Unlucky Family
Curtis Cassel
How do you break a "family curse" or "streak of bad luck" ?
Many people go through life with things handed to them on a silver platter and some have to claw for each little tidbit that they get. Why is it some people have what is "called good luck" while others go with the flow and still others have a "cursed" or "unlucky" life? How would one break the streak of bad luck or break the curse that the "just plain unlucky" has?
Luck and curses are meaningless concepts. It's all based on one's perception and how they process what has happened. Say you had a bad day at work, but ran into an old friend at lunch and had a fun hour. At the end of the day, do you go on and on about your reunion with the friend, or how bad work was? Both things happened, but which one you dwell on determines how happy or sad you are going to be.
There is a quote that I throw around a lot that says "Hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." And, I've latched onto the 'drinking poison' part of this. People who perceive themselves as unlucky are the ones that like to drink the poison. They dwell on the negative aspects of the day, shunning those that were good. They think about it and agonize over it until their outlook is poisoned into thinking they are cursed. People who are 'lucky' are just people who dwell on the positive, or can let the negative go. It's not easy to do, and it won't stop bad things from happening. But it makes the difference between long term happiness and long term depression.
Every problem has a source. If you spot the Truth of a problem, it (the problem) ceases to exist. As Jesus said, know the truth and the truth will set you free.
This is another way of saying, take 100% (or perfect) responsibility for the problem. Even if others seem to be the "cause," if you take 100% responsibility for their actions, then you are taking the altruistic viewpoint that is one of perfect love.
The really cool thing is, if you think you spotted the source of a problem and the problem continues to persist, then you have NOT found the Truth of the problem. Keep digging. Or ask God for help spotting the source. Allow the answer to come to you. If you do it correctly, it is entirely effortless.
This works for problems of any nature, including curses, bad luck, etc.
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Well, for a few people in my practice, and some I have personally known, going home is not an option. If you are lucky enough to have been raised in a loving, loyal, mostly sane family and can maintain those connections, great.
Some families score high on the hostility scale. Whether this is expressed through passive-aggressive action or outward insult, it can decimate a growing self. Little injuries accumulated over time or a few big assaults flatten self-esteem, sap confidence, and compromise the ability to trust.
The wish for it to be different makes one cling. We think if we keep trying, if only we change our own behavior or explain things better, we can stop the madness. We hope, wish, believe that the supposed loved ones will see what they do and stop doing it. We twist the truth to give them higher status as a benevolent being but this is a trap. The knowledge that you cannot do anything about what they do may save your life.
Yes, all families have issues. People bicker, compete, want what the other has, feel less loved, feel left out. But when push comes to shove, a good family stands behind you, is there for you, and wants to know what you went through. They care. Not every family actually loves.
The other good news is that throughout history, those with early injuries develop unusual strengths in later life. The wounds lead to generous, sometimes great actions. Suffering leads to strong character, practical success, and sensitivity to others.
Carrie Barron, M.D., is the Director of the Creativity for Resilience Program at Dell Medical School in Austin, Texas, and is on the faculty of the Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons.
Paul and Michelle have been happily married for 22 years and have been blessed with 3 lovely children, Jade, William and Charlie. However, there was a time when this did not seem possible. Paul was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1999, not long after the birth of daughter Jade. More kids looked unlikely and the condition was also life threatening. Being the fighter he is, and with loving support from Michelle, Paul was able to win this battle.
Fast forward 20 years and two more children to October 2019. Paul now finds himself battling cancer again, having been diagnosed this time with a Grade 4 Glioblastoma (a serious brain tumour). Unfortunately, the prognosis is not good: inoperable & incurable.
Now they have some worries and not just about Paul's health and how long he can enjoy being with his family. There are serious financial issues to consider. First, Paul is unlikely to be able to work again. Also, Michelle is taking extended time off to look after Paul and has already used nearly all her paid sick leave. To add to their worries, Paul was never able to get insurance after his testicular cancer. Then there is the issue of potential drug treatments which offer some hope, but which are not funded by Pharmac, e.g. Avastin, which can cost as much as $35,000 every 6 months. In the meantime, the rent continues to be due every week, the two younger kids need looking after and some debt incurred visiting Paul's terminally ill friend in the UK recently needs to be repaid.
It is with much regret and a heavy heart that I share the latest update from Michelle. Paul's health has deteriorated further. The primary tumour has grown and there are two new tumours. Doctors have given Paul a maximum of 3 months. Please donate to support this beautiful and courageous family for the future they are now facing without their beloved Paul.
Fifty-one seasons ago I read that nestboxes should be spaced at least one hundred yards from other boxes in order for our Eastern Bluebirds to nest in peace. My first season in 1968 is a long time ago and you would expect that by now, I would have seen everything there is to see as I have religiously monitored my nestboxes every season.
Until 2018, the closest distance between two successful bluebird nests on my trails was recorded in 2006 when two pairs of bluebirds nested 70.7 yards apart within the Panhandle Road Grid in the Delaware Wildlife Area. The grid was set up for Tree Swallows and consisted of six rows of nestboxes spaced with 25 yards between boxes and rows of boxes. When four boxes are spaced at 25 yards to make a square, the diagonal is 35.36 yards. The bluebirds had nested in boxes two diagonals apart for a distance of two times 35.36 yards, or 70.7 yards. I assumed that their hunting territories were separate and opposite.
June 18 and 22 were the first-egg-dates for the bluebird nests in 2006 and both nests became successful by fledging four and two, respectively. At the time, I was very impressed since both bluebird families had followed successful Tree Swallow families in the same boxes.
Other bluebirders have reported bluebird pairs nesting less than one hundred yards apart, but there were tall houses standing between their nestboxes. Our homes can effectively separate territories so bluebirds can comfortably nest in the front and backyards while being mostly unaware of their close neighbors.
On July 7, I opened Box-9 to count three bluebird eggs. The next box, Box-8, held a bluebird nest made of pine needles that told me that the nest had been built during rainy weather. Wet pine needles keep their shape to make nest building possible, while wet grass loses its shape and collapses like shoe strings.
So, what did I observe at the site during 51 minutes? At Box-8, adult bluebirds landed and entered the nest cavity to feed young thirteen times. The male attended to his family eight times while the female fed her nestlings five times. Most food items were large enough to be visible with bare, green caterpillars being the most common.
Box-9 was another story. After no bluebirds landed on the box for 42 minutes, I had a strong feeling of doom. When a female bluebird finally landed on the front of the box with a large green caterpillar in her bill, I started to think positively, but not for long. The female leaned her head into the entrance, leaned back, and swallowed her intended food item. Her behavior told me that her nestlings were dead.
After I had loaded my equipment in my car, it was time for the last observation of my investigation. I opened both boxes to count four live nestlings in Box-8, and I found three dead nestlings in Box-9. The deceased had been dead for a day or more since I could smell a weak odor of death. Since I have salvage permits from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and the Ohio Division of Wildlife, I secured the unlucky nestlings in a sealed plastic bag and transferred them to my home freezer. They will be presented to the Ohio Wesleyan University Zoology Museum. At the least, their salvaged wings and tails can be used to teach feather emergence, etc.
The salvaged nestlings showed no evidence of violence so the reason for their deaths will remain a mystery. Nonetheless, as I checked Box-8, the parents were extremely vocal as they circled above me. They were a very active couple. Did they keep the other pair from feeding their young? I will encourage museum curators to weigh the remains.
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