MUSIC: One night in heaven
eye WEEKLY
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eye WEEKLY October 10, 1996
Toronto's arts newspaper .....free every Thursday
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MUSIC MUSIC
ONE NIGHT IN HEAVEN
by
JIMMY RICOLA
Classy Kim Mitchell-esque patio lanterns decorate the boudoir, the
stack by the CD player is loaded with the creme de la creme of
Canadian dance compilations and you spin your honey of indeterminate
gender around the room as the first beats blast out of your fancy-ass
Celestion speakers and you're suddenly swimming in... bouzoukis.
Despite the fact that you've been to several Greek weddings -- several
of them your own -- you're never heard quite so stirring a rendition
of "Zorba" as on Bouzouki Party Pa (Tycoon/BMG), laden with doot-
doots, accelerating bpm's and the sound of smashing plates. Yes, this
rates as the most bizarre track out of the most recent trailer-load of
Candance comps, but perhaps only by a (Grecian Formula'd) hair. The
world as you understand it is awash in dance music styles united only
by Roland synthesizer drum presets. This is not your father's disco --
by the way, somebody just stole your Oldsmobile.
Before the mood wanes, you reach for a party-for-two saver --
Bimbomania (Somanima/Quality). Yes, Bimbomania. Featuring four
versions of that other Latin dance craze, "El Bimbo," it takes you to
another cheery part of the globe, lights you a Havana and teaches you
that there are several meanings for the word "slag." You attempt to
ride the vibe but Club Rumba Latina (Ariola/BMG) gives you unhappy
memories of the time you spent hanging with Gerardo (why doesn't he
call?). In need of an uplift, you reach for Make 'Em Mokum Crazy
(Attic/MCA), on which a variety of "popcore"-obsessed Dutch people
have apparently sampled all the intros to ABBA's hits and doubled the
speeds, begetting the question, "Can someone be too happy?" This isn't
your father's Es and Whizz.
You notice your partner cavorting lasciviously with a lampstand.
Quick! Chill out! Journeys By DJ by the English duo Coldcut
(JDJ/Cargo) puts more meat on the beats (though hopefully that beef is
imported) and despite the occasional squall of breakbeats, this
progressive techno stuff soothes your nerves and you convince your
significant other to pay attention to that really-fast-nodding thing
you do with your head. Gosh, your hair looks fantastic. And
his/her/its curfew is still hours away...
Energy Mix (Quality) disappoints you only when you realize that you
already own 17 compilations featuring Full Intention's "America (I
Love America)" and you get a little misty-eyed over the fact that Bob
Dole's gonna get his ass kicked. What does Whigfield think about this?
Beatclub (Ariola/BMG) proves that Canadians can make Eurohouse-style
dance music as slick as, well, Euros can, but at least we can come up
with cleverer group titles (hello, Middle Phinger) and Dream
Dimension's "I Like This Feeling" is the closest thing you've heard to
Thelma Houston's "Saturday Night, Sunday Morning" tonight and that's a
very, very good thing.
It's a diva moment and your would-be mate cries for "Cher! Cher!
Cher!" as Dance Hits All Stars '96 (Popular/ Warner) delivers that
storming cover of "Walking In Memphis." Lots of hits you actually
recognize -- a freshly mixed "Macarena," Everything But The Girl, more
Whigfield and no Full Intention -- but Bananarama's just a very pale
shadow of their former selves, aren't they? Pop '96 (Popular/Warner),
recorded live at Whiskey Saigon with your close personal friend DJ
Mike E. Mike, is all throb -- you're pleased that you kept fresh
towels nearby. A pique of sexual frenzy accompanies "Up To No Good" by
the Porn Kings and you feel compelled to re-enact a scene from Crash,
which you actually haven't seen yet but you've been assured that it's
at least as filthy as that Piano movie. Needless to say, you're much
too busy gettin' it on to think about whether it's legal in this
country to marry your cousin.
In a less hectic mood, you're very pleased to hear the "sweet 'n' slow
jams" on Love Me Down (Ariola/BMG). God of sex R. Kelly has sanctified
your scene of carnality, and by the time SWV croon their finest
single, "Right Here/Human Nature," you feel much too good to stay
awake...
Dawn breaks. She/he left hours ago, happy to spend one night in heaven
and leave with bus fare. You, lying in a room filled with oily CDs and
soiled towels, are the coolest person you know.
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