in slow motion. Players must walk up
to
them, take hold of them and walk them into the other
plane,
while keeping the lens pointing at them. If they turn
away
or put away the lens, prisoners transform into waxy
blobs
again and lock Etienne's hand within themselves.

They are still moving in slow motion.

ETIENNE
Master, we won't get anywhere at
this speed.

GAEL
(Squeaks like a tree) Take a closer
look at your glass Etienne.

Players examine then flip the glass to the golden side
of the
lens. They gain the ability to move in real time.

PRISONER #1
What...? What's going on? What is
this? Where...

ETIENNE
Follow me, I mean well.

Players walk the prisoner into the nearby tall grass,
hide
and leave them. There is a balancing game (like
walking on
edges in many games), where Etienne tries to keep the
prisoners from falling over, encumbered by their
restraints.

CUT
TO:



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS ROAD FORK

Soldiers are looking stunned as one prisoner vanishes.

CUT
TO:



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS ROAD FORK - OTHER PLANE

Players go back for the second one. If they look at
Gael
(tree), he has little buds sprouting on his twiggy
branches.

They must flip the glass again, to snatch them away in
slo
mo. If they look at them through the golden side, Gael
will
respond.

GAEL
You can never nab them at that
speed. Work smart kiddo.

Or

GAEL
They will get away at that speed.
What are you doing?

Players take the second prisoner, and repeat the
routine.
The guards are starting to develop the surprised
expression
on their faces, over the disappeared prisoner,
depending on
how long they were exposed to the golden side of the
lens.

PRISONER #2
Stop! I didn't do anything. Demon!
Let me go, please, let me.

ETIENNE
Don't worry, I'm the good guy.

Players have the same mini-game, but now it is harder,
because the prisoner is wiggling, trying to get way
from
Etienne. He comes down when they get to the tall grass
and
he sees the first guy ducking in the overgrowth.

GAEL
Good work kiddo. Now set those
poor bastards free.

Gael's (tree) buds are starting to swell. Ready to
pop.

Player have to look at the soldiers through the golden
side.

SOLDIER #1
Sweet mercy!! Where did they go?
Lets go, lets get out of here.

SOLDIER #2
We'll tell them they got rowdy
and... we had to get rid of them.
No one would believe this anyway.

Players watch them as they scurry away. They come back
to
where Gael (tree) is. He's convulsing. As his buds
burst,
he releases his last whisper and deflates like a
balloon.

GAEL
See you on the other side, kiddo.

Etienne tries to hold him. His flat and flabby like a
sock.

ETIENNE
Wait master! How do I get back to
our world?

GAEL (O.S.)
Look for that which is constant in
both worlds.

Players need to approach the realistic tree in the fork
and
touch it. Etienne's feet float up off the ground.
He's
clearly surprised by this. Music builds up. He
contorts
into a ball, glowing brighter (whichever color the
forehead
salve was). Winds and dust envelop him. Music cuts.

FADE TO
WHITE:



EXT. RAVIEN - MONTAGNON PASS ROAD FORK

Etienne is standing at the fork in the road. Gael is
approaching him. Chest like a barrel, proud of his
pupil.

GAEL
Job well done. Your family would
be proud of you. I am...

Etienne tries to dart for the grass. Gael catches him
by the
wrist and tugs him back.

GAEL
They are gone. Off back to Ravien.
Even a certain death does not deter
them. They go right back into the
monster's nest.

He sighs deeply. Etienne puts his hand on master's
shoulder.

ETIENNE
Come master. We need a break.

Gael jumps up, straightens out. Looks at Etienne with
determination.

GAEL
No time for that, my boy. We must
go into Ravien as well.

Gael picks up a stick, tests it against his knee. It
is
sturdy.

GAEL
I'm ready. Let's move out.

ETIENNE
Ravien?! Isn't that dangerous,
master? That is the front of the
war.

GAEL
And that is where we are needed
most. Come now.

Gael spins around and limps down the road, leading into
the
nearby forest. Etienne stand confused for a second.
Looks
up at the tree. It is the only colorful thing in this
burnt
out, smoldering world. He breathes deeply and runs to
catch
up with Gael.

As they walk away from the camera, they get more and
more
obscured by smoke puffs blowing across the field. They
chat
as they walk:

ETIENNE
So, I hear their hare kebobs are
pretty good there?

GAEL
The best in the region. You'll
drool like my cousin Andre.

ETIENNE
(Pause) Where will we stay?

GAEL
I have an old friend there. He
owes me a favor.

ETIENNE
Oh... what's that?

SLOW FADE
TO

BLACK:

GAEL
I got him out of a very messy
situation. You know. Girl...
Rumors... Big names involved...
Talk of the town...

ETIENNE
Ah, how interesting. (Pause) How
ARE the ladies there?

GAEL
Well, now with the war and all,
it's slim pickings. But in the
good old days...

ETIENNE
Oh... what a shame. Now that I
finally get to visit.

BLACK
SCREEN:

Players hear a stomach gurgle.

ETIENNE
I'm getting hungry master. Can we
stop to have a bite?

GAEL
Ahh... um... well... we'll pick you
some berries on the way or
(mumbles) something..

Credits roll:

[Gera Gundorov]

Man, that format is all fucked up now!!! Read the .txt I sent you
all. Plz, spare yourselves the pain!!!

Gera