Fairly Universal Nonsense

Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year. --------------------

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. - Janette Barber --------

"When I'm driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down,

When there's a will, I want to be in it! -------------------------------------------- A young man

"I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just before I went under I heard the

Falling in love prescription: "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? ----------------------------------------- I sat there

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian ---------------------------

Honk if you love Peace and Quiet ----------------------------------------------- A pickpocket was

"I found myself utterly depressed the other day and spent the entire afternoon listening to

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ------------------------------------------ The rabbi

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep ---------------------------------------------

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools ----------------------------------

Porque el miedo, sin ser Dios, suele hacer algo de nada. (Fear can, though it is not God, create

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him,

I know it hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle without a seat, but it hurts. - Lt. Frank

There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over ------

For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short,

Experience is what you get just after you need it --------------------------------------------------

It was a solemn occasion, planning Mom's funeral, and us kids were gathered around the kitchen

Our daughter signed up for shop class because she thought it meant visiting different malls. - Syman

"There are two kinds of people who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told,

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? --------------------------

When in doubt empty the magazine. --------------------------------------- A man standing in line at a

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? ------------------------------------------------------

"When I'm driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down,

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? ---------------

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? -