Why one feels lonely and what can we do about it?

[Nishant Saini]

Why one feels lonely and what can we do about it?

Everyone feels a sense of isolation and loneliness at some point in their life and when a person usually feels disconnected and lonely, it causes depression. Have you ever thought what makes you feel lonely? Are you missing some loved one or do you feel lonely even when yuor loved ones are near you? Do you specially feel isolated in crowd... in a parties, social get togethers, family functions? Or you feel lonely only when you are really alone in a room with no one to actually talk to...do you really find yourself texting your friends...sending e-mails, visitng facebook...trying to call your family, friends or even distant friends and relatives when you are alone?

You must agree with me that the feeling of loneliness and despair caused by sense of isolation is dangerous and destructive for an individual.

If you feel lonely in crowds, functions, get togethers and parties, then it may be because of your fear to be rejected trying to mix up with other people, fear of not being accepted, a sense of rejection, shyness, lack of self confidence etc. I remember that I used to be very happy with my own classmates and my group of friends but when I used to visit other people with my parents (specially my father's friends and distant relatives) I used to feel very uncomfortable and isolated, lonely and excluded. I am not shy but a lack of self confidence caused me to feel that way. Over the time I gained self confidence because of my educational achievements and my knowledge over current affairs, politics, economy and history and I felt myself comfortable to indulge in any kind of conversations. The knowledge gave me power and I felt easier to mix up with new persons and easily accepted in new teams.

I would suggest to improve your personality, communication skills, read a lot to gain knowledge, keep funny stories and jokes handy to decorate your group conversations in parties and functions and be prepare to initiate conversation with strangers if you do not know many people out there. It has worked for me since I was a teenager and I have helped myself in recovering from my initial fear to attend parties and functions this way.

Do you think your English sucks, join a grammar class, pick up few novels and read on and try to imitate the style various characters in the novel speak up with; and most importantly speak with yourself when you are alone. Speaking in front of a mirror may help.

Do you think you look dumb and your personality sucks, then join personality development classes, get few pairs of latest design T-Shirts and jeans (or suits)...if you think you are overweight, try to reduce weight, go to gym and work out, start yoga or try General Motors Diet or consult a doctor...

There may be other traits that you may want to get over with and I ask you to identify and increase your confidence and feel better.

But if you are feeling lonely for a reason: after a recent break up or because your loved one is away for some inherent reason or your love relationship is spoiling over small tidbits that you might not want to care about... then it is really difficult situation. Constant criticism from your loved ones reduces self confidence and you may be left feeling emptiness, helpless, rejected and lonely.

You need to be patient, self confident and determined to tackle such difficult times. Do not try to think too much over what went wrong and how can you improve the situation and so on. All this thinking is of no use. First of all make you mood good. Recall what is your favorite food and cook the same or eat out. Call your friends whom you have not contacted for a while (there might be friends whom you do not call often but who make you feel good every time you talk to them). Recall your childhood memories, memories of your school, picnics with your friends and family, the first time skipping the class for a movie or a date, the first date, the farewell party at high school, the graduation day, the day when you shifted your new house, your very first birthday party that you remember, and other nostalgic memories that you find yourself excited to talk about. Play that cool song that you used to listen to and sing often when you were happy...Bring out your old music cds and give them a try... Bring out the old photo albums of yours and have a glance at each and every photo. Spend the day as you would like to... avoid any feelings that makes you sad... think only the things that make you happy...

When you feel better and self contained, then think over the current situation. Think if you are paying too much attention to the issues that could have been ignored like snoring of your spouse, habit of your loved one to keep the house in a mess or not rubbing the shoes on foot mat bringing all the mud in house or leaving the towel on bed or not ironing your clothes in time... Think if you could regulate the things without expecting any change in your partner. Think if you are not paying enough attention to the issues that are the real cause of the tension in your relations...such as excessive spending habits, excessive drinking, low income and so on. Try to find out any solutions that are acceptable to both of you or if you can help reduce the cause of tension like a part time job or controlling the spending or anything like that...

If it is time to get out of the relationship, then make a decision and start preparing yourself mentally... it may be difficult but it may be the only way to keep yourself happy...

There may be other reasons to loneliness as well but as soon as you find out what truly interests you and helps you getting over the stress, you can easily tackle the stress and feel happy and enjoy being alone.

All the best... feel better.






Thanks and regards,
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Nishant Saini
cell: +91 99718 00549
http://www.simplyjava.com/nishant

Check out my personal blog at http://nishant.simplyjava.com/ and technical blog at http://blog.simplyjava.com/. Please also have a look at http://www.simplyjava.com/ and http://www.adviteeya.com/

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[Noha Roshdy]

Great, amazing article good job

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Noha Roshdy

Central Bank of Egypt
RTGS Operations
Payment Systems Department

54 El-Gomhorya St., Down Town - Cairo, Egypt, 11511
Tel: +202 -1677 ext: 1511
Fax: +202 - 259 76 081
Mobile: +2010- 97 44 169
E-mail: noha....@cbe.org.eg

[Arun Jain]

hi nishant,

 

how are you doing man....Good article...Please keep up the good work..

 

take care

 

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Thanks & Regards :-
Arun Jain (Unix Admin)
Hewlett Packard / Maruti Suzuki, Gurgaon
+919958896779
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