EYE ON: Booze me up, sugar
eye WEEKLY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eye WEEKLY October 10, 1996
Toronto's arts newspaper .....free every Thursday
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EYE ON EYE ON
BOOZE ME UP, SUGAR
by
HOLLY GOES
Can I buy you a drink?" Duh, of course. How often have we heard that
tired and redundant old line? Even "Excuse me, but I'd like to buy you
a drink" is better -- that way I can take the drink and not feel
guilty about refusing to talk to you afterwards.
But what ever happened to creativity when it comes to buying drinks?
Why not walk up to the hot-blooded honey who made your jaw drop when
she walked in and offer her a kir royale? (That's champagne and cassis
to the uninitiated.) OK, maybe some clubs don't offer champagne by the
glass, but something equally glamorous or fruity will suffice. And
while you may wish to impress the luscious lady of your choice with
your knowledge of single-malt scotches, understand, Andrew, that she
may not be into the hard stuff like you are.
Hoping to find some creativity amongst club-going Torontonians (that
would be all of you), I enlisted the help of Susannah and Soomi K.,
twin club vixens adept at sniffing out hapless, drink-buying men and
sealing their fates with long lashes and longer legs.
We started touring the usual club circuit, going from Taboo at Yonge
and Eglinton back down to the tried and true downtown core. The
general offers we received, however, ranged from the ordinary "Can I
buy you another of what you're drinking?" to the disappointing "Can I
get you a Blue?" As we drowned our sorrows at Guvernment over the lack
of drink-buying artistry among Toronto lads, we did what any group of
miserable tipsy young things would do: attempt to commiserate with the
bartender.
Luckily, we were being served by the "bartendress-with-the-mostess,"
my candidate for the cutest, perkiest, friendliest bartender in
Toronto, the lovely Eloisa. She related to us perfectly, as she longed
for a man who could order her a perfectly mixed martini and scowled as
she thought of the fools who approached her for bourbon and then
requested Jack Daniel's. As our collective buzz began to wane, and the
money clips surrounding us began to thin, we decided to head out into
the night once more.
Soomi K. being the alternative black-leather wearing type of babe, we
ended up at Catch 22 where we discovered (to our surprise) that the
best drink was being mixed up by the master-mixer behind the bar,
Suzette. Called an LSD, this drink is one part vodka, one part
sambuca, one part banana and a mix of a secret ingredient, which makes
it go down without that nasty alcohol taste. Don't let the delicious
taste of bananas fool you though -- a quick six or seven of these
later and you'll find yourself giving your best friend's phone number
to some guy you normally wouldn't even give the chance to walk your
dog!
As 2 a.m. came around and legal bars were closing we learned the most
important truth about drinking: when you've been drinking since 8 and
it's fast approaching 4, but your drinking choices are limited to
either beer or vodka served in a Styrofoam cup, it's time to switch to
Coke.
In the contest of drink-buying, the losers would be beer-buyers, with
martini-makers somewhere in the middle range. For me, the drink-
offering winner comes from the surfer babe I met at Oz who wanted to
buy me a shot of Jack Daniel's straight up. While not every girl likes
her liquor hard, this one does!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Retransmit freely in cyberspace Author holds standard copyright
http://www.eye.net Mailing list available
music archives at ---------------------> http://www.eye.net/Arts/Music
e...@eye.net "...Break the Gutenberg Lock..." 416-971-8421