Fairly Universal Nonsense for October 12, 2008

[J NA]

Falling in love prescription: "Don't do things like have
smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention
ain't the same thing as love."
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Ever Wonder Why
1. You can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. People order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. We use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.
8. We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. They have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
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A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos
that covered one wall in their basement. Out of sight but not
out of earshot, her mother overheard her say, "Here's a picture
of my mommy when she was a little girl. I wasn't there, but
people say she used to be nice."
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A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."

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