* A closed mouth gathers no feet.
* A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
* A king's castle is his home.
* A penny saved is ridiculous.
* All that glitters has a high refractive index.
* Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
* Anarchy is better than no government at all.
* Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
* As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
* Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
* Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
* Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
* Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
* BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
* Computer hackers do it all night long.
* Computer modelers simulate it first.
* Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
* Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
* Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
* Courage is your greatest present need.
* CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.
* Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
* Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
* Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
* Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's
* Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
* Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
* Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
* Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
* Entropy isn't what it used to be.
* Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
* Familiarity breeds children.
* God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the
* Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
* GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.
* He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* Help support helpless victims of computer error.
* Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
* History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
* I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
* If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were
* If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
* I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
* In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
* It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
* It works better if you plug it in.
* It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
* Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
* KODACLONE - duplicating film.
* Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
* Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something
* Life's a bitch, then you die.
* Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
* Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
* MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
* Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
* NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning
* Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
* Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
* QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.
* QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
* Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
* Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
* Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
* Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
* SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
* SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
* The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
* The road to to success is always under construction.
* Those who can't write, write help files.
* To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
* To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
* Today is the last day of your life so far.
* TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
* Wasting time is an important part of life.
* When all else fails, read the instructions.
* When in doubt, don't bother.
* When in doubt, ignore it.
* Xerox does it again and again and again and...
* XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.
* YTERM - A terminal program for queries.
"Fate often puts all the material of happiness into a man's hands just to
see how miserable he can make himself with them."
- Don Marquis
My personal opinions (Mostly)