Fat-Pie Newsletter#32 - May 2021

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Fat-Pie NEWSLETTER

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May 6, 2021, 11:17:55 AM5/6/21
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Fat-Pie Newsletter #32 (May 2021)

"No news is good news. Except when it comes to the Fat-Pie Newsletter."

What an opening line. People should get that tattooed on their chests backwards so they can read it in the mirror. It should be engraved in stone above government buildings and around the edge of the pound coin (in Latin, if you must). Because it's true. It's the only truth we can be certain of in these uncertain times....and I remember CERTAIN times. We were so certain about everything. I was certain about the curtains. Now I just don't know.
It's only been two things since the last newsletter. And that was packed with things. Well, maybe I'm upping the frequency at the expense of content with these digital pamphlets -it'd feel wrong not to. 

NEWS

The actual news is accessible from your local media outlets and papers. I wouldn't recommend the Fat-Pie Newsletter as your ONLY source of news, it's always good to get a second angle on things. Plus, my sports pull-out supplement is known to be "flimsy and badly constructed" - that was according to Pull-Out Supplement Review, which I have heard are owned by a direct competitor so I'd take their words with a grain of salt.

Burnt Face Man 10

Here we go. This is the real meat and potatoes. The good stuff. It's only been 11 years since the last instalment, you impatient cows! Give me a second will you! Well, you did. In fact you gave me 356,223,628 seconds, and I used every single one of those to craft the perfect episode. Actually, that's a lie --it took a few months. This episode is about naughty men using a time portal to escape punishment for their dirty doings. It's up to BURNT FACE MAN to stop them! And of course, hilarity ensues. Watch it 67 times to get the most out of it. I may not have the viewing figures of most of the notable content creators out there, but if you all watch my stuff an abnormal number times then we'll start catching up!

New Locust Toybox Album "When We Implode"

This one is of the ambient flavour but not without the occasional groove. I didn't go full monged out but it dips its toes liberally into the puddle of the ethereal. It's a good bath listen. Your nanna won't be able to hear it, due to the fact she's lost most her frequencies. Probably in the war. But I reckon you could enjoy this on 40% hearing. Better than listening to people shouting their mates from one end of the street to the other. EEERRRREEEE! Gavin! Bloody Gavin. GIZ A CIGGI. And so on. It sounds loads better than that. I don't think I'm selling it very well. There are no songs about girls in nightclubs or boasts about cars and jewellery so if that's your thing then move on. 
Just imagine being disappointed if an album didn't contain enough boasts. Well mine has none. Sorry. I'm probably the best at not boasting.


It's on Bandcamp but also Spotify, and let's be fair. If you've got Spotify then you aren't wasting your time DOWNLOADING something. Like it's the 1990s or something. There are other music services no one uses as well, like DEEZER. It's on them all.

Graham's Hot Porridge

Well you might have noticed that I have run out of the big hitters now. Not that GHP isn't a big hitter in my books. It's a stone cold classic. Good times on toast. But it's not for us all. Like all of the Fat-Pie stuff it's an acquired taste.....apart from Salad Fingers which miraculously dips its tentacles into the mainstream with the mindless indifference of a toddler wandering over to a gang of thugs on the street. Watched by mums and doctors. Nuns and tramps. I don't know how it does it. If I had any sense I'd drop everything and make 50 episodes in row. I'd make them all exactly the same and release them on time. I'd have all the hits, a bucket of tits and feel dead inside. But money and social media follows are all that matters. Aren't they? No. And so we have Graham's Hot Porridge. A lovely little weekly stream that currently goes out 8pm (UK time) every Wednesday (and sometimes Tuesday and sometimes late and sometimes not at all) Where GRAHAM (from WallerFM) and his co-host Terry play retro games that you've never heard of competitively. 

The normies might look on and make some dismissive sound out the side of their mouths to condescendingly ask "really?" while spending as little energy as possible to express contempt, in the same way the cool kids at school dismissed any interest or activity that stretched beyond leaning against walls and making their hair look nice. But the real cool cats, the real fringe players will see that something really is happening here. It's a level of fun and unpredictability that you can't find on Disney Plus or your PS5s. It's a world of mystery and magic; a land of discovery and adventure. You honestly haven't truly experienced life until you've bet 5k of your channel points on a heated game of Side Pocket on the SEGA Megadrive. 

My Shop

The final item in today's hearings is what keeps this all going. I try every way I can to keep it all making money whilst I keep it real. Like rappers used to say KEEP IT REAL. But they're hypocrites mostly because Snoop Dogg would advertise oil spills if you paid him enough. They're the worst of them all. Don't follow their lead. Lil Wayne and 50 Cent endorsing TRUMP. Dirty money at play there. Where as I only deal in clean money. Like I said keep it real. You won't find Eminem playing Poy Poy against Nas on a janky PS1 emulator over Parsec for 150 people on a weeknight. That's because they have better things to do and I don't. 
Still there's no license fee for my stream of nonsense. I just hope people like it enough to buy something or subscribe occasionally. No pressure either. If you're watching that's enough. But if it's not enough for you then the best way to help is buy some stuff. And I honestly think these are good products.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that is the end of the news. The good news is your house didn't burn down and you don't have AIDS, unless it did and you have. Here's a recap:

⦁ Graham's Hot Porridge: Every Wednesday 8pm https://www.twitch.tv/davidfirth 

And of course the mother ship that is https://www.fat-pie.com

-David
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