anti-Dutch jokes wanted
Stefaan Verstraeten SH35 7061
In article <D252J...@cs.ruu.nl>, pwhp...@cs.ruu.nl (Peter van der Putten) writes:
>Subject: anti-Dutch jokes wanted
>Date: Mon, 9 Jan 95 13:55:07 MET
>
>The DMA (Dutch Masochist Association) is dying for some nasty jokes
>about our beloved tulip eating people below the sea level.
>Excluded are: any jokes in which you could replace 'Dutch' with
>'Scottish'.
>
>To give an example of an EXCLUDED joke:
>
> Why is the number one cause of death in the NL hypothermia?
>
> Because they lock themselves in their fridge to check if the lamp
> really goes off.
>
>Ha Ha. No, not funny!
>
No??? so how would you tell a _good_ joke about hollanders? Everybody knows
that Scots are just hollanders who crossed the channel swimming!! ;)
So a good, nasty dutch joke would be:
There was this dutch guy who went to a frituur on the Vogelmarkt asking for a
plastic fork. He gets one and goes away. The man in the frituur just thinks:
"well, what can you expect from hollanders." and he doesn't give it another
thought.
But this other guy comes and asks for a fork. He gets one and goes away. The
man in the frituur just thinks: "this must be the latest fashion in Holland."
and he starts to get curious.
Then a third guy comes and ask for a straw, so the man in the frituur ask if he
doesn't want a fork."
"No", the dutchman says, "somebody just vomitted over there, but the chunks
are already eaten, all that is left is the fluid stuff."
>To give an example of an INCLUDED joke:
>
> An RVD officer (Royal Intelligence Officer) comes to queen Beatrix
> and says: "Sire, I have two messages, a good and a bad one."
> Beatrix: "Well give me the good one first.."
> Officer: Well your husband Claus [suffering from severe depressions
> and Parkinson] has jumped out the window when he visited your father
> in hospital [Prince Bernhard is cuurently dying from pneumonia].
> Beatrix: "Oh, great. Finally we got rid of this old plonker! I
> will immediately inform my bonker Poncke."
> Officer: "Yeah, but the bad message is that he left the window
> open!!"
>
Sorry???? I don't understand half the joke, like who is this Poncke, and frankly
I don't think any normal person is interested in dutch politicians and princes
with Parkinson :)
so sorry, but I don't think we have any "intelligent dutch jokes" except for
this original posting (Dutch jokes, but not of them being cheap-scates).
If any dutch guy be upset by this and start sending "flemish jokes": I don't
think there are many, we haven't heard (or read before).
>Well we're curious. Just think of us of some sort of arrogant
>Germans.
Don't flatter yourself: nobody can beat the Germans in being arrogant ;),
but you're close.
>--
> /|
> / | Peter van der Putten
>/ | Dept. of Computer Science &
>\ | Dept. of Philosophy and Cognitive Artificial Intelligence
>
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remember: it's only when you lose something, that you can find it again
FIlip CAmerman
: From my last visit to Belgium, I think they are doing a pretty good job at it !!
: I have never met more arrogant people.
That's just coz you're Danish. We're very friendly to intelligent people.
--
FIlip CAmerman - STudent aan de VRije UNiversiteit van BRussel (VUB), BElgie.
WAt maakt heroisch? - TErzelfdertijd zijn hoogste lijden en zijn
hoogste verwachting tegemoet treden.
-- NIetzsche
captain nemo
>
> If any dutch guy be upset by this and start sending "flemish jokes": I don't
> think there are many, we haven't heard (or read before).
as told by Koff and Spitt, the flemish comedians
captain nemo
VERBRUGGEN Marc
Q. How can you notice that a ...(fill in appropriately) has used a text
processor ?
A. If you detect Tip-Ex on the screen
--
-----------------------------------------------------------
Marc Verbruggen-GZ3 tel : 03.450.33.49
Alcatel Bell Telephone fax : 03.450.35.95
de Villermontstraat 38 email : mv...@god.bel.alcatel.be
B-2550 Kontich
Belgium
"System Manager's Headaches Are Not Cured With Aspirin,
There Is A Better Way ..."
Didier Vereecke
he says: nice riot-guns, can i see one?
the owner says: no.
then the dutch guy asks: can i see some hand-granates?
the owner replies: no
the dutch asks again: then can i see some machine-guns?
the owner says no again.
then the dutchman shouts: do you have anything against dutch people ?
yes, answers the owner: riot-guns, handgranates and machine-guns ...
Kees van der Poel
>It's tiresome to post anti-Dutch jokes. People who don't know enough
>not to build their houses in floodplains deserve sympathy.
Here's the bite. I'm sure CNN made you an expert on dutch
"floodplains".
Kees
Henk van der Laak
>From: o...@zurich.ai.mit.edu (Oded Feingold)
>Subject: Re: anti-Dutch jokes wanted
>Date: 8 Feb 95 12:55:37
>It's tiresome to post anti-Dutch jokes. People who don't know enough
>not to build their houses in floodplains deserve sympathy.
It's not that we don't know that.
It's that we don't know how to stop the Belgian people cutting
their forests and digging their channels, one of the direct causes
of the recent floodings.
BTW Belgium was hit badly by the floodings as well.
===============================================================
Henk van der Laak, Eindhoven, Netherlands
E-mail: erse...@er.ele.tue.nl
"Remember that life is just like a Ferrari Testarossa.
You can't get the money together to buy it,
but if you have it, it runs incredibly fast."
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