chuoba shaneaque armoured
Mateos Weinzapfel
Because it may seem like an innocent way of trying to figure things out. You or your spouse may be trying to understand how you got to this place in your marriage. And one, or both of you are thinking if your marriage was a mistake, maybe it should be ended.
Thinking your marriage was a mistake does not happen overnight. It usually develops with time. And this is not an independent thought that just stands on its own. This thinking occurs during times of trouble and is always supported by other faulty reasonings.
I firmly believe, this design by God goes much further than physical differences. While I understand the need for common ground between a husband and wife. I also know how valuable it is for husband and wives to come together with different strengths, different talents, and different views
Life can be tough sometimes. Mix in the toughness of life and the selfishness we are all capable of, it is easy to understand why conflict happens. But, this does not mean your marriage was a mistake.
Even if you and your spouse are very different from each other. At least you have your marriage covenant to share in common. And with covenant as your foundation, you can build something unique. You can build a marriage that reflects both of you.
If you and your spouse have a hard time getting along, your covenant can guide you to a place of peace. All you have to do is focus more on honoring your covenant and less on the issues that pull you apart.
i have been married nearly four years. my husband and i have had a horrendous time and i relate so much to the reasonings here. i appreciate coming across this site and would appreciate your prayers for us , thank you
Yeah, this is a lot of religiousity-based BS. The bottom line is, we are all damaged individuals in some way, and the truth is that some combinations of people are TOXIC to each other. The sooner this realization occurs, the sooner that the situation can be rectified. Additionally, it is my belief that some people should NEVER marry, as their personalities are so selfish or Narcissistic that they should never be in a binding marital arrangement with another person who depends on them for emotional support.
Its beautiful to see people post Gods truth on marriage to guide those hurting in the right path. There are so many social media posts that will quickly encourage people with the idea of *your marriage was a mistake, pull out and gain freedom*
This post redirects us on how to think about our marriage.
My marriage of 40+ years WAS a big mistake. I found out he cheated on me a few days before he died. He was always a flirt, he would even flirt with other women right in front of me. Why did I stay with him for so long? I had nowhere else to go and could not support myself and 4 small kids on my measly salary, so yes I was the idiot for staying in that miserable marriage. Mary.
Hi @KathrynG3, I recognize that this chat is (somewhat) old, but I just encountered a similar problem and I need advice from someone knowledgeable (and I'm not sure how to consult with a TurboTax professional by phone). In 2020, I filed Single because my 2020 marriage was abroad, my husband lives abroad (and has never earned any US income), and I got some bad advice from people I thought I could trust who were in similar situations (that your foreign marriage doesn't "count" in the US until it is registered in the US). I have now been told that that is fraudulent and carries penalties of up to $250,000 and three years in jail. (See -file-single-married.) Yet you recommended a simple amendment from Single to Married Filing Separately. Is it really so simple? On my amendment explanation, can I just say that I accidentally filed Single? And poof, it just goes away? Or do I end up in jail for three years? (If it helps to know, my federal tax due now when I did the amendment electronically - though I haven't filed it yet - is $0. For my state tax, the amendment shows that I need to pay $15 more only. It should be fairly obvious that I did not file Single in order to save money.) But the possible penalty has me very worried! Please share your thoughts and experience.
Yes, it is that simple. If you filed using TurboTax, all you need to do is log into your TurboTax account then click on Amend My Return , make the change from Single to Married Filing Separately, and then print your return.
TurboTax will ask for your spouses name and Social Security Number(SSN). If your spouse is a Non-Resident Alien (NRA) and does not have a SSN, you will need to handwrite NRA in all the spaces that ask for a SSN.
Not long ago I heard of a couple who were calling it quits and getting a divorce. They are not youngsters and have been married for many years. The gentleman explained to me that it was not over anything dramatic such as an affair or significant change in finances, but simply that they "had grown apart."
It always saddens me when I hear this because I feel it could have very easily been avoided. I am sure there were many things I am unaware of that went on in the privacy of his marriage, and while I understand that each relationship is unique, there are nevertheless certain truths and rules of relationships that breed success, or lack thereof as the case may be.
When a couple first meet they are very excited about one another. There is energy and discovery in the relationship and they spend tons of time together getting to know one another. The courtship process continues this way until the big day, the wedding, and then some. The first years are hopeful, energetic, dynamic and bursting with excitement.
But as the years go by and the young couple settles into a certain routine, new events enter and creep into their lives. There is making a living, a child or two or three show up; they have their interests, some shared, most not. The job(s) have their demands, kids get older; there is carpool, homework, after school activities. They look for and buy a home and that too has many demands of time, energy and effort. Not only is there mortgage, but new furnishings, fixing old ones, a sprinkler system that always seems to be on the blink, redoing the bathroom, getting rid of the old smelly carpet and "shall we choose laminated wood, engineered wood or solid; how about bamboo, I hear it is eco-friendly?"
And so the older the couple gets, the more stuff happens in their lives that demand their time and attention. And while all of these issues are certainly important, the couple finds that they no longer have time and energy for each other. Their relationship gets relegated to the back-burner because there are so many imminent and important things to take care of. And lo and behold, before they know it, not only is that spark from their dating days long dead, there is very little sharing happening between them. They gradually become estranged from each other.
If this couple who are now in their 20th year of marriage would go back in time and revisit those days of early courtship, they would find something fascinating. They would see that when they told their friends that they had "just met the greatest guy/gal in the world," they didn't describe him/her like this: "He is so terrific, he is going to make every mortgage payment on time and not only that, but every car payment too!... and for two cars!... and both cars will be luxury vehicles!!" He certainly did not tell his friends, "She's the best... she is going to be so good at car pooling and making sure the house is clean and orderly and I just know that she is going to find the best pediatrician for our kids once we have some!!"
And while it is true that making mortgage and car payments on time are important, and finding a good pediatrician and caring for the kids is as well, this is not why you married this person. You married them because of who they are as a person, because you enjoyed spending time and sharing life with them. You married them for their soul, for their spirit, for who they are and not for what they would do or accomplish.
But people forget that and lose sight of it because when they first dated it came naturally and effortlessly. But once real life happened and there was more on the table, they forget that they now have to make much more of an effort to be with one another. They didn't shift gears to realize they have to fight for their time to be intimate - and I don't just mean physically (although that too). They never told their kids, "No, it's Daddy and Mommy's time" and didn't do the same to their jobs, their blackberrys, their computers and every other important obligation that seemed more pressing than each other.
Because if you don't fight for your relationship, if you don't nurture it, if you fail to constantly monitor it, then like every other thing that is neglected, it wilts and it dies. Maybe not the first day or week or month or year, but eventually it will ... ever so slowly.
A couple "grows apart" because they failed to put in the necessary care and time to ensure that they grow together and toward each other. And while every couple is guilty of this on some level, those who have an awareness of its danger have a chance at ensuring it doesn't harm their relationship beyond repair.
So put down your iPhone, get away from the computer, tell your kids to get lost (in a nice way), forget Home Depot and take your spouse, get a bottle of wine, have a drink, look her in the eye and recapture what you had when you first dated her so very long ago.
Rabbi Tzvi Nightingale is Director of Aish South Florida. Tzvi grew up in Toronto, Canada, home of the perennially losing Toronto Maple Leafs ice hockey team. He attended Aish Jerusalem in the summer of 1979, determined to gain access to great Jewish works and thinkers such as the Talmud and Maimonides. Little did he know that it would take far longer than two months; he ended up staying in Israel for nine years. He received rabbinic ordination in 1985 and met his wife Karen, who grew up in London and is the great-granddaughter of the former chief rabbi of Meshed, Iran. As can only happen in Israel, Canadian-Polish-Jewish became intertwined with British-Israeli-Persian. Rabbi Nightingale has been involved in Aish South Florida since 1989 and has been Executive Director since 1993. During that time he has met over 20,000 people who have attended Aish programs, but he does not remember all of their names. In the meantime, watching his beloved Maple Leafs not win a championship since 1967 has taught Rabbi Nightingale the importance of patiently waiting for the arrival of Moshiach.
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